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At The Gaits Of Eternity 2

by EverLight

Dreaming in the Sky, dancing an eternal dance

Burning with everlasting fire, look upon my splendor, be awestruck

Come gaze into our flames and see 

The future unknown,

The past forgotten,

The present yet to come.

See the secrets we have kept, gaze into our very soul, our very heart.

Singing away, Lighting God's eternal fires

Look upon our joyful hearts and be humbled

Come gaze into our soul and see the face of God all mighty.

Come journey the heavens, and I will show you wonders beyond your dreams.

Dreaming up in the sky, in an eternal fantasy of wisdom

Look upon our peace and be stilled

Come gaze into our spirit and Look upon the wisdom of God

Up in the sky radiating the light of the mystery

In a never-ending glow of awe come see our light

Frozen in time awaiting the day

When all will lay to rest. 

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98 Reviews

Points: 782
Reviews: 98

Sat Jul 06, 2019 8:41 pm
shieldmaiden wrote a review...

Wow-this is probably the prettiest poem I've evet read about stars! So many favorite phrases! "Come gaze into our spirit and Look upon the wisdom of God". I think this part is my favorite, but it's so hard to choose! U are really able to input the majesty and vastness of space in this piece. Yet, somehow you are able to give these heavens a personality as well! Incredible and so beautiful. I hope someday I can write poetry like this. But for now I will focus on prose and let the experts (such as yourself) impress such mind provoking thoughts. Keep writing!

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416 Reviews

Points: 8116
Reviews: 416

Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:33 am
Liberty wrote a review...

Heeey again Katnes!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on. Alrighty, let's start!

First of all, when I saw there was a second part to this, you have N O C L U E how happy I got. It's so exciting when you see a second part to a favorite story/poem! I love it.

Also, the way the narrator or whoever is talking in the poem, if it's you or someone other imaginary person you made up, but I want to say that the way this person talks makes me feel as if he/she is very modest and religious. He/she talks about God and it makes it quite nice to read, ya know?

I didn't see much to point out in this magnificent poem. I had this favorite line right here:

The future unknown,

The past forgotten,

The present yet to come.

It just sounds so perfect! It's very nice and I love it a lot. The way it explains the situation of the past, present, future... It's awesome. :3

Oh! One little thing I wanted to point out was that in some places, you capitalize a word in the middle of the sentence. I'm not sure if its because its something special, or it was an accident. :) There are a few examples in the spoiler below.

Spoiler! :
Dreaming in the Sky, dancing an eternal dance

Singing away, Lighting God's eternal fires

Come gaze into our spirit and Look upon the wisdom of God

Hope this review helps in one way or the other! If you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever and wherever. :D

And as always...

Keep on writing!


EverLight says...

Thanks! You have know idea how this makes me feel especially after silvermoon17's critique of the religious aspect to it. (;

Liberty says...

Your very welcome. :)

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109 Reviews

Points: 11267
Reviews: 109

Wed Jun 26, 2019 12:51 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...

Hello hello Katnes, here for a review ^^
Umm so to begin with, I’m not sure if it’s an error.. but since when sky has a S at the beginning..? I also think you might’ve gone more into depth with the (eternal dance), maybe some description and imagery- and (dreaming in the Sky) which you could’ve explored by describing the contents of the dream in itself. The second sentence has a great opening, but it ends at (splendor) you try too much to add the awestruck at the end, which could’ve been for a rhyme; except this poem has no rhyme. So I guess it’s just out of inspirational ecstasy. The only problem afterwards, is the tempo. Which deagrdes itself from long sentences of eleven syllables to three or five syllables- and even though out this way it looks unite stupid enough, it actually has a real impact on the reader’s appreciation of the poem. I won’t judge the (Singing away, Lighting God’s eternal fires) line since I’m a (*redacted*), and so it seems unfair if I judge this line.
The last stanza is my favorite. I don’t have a lot of things to say, but maybe if somehow you made the before last and last sentence line, we would’ve felt the sense of awe you seem to insist on so badly all throughout the poem. I also think you should refer less to God as the greatest and the purest and the noblest ruling above everyone and the main center of this poem- because it basically means; you should love this poem if you really love God, and that we must limit our imagination to him, because that’s where you limit your poem.

EverLight says...

Thanks for your review!
I understand if this made you feel concomfortable because God was mentioned. I'll work on the structure, and possibly add some description. But I'm not changing a bit of what I wrote about God. Because it is true-he is the greatest, noblest, purist, being, rather people like that or not. And if people love God they will love this.

silvermoon17 says...

Read my next review and you%u2019ll see why I%u2019ve got so much hatred for this kind of thing about religion..

No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.
— Daisy Bates