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You can't -- I can and I will

by Katteex

Note: Hello! It's once again a picture haha, I can't really work my way in the formatting of this site so sorry about that. 

I'm a person who's weakness would be brevity and these poems were two of the greatest challenges for me. I just wanted to share this with everyone:) I wrote this a year ago, I think. I may have posted this at Amino, but I edited this a bit and am hoping for your feedback:)

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158 Reviews

Points: 8698
Reviews: 158

Sun Apr 26, 2020 7:39 pm
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whatchamacallit wrote a review...

Hello Katteex! I'm here to review, courtesy of the Ravenclaw Team! (I realize this review is a bit belated but I saw this poem only had 2 reviews so I thought, why not!)

I really love the simplistic style you have going for these poems, it conveys the message very well.

I have just a couple of wording things to mention.

"And so here lies Infinity's grave"
It's not the strongest to start on the words "and", "but", or "because", so I would recommend cutting that out or replacing it with another word.

"The grave of infinity"
Just something to note about consistency - in the first stanza, you uppercase the 'I' for 'Infinity', but you don't here. I would recommend keeping them both one way or the other.

Otherwise, I don't have much to critique. Again, I really like how simple and minimal it is. Good job!

I hope this review was helpful, if you have any questions please feel free to ask!

Keep writing!


Katteex says...

Thank you so much for the review!

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35 Reviews

Points: 1384
Reviews: 35

Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:19 pm
GigiNicole17 wrote a review...

I absolutely LOVE that you did an opposite thing with the poems.

I have to disagree with the first reviewer about the repetition of imagery. I think you captured your repetition very well. I love that you have the idea of infinity and forever. Your metaphors were INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly got, as Jennifer Lopez says, the "goosies" reading this poem. I felt as if it was coming to life while I was reading it

I LOVE the ending!

" --The awoken became the horizon, where the finites can no longer reach"

If it's okay with you, and i'll quote you on it, Can I use it as my signature. That sounds like something my brother used to say. My brother passed away in October, and this poem reminds me of him. The fact that you talk about forever, and infinity, makes me feel like he'll always be with me! Thank so much for writing this!

Stay strong, and golden, and keep writing and shining!
~Gigi <3

Katteex says...

I'll be happy that you'd use this as your signature! I am beyond happy that my poem created this much impact! Also, my condolences to your brother, hope you're okay now.

GigiNicole17 says...

I'm good, thanks! He used to always say "stay strong and golden" Thanks for letting me use it!!!

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44 Reviews

Points: 450
Reviews: 44

Wed Apr 01, 2020 10:23 am
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Gravitem wrote a review...

Oh yes! I too have had a hard time formatting.

Wonderful poem. You have used wonderful metaphors to depict the main idea in the poem which I assume is limits. I see that you have also conquered the "bounds" or "obstructions" mentioned in your sequel, 'I can and I will'. A very encouraging series of lines which concluded with everything being unbound by limits.

One thing you must work on however, is piling up ideas due to repetition of ideas. Usually, an idea repeated twice in a poem isn't a big deal, but in a short poem with such a mass imagery, one should aim for a variety of visuals.

One thing I really acknowledge about this poem is your way of concluding.

1."and ambush tomorrow's tale."
2."The awoken became the horizon,
Where the finites can no longer reach."

I see that you have concluded each time by bringing relevance to the title or the purpose of the poem.

Well done and keep writing. Ponder on what I said, and look at your own poem critically. I hope my opinion is of use to you.

A beautiful poem. Keep writing ! :)

Katteex says...

Thank you for the feedback! I'll be sure to remember your constructive criticism on my poem :)

Gravitem says...

I'm really bad at reviewing but I really loved your style. I really don't think it was that constructive. But if it helps then I'm glad

Everyone left so I'm turning this into a writing club. Behave.
— LadyBird