z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Sorcerers of Hisderat, Chapter 12.3

by KateHardy


[Terry]

Terry came up to find himself in a what appeared to be an old room. It had clearly been abandoned for many years judging by the vast amount of dust. The stale air also told him that this was sealed off from the outside world. He took a quick look to see if he could spot any obvious places to keep a key.

The room was very bare, containing almost nothing that appeared to be for decoration meaning that either the owner had not been a fan of decorating a workplace or they’d taken their decorations with them. A small wooden cabinet stood off to the side, dusty and worn but clearly in good condition. Beside the cabinet, the only other pieces of furniture in the room consisted of simple wooden table and chair. The table was neatly organized, papers in neat piles on one side while various writing utensils lined the right. And right at the center of it all was a small wooden box. Bingo. That has to be it.

Terry ran over to it and pulled it closer to him before throwing the box open and ducking immediately, hoping that no curse had just been unleashed on him. A diagnostic was not something that he had the time or magic for at the moment. After nothing had exploded and he had not started to turn to dust, he scrambled up to peer into the box.

Nestled inside on a beautiful velvet cushion lay a small golden handle. It was a good six inches long and at least half an inch in diameter. One end of it tapered to a point, the half inch long protrusion threaded and clearly meant to be screwed into another piece. The other end contained a large flat piece of metal, engraved with the design of a very specific kind of snake creature wrapping around a book. Terry smiled. That was proof enough. It was definitely the real deal.

He quickly closed the box and tucked it securely under one arm. Time to leave. Ah, that was much easier than I thought. He focused on the image of the library, ready to teleport off. Just as he was about to vanish in his usual flash of purple light a smidgen of doubt crept into his mind and his concentration broke. The agents. They’re counting on me to get this back. They actually did trust me in the end. Well, that was a poor choice by them. I can’t afford to be slowed down by those two. They don’t belong in this fight. And yet a small part of him that knew it would be wrong to do that. 

It had been a long time since Terry had worked with anyone else. The three of them had been surprisingly effective together, solving a century old riddle in record time and then the fight outside with the ghosts had shown they could actually work somewhat well as a team, despite it being the first time they'd actually fought together instead of against each other. He didn’t count the few seconds on the rooftop where he’d barely been a part of it, taken out by a kick that his nether regions had still to stop stinging from.

He knew that him returning would be a big move. It would certainly help cement their trust and the forge the kind of bond that's unavoidable when you go through a life and death situation together. The kind that good teams are usually built on. He realized that he was now at a crossroads. One road was far more assured, he knew that he could get things done, he’d be much lonelier for it and after he finished his work, he might even have to spend several years on the run from their agency. Their commander knew far too much about him at this point for anything else to happen. If he broke his promise to Johnson, the retaliation would be swift and decisive, especially if he was right about who Johnson was.

The other route was uncertain, chaotic. Being in a team would mean that he would have to worry about someone other than himself for the first time since the death of his father, he would have to be a part of something bigger. Maybe that could work out and they would accomplish this joint mission and he could finally stop running. No more scrapping around in the dumps, only able to stay in a proper apartment for weeks at a time. He could actually settle down and have a life apart from this.

It was a choice he'd worked for years to avoid. His thoughts went to the duo fighting not too far from this spot. The silliest pair of agents he had ever met. A pair that had been able to stand toe to toe with him on magic like none of his previous adversaries ever had. Could he truly accomplish his mission and get a better ending than what he'd come to expect? Terry took a deep breath. To heck with it. He turned on the spot, vanishing in a flash of purple light.


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Wed Dec 08, 2021 10:13 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



I like the switch to Terry here! I think he has the ability to slow the narrative down which is a nice contrast to the chaos that seems to occur whenever we're reading Harry's point of view.

The stale air also told him that this was sealed off from the outside world.

Should he be worried about the amount of oxygen in here? If it's sealed off, how will he breathe for long?

Bingo. That has to be it.

I think in the past I've commented on how similar everyone's internal thoughts seem to be because they've all been written in a similar style but this sounds very much like Terry, and not like the others. Nice one!

Terry ran over to it and pulled it closer to him before throwing the box open and ducking immediately, hoping that no curse had just been unleashed on him.

This seems a bit chaotic, would he not be a bit more careful and methodical? I know he can't run a diagnostic, but maybe he could debate doing it before flinging it open? That way we know he's thought first, acted after.

Terry smiled. That was proof enough. It was definitely the real deal.

How is that proof?

I like Terry's moral dilemma here, does he go back to Harry and Rose or does he go on by himself? And does he consider the fact that if he doesn't go back they might not escape the ghosts?

I'm pretty sure what his choice will be, but this adds a nice bit of suspense! It would be good to have a tiny indication that he's debating not going back at the start of this section too, just to up the tension.

<3

Icy




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Wed Oct 13, 2021 5:40 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,
Mailice back again with a short review! :D
 
I don't know what it is, but I like this lack of concern Terry has at the beginning and how it develops so well in this part towards the end, where he has to make an important decision himself. Despite this "break" it seems well inserted in the chapter so that we can see Terry acting a bit more on his own again. After all, he always shows that he knows more and is reasonably intelligent in some areas, but it rarely comes to appearances. (This is not a criticism of you, but the overall view on the "third" man).

It was a quiet in-between passage and the non-inclusion of dialogue (which is somewhat understandable when you're alone :D) was also very great choice. I especially like here that despite this making a decision and being in the middle of an arc of suspense, the part reads so easily. I've found that more often with Terry, that when it's from his POV, that the story takes on a very relaxed tone. :D

I really like the mind game that develops here, especially in conjunction with the descriptions you include. It's a good "filler" for the coming conclusion of the chapter.
 
Other points I noticed while reading:
 

After nothing had exploded and he had not started to turn to dust, he scrambled up to peer into the box.

 I kind of like this sentence because it seems stereotypical and yet humorous enough that you don't see it as something negative.
 
Being in a team would mean that he would have to worry about someone other than himself for the first time since the death of his father, he would have to be a part of something bigger
.
 I like the info of the father here and the question if we will learn something more about Terry's past.
 
 
Have fun writing!
 
Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D




Obsessing over what you regret won't get you anywhere.
— Steggy