z

Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 6.3

by KateHardy


Daisy spent a moment watching him walk off. This news is going to devastate everyone. At the very least it might save some lives. Luckily no one did anything stupid yesterday. I suppose we continue in captivity. Maybe that's what the human race was always meant to be like. She shook her head rapidly as if that would dislodge the offending thoughts. We will get out someday. Holding the thought firmly in her head, she headed back to where she'd been working.

*******

A few hours later the trio were headed for their first break of the day. They had been given an hour off at a time that was around and hour before the campwide general lunch. This mean all they could get were the leftovers from breakfast and Daisy did not how to react to that. It was as if the aliens were carefully planning all of this just to make things as horrible as possible for them.

As usual they had to maintain silence as they made their way along the dimly lit hallways heading for the "Mess Hall" as it was called. It was one of the rooms that Daisy actually liked for one single reason. Unlike 90% of the rooms that could be found inside camp, this room actually had proper lighting which meant she could see the entire room. Of course, their "hospitality" only extended that far. The actual food provided was...questionable at best. The smell was barely tolerable and there was no real taste to it. According to what she'd heard, that was definitely not what food was supposed to be like, although never having had anything besides that, there was no way to know if that was true. Maybe all food had always been that way, and everyone liked to think it used to be better.

They arrived to find the room devoid of any life like they'd predicted. They were the only team that had a break at this hour for the quadrant they were a part of. The room was only slightly bigger than the hall which meant that the measly forty tables that were jammed into it would be overflowing, although as horrible as everything else had turned out to be, their change in schedule would mean they could ate in relative comfort.

Daisy made her way to her favorite table to take a seat, almost collapsing into it. Skipping breakfast and a full morning of work were not conducive to having any energy left. Harry slumped into a seat next to her. She put a hand on top of his and gave it a squeeze. 

"Everything will be fine, Harry."

"Will it though?" he asked.

"Someone wise once told me that we should never stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel," Daisy whispered.

That managed to get a small laugh out of Harry.

"He thought he was wise didn't he?" Harry said.

"He was," she replied," Come one. Take your own advice, we'll find something else soon enough."

"Have I ever told you that you are the best?" he said, finally managing a genuine Harry level smile.

"Only a few thousand times," she replied.

"I suppose I'll say it another time," he said," you are the best."

"And food is served," announced Aria, sitting across from them and sliding over two steaming plates," Dig in."

"Thank you,'' said Daisy," turning away from Harry and catching Aria's eyes. Aria gave her the smallest of nods.

Daisy winked.

"Now let's eat," announced Daisy.


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Wed Oct 27, 2021 8:05 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



oooooh the good emotions are continued here
Andrew here with a review! I know it's been a while, but umm, gottt really busy, and started The Brother Karamazov, which for the record is amazing but also 700 pages long so that's been taking up a lot of my reading time.
But I'm back, overall, I liked this section a lot, contuied the good real emotions vibes, seems like real humans. Into specifics

As usual they had to maintain silence as they made their way along the dimly lit hallways heading for the "Mess Hall" as it was called. It was one of the rooms that Daisy actually liked for one single reason. Unlike 90% of the rooms that could be found inside camp, this room actually had proper lighting which meant she could see the entire room. Of course, their "hospitality" only extended that far. The actual food provided was...questionable at best. The smell was barely tolerable and there was no real taste to it. According to what she'd heard, that was definitely not what food was supposed to be like, although never having had anything besides that, there was no way to know if that was true. Maybe all food had always been that way, and everyone liked to think it used to be better.

This is a really interesting idea, but I feel this paragraph is disorganized like the authors said something, realized that didn't make sense, so they backtracked on it.
The idea of being able to tell that things must be better than they are, even if you've never experienced better, is really well explored in 1984, where the main character and narrator talks about how he never really experienced good coffee or comfortable clothes, he knows that what he's drinking is bad coffee and what he is wearing is uncoromftorble. If I remember correctly he believes this is the outcry of the human soul, which knows there has to be better. This theme of radical hope, that reality is better than what we have is extremely interesting, and one of the main factors or religion. In my opinion radical hope is one of the most likable human traits, so I really like what you're doing here to show that our characters, though they have never experienced it better, know it must exist, and know they might be able to get it if they can be free. I would like to see this explored more, and this particular paragraph edited and expanded.
But that's just my two cents!
Also, the fliiirty is getting reaaaall intense.
Thanks, and keep writing,
-Andrew




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

The reviews are worth the wait :D Also hmm I think that paragraph is a result of me wanting to show them with less than adequate conditions but also realizing they technically have no actual "good conditions" to compare it and rambling on a little. I will look at cleaning that up though. That sort of hope is kind of what most of this motivation ends up built cause its been long enough that even the oldest character mentioned in the book would've been born 40-45 years after humans were imprisoned.



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Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:13 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Somehow the texts I want to read are piling up and I can't get around to writing the reviews. So it's time for the weekend. Let's start right away and try to focus on this story alone instead of making another jump.

It was quite an analytical chapter from Daisy's point of view. It was interesting to see again how she thinks and feels and how it affects the story. For example, how she cheers Harry up and manages to do it. It shows a new character of hers that I like. I had always rather imagined that Daisy could be cheered up by Harry.

One more thing at the beginning was how Daisy's thoughts are structured. They seem a bit choppy in my opinion, unfortunately. They are appropriate for her character, but at the same time I think it's too halting for the reader, as it reduces the general flow of reading, the way she thinks here. I would just reword it a bit, maybe rewrite some sentences or connect them to present this "reading flow" a bit more elegantly without directly making Daisy's character disappear.

Here's a little thing I noticed:

This mean all they could get were the leftovers from breakfast and Daisy did not know how to react to that.

There is a missing "know" after the "Daisy did not".

Overall it was an interesting chapter, a bit lost in the pace here, but think it was a good way to introduce Daisy again and clarify her character. I'm still curious to see how this ending will lead to the next part and how it will lead to a little date...? :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Oof that happens, take your time :D

Hmm...I see your point on the thoughts there.

Thanks again!!



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Thu Sep 16, 2021 5:38 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I thought this part was a little different from the others. Maybe it was because we get to see them in a completely new and different setting that does not include walls or doors. It also gave us a glimpse of what life is like for the under alien captivity, I mean, the captivity aside of course. I really liked learning about Daisy's thoughts in this part and how she views something as trivial as lunch which is a regular part of their routine. Also, I am curios as to what the aliens actually serve them and who makes this food.

I liked the interaction between Harry and Daisy. It seems that Harry has not yet recovered from their setback, which is a little strange because I would have assumed that Aria would take up the role of the pessimist after every small block in their road. Still, it is interesting to see this other side of Harry, who is always so cheerful and full of hope.

I do feel that the introduction to this part should have gone with the previous part. It ight be just me, but it felt a little too sudden for a beginning to me.

A few nitpicks:

They had been given an hour off at a time that was around and hour before the campwide general lunch.

I think the 'and' will be 'an' here.

This mean all they could get were the leftovers from breakfast and Daisy did not how to react to that.

The 'mean' will be 'meant' and you have a word missing in this sentence. There should be 'know' after 'did not'.

"Thank you,'' said Daisy," turning away from Harry and catching Aria's eyes.

There is an extra quotation mark here after 'Daisy'. You don't need that.

That's all for this one.

I liked the relatively slow pace of this chapter. I am not sure how long it is gonna last, but it feels good when things are calm.

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Thu Sep 16, 2021 5:18 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here to drop a review!!

This was an interesting part. I like how Harry was not being able to control his emotions in the part and exposed it to everyone. It shows how disastrous he was feeling at the moment. That actually helped him to lighten himself. Eh, showing emotions can sometimes be helpful. All of them are very supportive towards each other as we can see. There is always one to console the other(s). All three don't get very broken at the same time. At least one manages to control all the emotions. I wonder what is gonna happen if all of them become severely emotional at the same moment.

Hm... The food. I am quite eager to know what food they actually eat. Food of present day's humans? Doesn't seem so. Also, do they and the Aliens eat the same or at least same kind of food? If that is the case, I do understand that the food of the Aliens will not taste good in their mouth. Also(I use this a bit too much, I know), who are actually assigned to the work of cooking food? The Aliens or human beings or robots!? If the middle is the true one, then it's a matter of concern that the food is low quality and if the former or the latter is the case, I don't even expect anything from them. I don't know if we will get to see about the food later but if it doesn't come later, I would suggest suggest to include tiny bits of necessary details in there that can make more sense and help the readers understand.

They were the only team that had a break at this hour for the quadrant they were a part of.

What quadrant are you referring to? This line was a bit unclear to me.
Skipping breakfast and a full morning of work were not conducive to having any energy left.

You could also include the fact that she didn't sleep at night.

The humour at the end was quite great. It actually made me think about what Harry thinks of himself. What one thinks of themself actually matters. When he told "He thought he was wise didn't he", it made me think if Harry actually thinks he is wise. If he thinks so, I will not be surprised because he is actually a genius. Anyway, I have never manged to see light at the end of a tunnel.

Let them eat for the time being and let me stop my review here.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!




Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca