z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A Million Times and A Trillion More

by EverLight


It's the same old song

The same old story

We meet by love's rose and vow to be one.

A million people have met by her flower

a trillion more have been torn by her thorns

I've told of my desire for you a million times,

You've told me you loathed me a trillion more.

I sit on this old wooden porch

watching the cars go past as the sunrise paints the sky

Humanities invention before my eyes

I think to myself for all we have done, for all we've become, we are still the same.

Wandering, lost our hearts broken and hurting.

Who taught us to love?

To adore each other so deeply?

I've told you that you're my bright star a million times,

You've told me your my night a trillion more.

Love's old bittersweet song echoes through time,

the same old melody

the same old tale.

We meet by love's rose and vow to unite,

A million people have met by her blossom

A trillion more have been shattered by her thorns.

I could fill the Earth with the pieces of broken hearts laying in the dust.

I've given you my heart a million times,

you've ripped it a trillion more.

There's an old adage, it goes something like this

enjoy love while she's cheap for she always makes you pay, often at a price too high.

I sit on this old wooden porch

watching the cars go past while the dawn varnishes the sky

humanities invention before my eyes.

I think to myself

for all we have made, for all we are,

We're still the same.

Our hearts slashed by loves serrated sword,

wondering how to care about another.

I've heard that love is an addiction,

bitter while it wrecks you apart leaving you wanting more.

I've shown you, my soul, a million times,

you've destroyed it a trillion more.

It's the same old serenade

the same old account,

We meet by loves rose and vow to cherish another.

A million people have met by her blooms

a trillion more are ripped by her thorns

I sit on this old wooden porch

watching the cars go past as daybreak streaks the sky,

humanities invention before my eyes.

I think to myself for all we have, for all we've achieved,

we are still the same.

A broken people, our hearts heavy with regret

Weighed by love's tears.

I've heard a proverb it goes like this, nothing's more bitter than a failed bond.

I've shown you my worries a million times,

you've closed your ears a trillion more.

Many say that love is sweet, but all I've tasted is her sourness.

I sit on this old wooden porch,

watching the cars go past, while morning hues the sky

humanities invention before my eyes.

I think to myself for all we know for all we've discovered, we are still the same.

Pondering the depths love, and crying over her dagger.

Theirs an adage I know it goes like this

Enjoy love while she's free for she always makes you regret often at a cost.

It's the same old tune

The same old chronicle

We meet by love's rose and vow to be one.

A million people have met by her flower

a trillion more have been scarred by her thorns.

I've told you of my yearning for you a million times

you've rejected me a trillion more.

But I can see the sun stretch across the sky.

I can feel the wounds upon my heart heal.

Off in the distance, I hear a lovely sonata rise from the ash,

I think to myself

Man's heart is fragile, yet love makes it stronger.

For all her thorns remember the beauty of her blooms.

I don't weep for you.

My heart has gotten over you.

For I know a love that's not young.

A love truer then integrity, that never comes with blades.

A love that heals man's heart and never breaks it.

A love that holds the world together.

A love that's sacrificial-The love Christ has for us.

It's been called true love.

I know it as real love.

Many say love makes life sweet.

And in the end, maybe all love does. 


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User avatar
28 Reviews


Points: 930
Reviews: 28

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Thu May 02, 2019 2:51 pm
Leviari says...



I loved this song from start to finish: the raw emotion, the spot on images and comparisons, the fluent rhythm, the fine choice of words.

"A love truer then integrity, that never comes with blades.

A love that heals man's heart and never breaks it.

A love that holds the world together."

Simply amazing!




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140 Reviews


Points: 249
Reviews: 140

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Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:44 pm
Anma wrote a review...



Hello Katnes!

Anma here with a review!

This peace is very artistic, and creative!

Its lovely, even now i feel its very long but i don't think that is really a big problem.
I don't see many grammar mistakes but there is a few.

I can tell you put effort and emotion into this, that's Great!

The spacing is okay but maybe split the lines into different groups (Paragraphs) would help make it look more professional. Also I'm not saying you have to do anything i say, there just a few suggestions.

Either than that its perfect!

I hope to read more of your work!
Keep it up!




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374 Reviews


Points: 1147
Reviews: 374

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Sun Feb 24, 2019 5:09 pm
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tgirly wrote a review...



Hi Katnes and Happy Review Day!

First, I want to say that I love the repetition of "a million times" always followed by "a trillion more". I think the use of those phrases does a really good job showing how the narrator of the poem has just been trying so hard to find love or make the relationship work out, but it feels like they're up against impossible odds, and they don't feel like they can get anywhere with that. It really captures the hopelessness sometimes involved with romance, and the repetition just keeps highlighting the significance of the phrase.

One problem I have with this poem is that you do such a good job setting the mood in that first phase of the poem, and showing us how hopeless and upset the narrator is about the relationship and her romantic prospects, that by the time you get to the turn in the poem's story and say "I don't weep for you", it rings kind of false, since it feels like the narrator has spent most of the poem metaphorically weeping for the relationship. Perhaps she doesn't weep for it anymore, but for that to work, you would have to make it clear that time has passed somehow, and you don't. The switch to talking about Christ's love also feels kind of tacked on at the end, just because you've spent so long setting up the first emotion of the poem, the two halves of the poem don't feel very balanced.

Overall, I enjoyed this piece. I thought it felt very earnest, and the perspective was very emotionally mature, which I appreciated. Thanks for sharing!

-tgirly




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35 Reviews


Points: 1384
Reviews: 35

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Tue Feb 12, 2019 4:24 pm
GigiNicole17 wrote a review...



Katness,

I think it's great that you're writing about the unconditional love of God. This is exactly what I need right now. It's funny how God brings it to you at the perfect time. You conveyed his love perfectly, and describe how we are to love each other as well. The lines below were my absolute favorite.

"For I know a love that's not young.

A love truer then integrity, that never comes with blades.

A love that heals man's heart and never breaks it.

A love that holds the world together.

A love that's sacrificial-The love Christ has for us.

It's been called true love.

I know it as real love.

Many say love makes life sweet.

And in the end, maybe all love does."


I had a really bad breakup 2 days ago, and this poem has reminded me what the definition of true love is. Everything you stated in the lines above is so true. ONly Christ's love can satisfy me. Thank you so much for this great insight on the love of our Father above, this insight on the only real, and true love. It was much needed and I really appreciate it.

~Giginicole :D




EverLight says...


Anytime bro. Anytime. I'm sorry about your break-up.



EverLight says...


Anytime bro. Anytime. I'm sorry about your break-up.



GigiNicole17 says...


It's okay. I'm okay....I think....I'm still learning how to get over him, but I think I'll be fine Thanks.




To be a master of metaphor is the greatest thing by far. It is the one thing that cannot be learnt from others, and it is also a sign of genius.
— Aristotle, Poetics