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The Meet Cute: Behind The Scenes Edition Part One

by KateHardy


The Antiquark buckled every so slightly as another asteroid slammed into the side. The pilot of the ship, Vankous Frostification, proceeded to give it the stink eye as it continued to fly past.

"They're never going to clean up the Voltra Belt are they?"

"No they are not," said Kaitlyn Hardy, walking up to him at the cockpit. "But then, if they did they'd also probably bother to update the speed limit."

Vankous cackled, a genuine full bodied villain cackle. "Princess Kaitlyn, ever so kind and ready to remind everyone except when outdated speed limits suit her needs."

"Hey! These idiots just absolutely do not understand the definition of emergency. Which they better, I mean they have eighteen words for it in their language."

"They just don't like you."

"Well... yes. It does more harm than good okay? You know Jason would've informed them if he genuinely though the lack of an update would cause widespread chaos."

Vankous rolled his eyes. "Yes genius. I was teasing you."

Kate snickered. "And look at you fail." Vankous groaned. "Its only you. Every time. Every. Single. Time."

Kate did a little twirl and bowed. "What can I say? Its a gift."

She walked back into the cabin where the rest of the team were sitting in anticipation. Chudnofsky Maliachiskinsky was busy admiring his axe, possibly trying to check for sharpness or just generally enamored with it, it was hard to tell sometimes. James Bonlark was staring off into space, his suit and tie somehow impeccable as always. Behind them Raymond Sanders was looking at the quick memo Kate had typed up for the mission while next to him Tapusha Romero was peering over, green hair falling a little into her eyes.

"Everyone ready for today's mission?"

Chud promptly snorted. "I wouldn't call this a mission."

Kate huffed. "It is a perfectly valid thing to be doing thank you very much."

"Really? James?"

He looked up with a shrug. "I mean. Its a noble goal I suppose. Letting two people meet, the old meet cute."

"I can't believe this." Chud flipped around, his long red hair flying wild. "You two can't also agree surely."

Ray, composed as always, straightened his own suit and tie. "Its an important temporal event. It may be less exciting than breaking into a fully armed fortress but the little details matter sometimes."

Tapusha looked up from the memo as well. Her green eyes looked especially bright with excitement. "This is an important meeting you know. Several crews from several known temporal terrorist organizations will be here. This couple will singlehandedly bring about several of their ends. Trust me. Earth's anti piracy unit is about to get one heck of an upgrade."

"Wait what? That was not included in the memo."

"Background research is always a good idea." Ray patted Chud on the shoulder. "Don't worry I'm sure Vankous didn't even read thee memo."

"I did not," came the proud declaration from up front.

Kate giggled. "Predictable as always. So is that all then Chud?"

He nodded. "I suppose that's something valuable enough."

"Good. Hey at least you were still on board even though you didn't think it was worth it."

He scoffed. "Well yes. I'm not going to say no. We're always in this together." Kate's smile softened.

"Thank you everyone once again for agreeing to fill in for the usual. I know doing tasks for my whole goddess of love thing isn't your style, but I really needed the help today. Everyone needs their vacation and this is just a little too much for me to handle alone."

Ray waved it off. "Its quite literally a vacation for us to tackle something simpler like this so think nothing of it." Kate nodded and turned back to Vankous.

"We there yet?"

"About a lightyear to go, so pretty much. I think you guys should get ready to land."

Kate nodded. "Alright boys and girl. Do you remember the game plan?"

"No because I didn't listen.."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Yes Vankous we know that. That's why I'm asking them specifically."

Ray of course nodded, patting down his coat pocket. "All ready to infiltrate the airport's security system. It should be a cakewalk. 2060's Earth encryption is...how you say...baby food."

Kate giggled. "That it was. James?"

"I'll be on the field, dress up as the janitor, put up the wet floor sign, make the floor wet. I think I got it."

"Good. You two?"

"Making sure no one dies."

"Very important job of course."

"Do we capture everyone that comes in to attack or do we just try to scare them off?"

"There' s no point capturing them in this century, go for the scare, if it does work just to see security, then you are authorized to use force, non lethal of course."

"Of course. We'll be careful."

"Any restrictions on weapons?"

"Surprisingly no. Since we're spreading a moment that is inherently considered mythical or magical by law we are permitted to use whatever the heck we want and the mortals will simply note it down as part of the legend."

Chud chuckled. "The lengths they go to hide true magic never ceases to amaze me, but I suppose I can't complain. There's something about a beautiful story that really does inspire civilizations."

"Now you're getting it. That's why we do this work. To create those beautiful legends, those stories that inspire generations. A good love story is far more powerful than a reciprocating orbital cannon." Kate's eyes glowed a faint blue, like they always did when she got a little excited.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'll be making sure there's some magic in the air."

Vankous' frown was almost audible. "That's not made up? You actually do that?"

"Duh? You can't get a magical shimmer in the air and that little feeling in your heart from absolutely nothing. I mean yes you do, Like obviously the attraction and the love force itself does a lot, but this enhances it into a moment that's truly impossible to forgot and for the history books."

Ray nodded. "The true meet cute."

"Nothing quite like it." Kate smile and for just a second a swirl of pink energy swept over the ship. 


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Wed May 29, 2024 6:58 am
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WeepingWisteria wrote a review...



Hello, Kate! Wist here for a review. You already know I'm deeply invested in these characters, so I'm here to see where this journey takes them!

This short story is quite cute and is leading up to a sweet, heartfelt series of soft moments. It's a careful balance writing stories like this because it can easily slip into self-indulgence. However, so far, you've walked the balance well, where it's currently evident that there will still be conflict and narrative tension. That said, let's get into the story's details.

The Antiquark buckled every so slightly as another asteroid slammed into the side. The pilot of the ship, Vankous Frostification, proceeded to give it the stink eye as it continued to fly past.

Immediately with the story's first line, you do an excellent job of establishing your tone. This story will be light-hearted and relatively low stakes, considering an asteroid crash doesn't immediately cause catastrophic hull damage. So, you're already letting readers know what to expect. The sooner you do that as an author, the quicker you'll retain your intended audience for your piece. So, well done!

"These idiots just absolutely do not understand the definition of emergency. Which they better, I mean they have eighteen words for it in their language."

This is a minor tidbit, but how these two sentences work together is odd. Kate starts by saying that "these idiots" have no concept of an emergency. The second line begins with "Which they better." When someone uses "which they better," they're usually speaking about a task they want the subject to do, but they don't know the task's completion status.
For example: Lucy said she'd mow the lawn. Which she better, because it's a mess.
So, when Kate complains about them not understanding the concept of an emergency and follows that up with "which they better," it's confusing whether Kate wants them not to understand the definition of an emergency. But, if Kate is saying they better understand the meaning of an emergency, then "which they better" doesn't quite fit either because Kate is already under the impression that they don't. It's a little complicated to explain, so I'm sorry if it's not coming across clearly. The main critique is that the two sentences seem slightly contradictory in meaning, so I would suggest rephrasing the second one, but that is ultimately your decision. So sorry for the ramble!

...if he genuinely though the lack of an update...

I'm pretty sure the bolded word is supposed to be thought ^^

Kate snickered. "And look at you fail." Vankous groaned. "Its only you. Every time. Every. Single. Time."

This is a genuinely hilarious bit of dialogue that establishes Kate and Vankous's relationship perfectly without needing to say anything explicitly. I've always thought your main strength in writing was the way your characters' wits played off of each other, and this shows its full strength.
However, you need to start a new paragraph whenever a new character speaks, and the bolded word should be it's. But please don't let that take away from what I just said.

Chudnofsky Maliachiskinsky was busy admiring his axe, possibly trying to check for sharpness or just generally enamored with it, it was hard to tell sometimes. James Bonlark was staring off into space, his suit and tie somehow impeccable as always. Behind them Raymond Sanders was looking at the quick memo Kate had typed up for the mission while next to him Tapusha Romero was peering over, green hair falling a little into her eyes.

This is a good, concise way of introducing the main cast! Introductions can slow down a story if they're not done right, but you handled this well!

"...the old meet cute."

Oop, roll credits!

"...Vankous didn't even read thee memo."

I'm pretty sure the bolded word should be "the!"

"About a lightyear to go, so pretty much."

I love the casual way you establish how much power your characters have. Wordbuilding like this goes a long way!

"Making sure no one dies."

Since Kate was addressing two people before this, it's unclear who said this dialogue line.

"Do we capture everyone that comes in to attack or do we just try to scare them off?"

Same problem here. Not clear who's speaking.

"...go for the scare, if it does work just to see security, then you are authorized to use force, non lethal of course."

I'm a little confused about what this sentence is trying to say. Maybe revisit it to see how you can clarify it.

"Nothing quite like it." Kate smile and a swirl of pink energy swept over the ship for just a second. "

And there's the cute ending to our cute beginning; fantastic job, Kate! Though I'm so sorry, I'm pretty sure the bolded word is supposed to be smiled.

Overall, this story is exactly what you made it seem to be: cute, heartwarming, and all about love. Your characterization is incredible, and you've shown a great grip on show vs. tell. It's an incredible read, Kate, and I can't wait for part two!

Happy Writing!
Wist




KateHardy says...


Thank youu so much for the review!! It was very helpful!!



WeepingWisteria says...


Yayyy!! So glad!!



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Wed May 22, 2024 4:12 pm
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AnotherCrowInRow wrote a review...



An excellent story, the continuation of which I would really like to hear :) . I like the touch of science fiction that can be felt from the story and I have to admit that in a relatively short work you managed to outline the characters' personalities very well. I like your writing style. It's fluent, it doesn't get stuck on little things, it flows nicely and the dialogues seem quite natural to me. I also like the dynamics between the characters and the ending, which leaves the reader with at least a hint of anticipation for a sequel (if there will be one or already exists). I really enjoyed reading it! The cover is also quite nice.




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!



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Mon May 20, 2024 1:21 pm
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AnnTran wrote a review...



This is absolutely heartwarming. The characters are personable, the dialogue was easy to follow, and the theme is pure comfort.

I did spy some forgotten quotation marks, so please keep this in mind for your later works! Other than that, amazing writing, magnificent character interaction, and beautiful theme!

Keep going! :D




KateHardy says...


Thank you for the review!




I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest