I don't have any questions this time. =) Yay me!
And I can't really find anything I don't like about it, either.
So... the only thing left to say is: GREAT JOB! 
Now, on to the other part...
[pre]We learned to live together as a happy couple with our handyman who had no idea that I had become Jessie’s Suzy again. Even, though, Jessie thought that I only saw him as a friend, he acted as if I loved him. I acted like I did not. In fact, I only kissed him when he kissed me first. Then, of course, I gave him the pleasure of his bride, and did what ever he asked of me. It had become a habit as it were. One morning he began to realize that I was hiding something from him. Not that I can blame him. I had woken up late in the morning, and found myself wearing only the silk blanket that covered me. It no longer bothered me, for I had adapted to the situation that left me in this state. My hair was in a mess of tangles, and I was holding a rose in my right hand. A smile formed at the corners of my mouth, for Jessie had already told me he loved me. Since Jessie was no longer in the room, I did not bother to wrap the velvet curtain around my body. Fixing the bed had never seemed important enough to be fixed. I walked to the window and peered out. As I was looking at the glistening blue creek, the sunlight fell over me; making my dark curls look almost red. The sun warmed me. It seemed to warm me inside and out. Or was the warm feeling on the inside the affect of seeing that Jessie loved me? I was never quite sure. “What do we have here?” a voice I knew as well as my own asked. “We have me,” I answered a bit startled. I was without any clothing to hide my bare body. “I see that…I see all of you.” I turned around as my husband approached me. There were only a few inches between us. He stood there looking at me as if it were the first time he had ever laid is eyes on my body. “You have a beautiful figure,” Jessie commented. Not knowing what else to say I replied, “Thank you.” “Not that I am complaining or anything, but why is it that you have stopped trying to hide it from me.” Paused. “I mean, I used to have to force you or trap you or something, but lately you have been willing,” he stated, his eyes boring into mine. Okay, Susannah, think of something quick. He is becoming aware that there is something going on. Make it fast so that you can get some clothing on. “For the reason that, being your wife, it is my duty to keep you happy,” I answered. Good save…. “No.” “No? I do not understand, Jessie.” “You are keeping something from me,” my husband stated, matter of fact. “What is it? Huh? Have you done something terrible…why are you blushing like that?” I stood there putting on my clueless act. “I do not know what you are talking about.” I could feel myself blushing. “I mean, look at you now; standing here without clothing, and I used to have to tear it off of you,” he exclaimed, pointing at me. Okay, Susannah, just walk away before things get worse. I shrugged my shoulders, and headed towards the bathroom. The only thing stopping me was Jessie’s voice saying, “You have fallen in love with me.” I stopped dead in my tracks, completely stunned. Did I hear him correctly? Did he just say that I have fallen in love with him? “What did you say?” “I think you know perfectly well what I said.” Slowly, I turned around, and froze. He was standing there, his gaze locked on me; he knew. My husband knew that I loved him without the shadow of a doubt. Though this were true, I said, “That is absurd, Jessie.” “No, you not telling me is absurd,” he stated, walking in my direction. I began to back up not knowing how he was going to do away with his anger. I knew what he was capable of and how angry he was by the expression on his face. “Jessie, please,” I whispered. “When were you going to tell me, Susannah? When?” he demanded. Before I could protest, again, he grabbed my arm. Giving a sudden tug, Jessie pulled me into him. He placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up into his face. “Darling,” he said. “You do not need to pretend any longer.” “I am sorry, Jessie, but I am not pretending,” I lied. I do not know why I did not tell him the truth at that very moment or why I lied. But I in fact, did. My husband pressed his lips against mine. I turned my head away, ending the kiss. Doing this, I caused him to push me away and angrily walk out of the room, slamming the door behind him.[/pre]
I don't have any questions this time. =) Yay me!
And I can't really find anything I don't like about it, either.
So... the only thing left to say is: GREAT JOB!
Now, on to the other part...
Kay Kay wrote:To you....
Kay Kay wrote:Hey I should be posting my next chapter soon...will ya crit it for me?
I dunno...did he mean last weekend or this weekend? Cuz I haven't been on in a couple of days so I don't know what's going on either. Hey I should be posting my next chapter soon...will ya crit it for me?
Kay Kay wrote:It takes place in the 18th Century
definitely makes me keep want to reading it. i would try to avoid using the 'well' thing. for instance: well, me. or well, my parents. also i can't tell when it is taking place, is it now in 2005? i might elaborate on that a little more, but then you might be going for something timeless which is good too.
Lets see...dialouge!
Let me fix this for you: (Although it may not be all totally right 
LOL)
“What do we have here?” a voice I knew as well as my own asked.
"We have me,” I answered a bit startled. I was without any clothing to hide my bare body.
“I see that…I see all of you.”
I turned around as my husband approached me. There were only a few inches between us. He stood there looking at me as if it were the first time he had ever laid is eyes on my body.
“You have a beautiful figure,” Jessie commented.
Not knowing what else to say I replied, “Thank you.”
“Not that I am complaining or anything, but why is it that you have stopped trying to hide it from
me.” (he) paused, “(-)I mean, I used to have to force you or trap you or something, but lately you have been willing,” he stated, his eyes boring into mine.
Okay, Susannah, think of something quick. He is becoming aware that there is something going on. Make it fast so that you can get some clothing on.
“For the reason that, being your wife, it is my duty to keep you happy,” I answered. Good save….
“No.”
“No? I do not understand, Jessie.”
“You are keeping something from me,” my husband stated, matter of fact. (Maybe leave this out, you've already said something like it.)
“What is it? Huh? Have you done something terrible…why are you blushing like that?” I stood there putting on my clueless act.
“I do not know what you are talking about.” (I lied for) I could feel myself blushing.
“I mean, look at you now; standing here without clothing, and I used to have to tear it off of you,” he exclaimed, pointing at me. Okay, Susannah, just walk away before things get worse.
I shrugged my shoulders, and headed towards the bathroom. The only thing stopping me was Jessie’s voice saying, “You have fallen in love with me.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, completely stunned. Did I hear him correctly? Did he just say that I have fallen in love with him?
“What did you say?”
“I think you know perfectly well what I said.”
Slowly, I turned around, and froze. He was standing there, his gaze locked on me; he knew. My husband knew that I loved him without the shadow of a doubt.
Though this were true, I said, “That is absurd, Jessie.”
“No, you not telling me is absurd,” he stated, walking in my direction.
I began to back up not knowing how he was going to do away with his anger. I knew what he was capable of and how angry he was by the expression on his face.
“Jessie, please,” I whispered.
“When were you going to tell me, Susannah? When?” he demanded. Before I could protest, again, he grabbed my arm. Giving a sudden tug, Jessie pulled me into him. He placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up into his face.
“Darling,” he said. “You do not need to pretend any longer.”
“I am sorry, Jessie, but I am not pretending,” I lied.
I do not know why I did not tell him the truth at that very moment or why I lied. But I in fact, did. My husband pressed his lips against mine. I turned my head away, ending the kiss. Doing this, I caused him to push me away and angrily walk out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
AH HA! I've fixed it for you! You also say "stated" a little bit too much. Maybe cut back on that? My crit is mostly in the parenthesis.
Still good...nothing profound about it, but it was a good read.
Ignore the whole quote thing I don't know how I did that. LOL i'm so stupid.
[quote="Kay Kay"][pre]We learned to live together as a happy couple with our handyman who had no idea that I had become Jessie’s Suzy again. Even, though, Jessie thought that I only saw him as a friend, he acted as if I loved him. I acted like I did not. In fact, I only kissed him when he kissed me first. Then, of course, I gave him the pleasure of his bride, and did what ever he asked of me. It had become a habit as it were. One morning he began to realize that I was hiding something from him. Not that I can blame him. I had woken up late in the morning, and found myself wearing only the silk blanket that covered me. It no longer bothered me, for I had adapted to the situation that left me in this state. My hair was in a mess of tangles, and I was holding a rose in my right hand. A smile formed at the corners of my mouth, for Jessie had already told me he loved me. Since Jessie was no longer in the room, I did not bother to wrap the velvet curtain around my body. Fixing the bed had never seemed important enough to be fixed. I walked to the window and peered out. As I was looking at the glistening blue creek, the sunlight fell over me; making my dark curls look almost red. The sun warmed me. It seemed to warm me inside and out. Or was the warm feeling on the inside the affect of seeing that Jessie loved me? I was never quite sure. “What do we have here?” a voice I knew as well as my own asked. “We have me,” I answered a bit startled. I was without any clothing to hide my bare body. “I see that…I see all of you.” I turned around as my husband approached me. There were only a few inches between us. He stood there looking at me as if it were the first time he had ever laid is eyes on my body. “You have a beautiful figure,” Jessie commented. Not knowing what else to say I replied, “Thank you.” “Not that I am complaining or anything, but why is it that you have stopped trying to hide it from me.” Paused. “I mean, I used to have to force you or trap you or something, but lately you have been willing,” he stated, his eyes boring into mine. Okay, Susannah, think of something quick. He is becoming aware that there is something going on. Make it fast so that you can get some clothing on. “For the reason that, being your wife, it is my duty to keep you happy,” I answered. Good save…. “No.” “No? I do not understand, Jessie.” “You are keeping something from me,” my husband stated, matter of fact. “What is it? Huh? Have you done something terrible…why are you blushing like that?” I stood there putting on my clueless act. “I do not know what you are talking about.” I could feel myself blushing. “I mean, look at you now; standing here without clothing, and I used to have to tear it off of you,” he exclaimed, pointing at me. Okay, Susannah, just walk away before things get worse. I shrugged my shoulders, and headed towards the bathroom. The only thing stopping me was Jessie’s voice saying, “You have fallen in love with me.” I stopped dead in my tracks, completely stunned. Did I hear him correctly? Did he just say that I have fallen in love with him? “What did you say?” “I think you know perfectly well what I said.” Slowly, I turned around, and froze. He was standing there, his gaze locked on me; he knew. My husband knew that I loved him without the shadow of a doubt. Though this were true, I said, “That is absurd, Jessie.” “No, you not telling me is absurd,” he stated, walking in my direction. I began to back up not knowing how he was going to do away with his anger. I knew what he was capable of and how angry he was by the expression on his face. “Jessie, please,” I whispered. “When were you going to tell me, Susannah? When?” he demanded. Before I could protest, again, he grabbed my arm. Giving a sudden tug, Jessie pulled me into him. He placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up into his face. “Darling,” he said. “You do not need to pretend any longer.” “I am sorry, Jessie, but I am not pretending,” I lied. I do not know why I did not tell him the truth at that very moment or why I lied. But I in fact, did. My husband pressed his lips against mine. I turned my head away, ending the kiss. Doing this, I caused him to push me away and angrily walk out of the room, slamming the door behind him.[/pre][/quote Watch your locker. Watch your back. Watch your soul.]
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