Young Writers Society

Hey EverLight, Katja to review your poem "The Gifts of the Sun" As always please feel free to disregard any and comments or suggestions I make, should you find them unhelpful. With that being said lets get into the review~

Overall Thoughts

I really like your poem which narrates the story of "Sol" or, I assume, The Sun and how he fought great wars, death, and rebirth. I Like that you personified the sun and even gave him a story... Very creative indeed!

My favorite part of your poem:

His greatest gift to shine apart from darkness.

When night fades and stars go dim his light blazes on.

War tells him he cannot survive the tempest

Sun had to fight the greatest war

That is how he ordained the mightiest gift.

I am puzzled as to why this is classified as satire. This should be under spiritual I believe.

*reply to your last reply of my reply of your reply of my review of your poem* ^^
Can you at least try to exit your stubbornness and see my reasoning? I’m not asking you to give up on the world you’ve built above your religion, because it is not God or Satan or whatever thing you believe in that matters- but the faith in itself, no. I just want to ask you to please try to not judge people with GOOD or EVIL. We say lies every day, say things people can never forgive or forget; and yet we wage wars all on our own- no one truly belongs to hell, because who is fit enough to judge a cause deemed wrong while seen just by the sole creator?? I am not threatening you- I am not your enemy- but do you get I’m half dead because people keep judging me as dark and cold and antisocial and mean and hellish and sadist and masochist and satanist and so many other things..
But I am not what matter, if I were to ask you « Are you happy? » I please do hope you say yes. Because usually people that craving in perfection, that will to be perfect and seen as perfect and go to hell- they always bring this little uncomfortable doubt. And that keeps you from being happy. And that leads to evanescence. And at the end, when we’d all die- I’ll be happier because I’ve not built heaven in death and darkness and the unknown, but heaven in this world.

Okay so first of all, let me make myself clear- I despise the sun. Not it’s warmth, or the fact it’s beautiful- but because of the thoughts linked to it. I hate that we think *oh, the sun is greatest of all- without it, we would be invaded in darkness* I HaTe that. If you do believe in that.. you would like the moon. Not the sun. What does the sun do? Oh. It helps defeat darkness. Well without it.. where would be the stars? Where would our imagination go when we fall asleep? And have you even watched the night? Is it really just *ooh scary. There’s so much terrifying things in the night* because no. I think the night is fascinating. I love the moon and I think the most beautiful colors are that of the Dawn and dusk. Now that that is settled, let’s move on to the review ^^
The beginning is basically what I said.. but apart from that, I think you do everything pretty well. There’s imagery, not much description, but we get the point; there’s a lot of repetition, in the way you insist on a certain fact- (which might be awesome if I didn’t despise so badly what you’ve praised)- and that is pretty good. I think there’s a mistake, in *But Sol faced more then that* I believe the correct spelling is *than*; and who exactly is Sol. It’s nit really established anywhere, and I have huge expectations into thinking it’s a way of saying *Sun*, but if it’s moon. Or stars. Then half of the ranting I made in first place- is meaningless. Anyways.
You say Sol (I’ll talk about him as if he’s the sun) won the ultimate war. That might be a reference to good and evil.. and oh god. Here’s why I dislike manichean religions- they just are about *oh I’m the purest soul* or *oh you’ll go to heaven/hell* but why..? Do you truly believe someone is utterly perfect as the sun? Or a sinner as the night? Because it’s just stupid.. I’m not even disappointed or angry.. just sad.. I think that sort of religion is stupid, because it makes no sense. Being born is a sin, living is a sin, dying is a sin- the very ideology of living life and caring for yourself is a sin- so say, how do you get to heaven..? And who is fit enough to judge things as complex as the human race...? Because, no one is. People are both night and sun, and you asked what my username, silvermoon stands for - it represents what we are. A dark source of light, at the time night and sun- the moon.