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My Love...

by KatjaDawn


If actions speak volumes as was once said,
what of leaving me alone in darkness? 
I lay blanketed by sorrow in an empty bed,
where once a happy couple would sleep. 

But the blame is not yours to bear alone,
for I too lashed out, not unlike a snake does. 
Neither of our actions can I guiltlessly condone,
neither one of us can I shamelessly condemn. 

Oh, now so often, I find myself in silent anger,
unable to feel past my blood's furious boiling. 
My thoughts, scrambling in such loud clangor,
as they try so hard to break through my skull. 

My love, how long until we find resolution, 
the joy and peace we once so lovingly shared.
If we continue on this path, it leads to destitution,
the sort that leaves one broken and in despair. 

Please, find it in your heart to open your eyes,
to see the reasons why I can no longer stay silent.
Why do you so easily brush it off, and surmise,
when I have nothing left to lose,
except the love of my life.

I'm not asking you to choose, 
only to prioritize.






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25 Reviews


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Thu Oct 11, 2018 3:58 pm
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xJoeyx wrote a review...



Hiya KatjaDawn, I'm Jade and I am here to review your poem.
So to start off, I just wanna say that you did a really good job. I really liked it and if turned into a story of some kind would gladly read it. This poem hit the heart and when I began to read it I realized that this is so much more than your title. At first, I thought it would be a lovely, probably cheezy, poem about love. But nope, it definitely was not. I feel as though you are in love but the one you are in love with mistreats you. He doesn't love you the way you love him and at the end you are asking him to see what he is doing to you. I think that because of his neglect, you have all these emotions swirling inside of you and they have finally spewed out because you couldn't hold any of it in anymore. You had to tell him how it felt.

Now to the editing. Please remember that these are only suggestions. You do not have to use them if you do not want to.
Throughout the poem I noticed that every other line rhymes and the others didn't. It disrupted the rhythm of the poem and threw me off. I don't know if you meant to do that to create a sense of urgency and emotion to show that the character wasn't stable in that moment or what.
Now the ending. I feel like there was more to be said, if feels as if it just abruptly cut off and left us hanging. So maybe you should add a little more to the end.

Other than that this poem was really great and I look forward to seeing more poems from you, KatjaDawn.




KatjaDawn says...


Thank you Jade, for your review. I really like that, though it was vague, mostly everyone is able to grasp the message. I wouldn't say "mistreats", that would be unfair... but in terms of underlying issues causing built up emotions... nailed it. Thank you for your suggestions as well. The rhyme scheme was deliberate. I'm mostly an "abab" or "aabb" kinda poet, but I felt like that just wouldn't fit with this.... so I just wrote it as is and loved how it sounded. I do get why it would disrupt the flow though. Thanks again for reviewing, Much apppreciaton! :)



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16 Reviews


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Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:43 pm
AutumnDawn says...



such a beautiful poem. it's kinda a poem that hits you in the heart each and every time. the best kind of all. most. people when they hear about poetry. they think about poetry about love. and just took this whole thought to different level. it is so real feeling. as if you went through yourself. those are the kind that impacted the world the most. such VERY BEAUTIFUL PIEACE OF WORK. PLEASE DON'T YOU EVER STOP WRITING BEAUTIFUL THINGS LIKE THIS.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”
― William Shakespeare

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”
― Jodi Picoult




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16 Reviews


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Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:43 pm
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AutumnDawn wrote a review...



such a beautiful poem. it's kinda a poem that hits you in the heart each and every time. the best kind of all. most. people when they hear about poetry. they think about poetry about love. and just took this whole thought to different level. it is so real feeling. as if you went through yourself. those are the kind that impacted the world the most. such VERY BEAUTIFUL PIEACE OF WORK. PLEASE DON'T YOU EVER STOP WRITING BEAUTIFUL THINGS LIKE THIS.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”
― William Shakespeare

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”
― Jodi Picoult




KatjaDawn says...


Thanks AutumnDawn, I love the quotes you added! Thanks for taking the time to review my poem, I appreciate it :)



AutumnDawn says...


your welcome. I just love quotes. I wish I had it see your poem a little bit sooner.



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Thu Oct 11, 2018 3:35 am
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Iggy wrote a review...



Hey there! This is such a beautiful poem you have here and I honestly loved it a lot. It's a lot different compared to the poetry I'm used to reading. I haven't really been exposed to narrative poetry, so reading this was definitely refreshing, although it did take me reading it through a few times to fully understand it.

I love the emotion in this poem and the words you have chosen. It's really hard for me to review this because I didn't really have any issues or notes to point out. This poem is very strong from start to finish. The imagery you chose is beautiful and thought provoking. I really feel that you captured the right tone and emotions to this poem. I also like the specific phrases you have chosen to italicize so that they stand out and are emphasized when reading the poem through. The only suggestion I have is to remove the strikeout on the last two lines -- I feel that that line is the perfect ending to this poem and that the strikeout ruins the impact it gives. The reader has to struggle a bit to see past the strikeout to read it, whereas they wouldn't have to if the strikeout was gone and the impact of those words would hit them square in the chest. It's truly a line that sort of echos in your head and makes you sit there for a minute and think about it. I really like that line.

I also loved the last two lines in the third verse. Like I said, excellent word choice. Such a good poem. Thank you for sharing. :) I hope this helped a bit. xx




KatjaDawn says...


Thank you so much Iggy!! More than a bit, your reviews are very helpful. Thanks again. :)



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Tue Oct 09, 2018 12:26 am
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Tenyo wrote a review...



Hey KtajaDawn!

There's something odd about the tone of this compared to the topic. The topic is really sensitive- heartbreak is a violent emotion that tends to carry little restraint- but the tone of this and the sophistication of language makes it very calculated. It's an interesting effect and I quite like it, a kind of emotional detachment from the occurrence itself that shows a calm rationality but not quite acceptance.

You've gone with a difficult rhyme scheme, which is impressive, but there are a few points where the rhythm is a bit off. It's mainly in places where there is an extra syllable or two. I'd recommend reading it out loud a few times and put a marker at the points where you stumble or have to read over again to make it fit.

It's a nice piece, and a really sophisticated use of vocabulary. Keep it up =]




KatjaDawn says...


Gosh, thank you for your review! I really like your take on it, and I agree there were definitely rough areas with the rhythm. I'll have to work on that, for sure. Thank you again for reviewing, much appreciation! :)




I know history. There are many names in history, but none of them are ours.
— Richard Siken