Hello Katteex! Whatchamacallit here for a review.
First of all, this poem is wonderful and you've created a certain intensity with your words that I love!
I do have a couple really small nitpicks on wording.
In the first stanza, the last line changes tenses slightly compared to the two prior. The first two are in the past tense, then the last one shifts to the present tense. This could be a creative choice, but if you weren't aware of it, you can change it by wording it slightly differently: instead of
"It is deafening the ear of anyone who passes"
you could write
"It deafens the ear of anyone who passes".
One other small thing:
for some reason I feel like the phrase "sporadic agitation" doesn't fit the tone of the rest of poem, but that could just be me. Feel free to leave it in if you like.
Anyway, on a whole I loved the poem.
Keep writing!
Whatchamacallit
Points: 22098
Reviews: 455
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