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Love is Only the Beginning: Prologue (Will later be 13+)

by Kay Kay


Dear Jonathon Leroux and family:

This is an invitation to attend the wedding of Sir. John Edwards and Miss Elizabeth Passerello on the evening of Tuesday, March the twelfth. The wedding will be held at the Edwards Manor, and the reseption will be later held at the Passerello Manor. All family members are asked to arrive early. We hope that you will attend. See you there.

Signed,

Sir. Edwards and Miss Elizabeth.

I closed the invitation, and let out a sigh. I could not believe that Elizabeth was getting married so soon. This meant that I would be the next to get married...and to William.

I know it's short, but you will understand later when I post chapter one, which I hope will be very soon. So tell me what you think. :D

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43 Reviews

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Reviews: 43

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Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:08 am
Kiss In The Rain wrote a review...



I found this quite intriguing, Kay Kay :). I loved how you began this with a letter, it was unique and exciting, and it immediately caught my attention. This was great, but there were a few things grammar wise that I want to help you out with :).

Dear Jonathon Leroux and family:

I disagree with Mattie about the whole "and family" thing. I think it fits just fine. My parents get letters like that all the time. There is nothing wrong with that :). I stand by what I said, but it has a different tone than the rest of the letter, but that is my only complaint.

This is an invitation to attend the wedding of Sir. John Edwards and Miss Elizabeth Passerello on the evening of Tuesday, March the twelfth.

The beginning of this sentence also throws off the tone of the letter. The entire thing is very formal, except for "this is an invitation." I would suggest that you use "You have been invited to..." etc., etc., etc. On the contrary, I really liked how you wrote the date, very elegant :).

The wedding will be held at the Edwards Manor, and the reseption will be later held at the Passerello Manor.

The bold word should be "reception"

See you there.
Signed,
Sir. Edwards and Miss Elizabeth.

See you there... that isn't quite elegant, and you already punctuated the statement with "we hope you will attend." I would omit "see you there", but there is nothing wrong with keeping it, if you want it.

I know it seems like a lot, but the critiquing isn't all that much, really. This was fantastic :). On to chapter uno.




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49 Reviews

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Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:11 pm
dreaming_mouse wrote a review...



I think it's a good way to open up a story, most prologues give a history or something. It's rare to find a story that starts off with an invitation. This is good because it's different, sometimes it gets a bit boring to read the same style over and over again. Anyway my crit. I think although it's a good start it's lacking detail. The invitation is brilliant but maybe you should think about making the next paragrpah a little bit longer. Maybe say what she is feeling, what went through her mind? Anyway sorry the crits not very long but it was a very short piece and very good.




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129 Reviews

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Wed Mar 16, 2005 10:44 pm
Mattie wrote a review...



I see you're not getting off to a good start with people crit. your stuff. That's why I'm going to take the time to critique it. It does need to be longer though, that's for sure. I do know my posts are quite long but some rule said that you had to limit yourself to one story or poem per day. Something along the lines of that anways. I do like it though. Automatically you get right into the story which is good. I'm not the one for reading long introductions. So! I hope to read chapter one soon, as you promised.
YOURS with corrections:
Dear Jonathon Leroux and family: (Maybe add family into the letter. Like "I hope that your family will be attending as well as you." or "Dear Leroux family," Or simply, "The home of Jonathon Leroux,")
This is an invitation to attend the wedding of Sir. John Edwards and Miss(.) Elizabeth Passerello on the evening of Tuesday, March the twelfth. The wedding will be held at the Edwards Manor(.) (T)he
re(c)eption will later (be) held at the Passerello Manor. All family members are asked to arrive early. We hope that you will attend. (Take out that last part.)
(Sincerly,)
Sir. Edwards and Miss(.) Elizabeth





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