z

Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 5.4

by KateHardy


It took them only around fifteen minutes to fill up the tiny transport cart they'd been given.

"So...one of us has to go dump this and come I guess?" asked Harry as the three of them stood around the full transport.

"Yes," agreed Aria," let's take turns."

"I'll go first then," said Daisy and flipped the switch to turn of the vehicles parked mode. Small fans at the bottom revved upto speed and it hovered a few inches off the air, ready to be pushed.

"Sure. I'm second then," said Aria.

"And I will be last," added Harry. Daisy nodded and began to push the vehicle in front of here. 

"The hovertech on this has to be ancient," she declared as she disappeared out of earshot. She returned a few minutes later, looking like she'd just come back form a shower of run a marathon, or potentially both.

Harry raised his eyebrows questioningly as soon as he saw her.

"When they call it an incinerator they are not kidding," she said," the place is hot enough to melt one of us."

After she returned, they began to pile up the parts again. They worked mostly in silence, things quickly falling into a rhythm as they chipped away at the massive pile of debris. After another half an hour or so of work, it was Harry's turn to be taking the cart to the incinerator.

Map held firmly in one hand, he gave Daisy and Aria a cheery wave before he set off to find the incinerator. The map was fairly clear and he made his way through the unfamiliar corridors as quickly as he could, doing his best to avoid any wrong turns. Soon he began to feel an intense heat coming from somewhere ahead of him. Daisy certainly hadn't been joking. According to the map, it was supposed to be three hallways away and the heat was very much noticeable.

He pushed on through the heat and made his way inside through a thick concrete door. He went about his task as quickly as possible, not wanting to spend a second more in the heat than he had to. 

The entire room was bathed in a bright orange glow making it impossible to see what color the walls were. A massive furnace was lit somewhere off in the distance. Several chutes marked with various labels were set next to the entrance. He consulted the map and after choosing the appropriate chute, dumped in the parts as quickly as he could before running off back in the direction that he had come in. He couldn't imagine how Alex and the rest of them had managed t do anything besides sweat their lives away in there.

The rest of their shift passed by in a flash. They'd made a significant dent in the smaller pieces of wreckage by that point and they would be able to start on the much more interesting larger parts that could hopefully also tell them something about the ship's origin.That wasn't even the most interesting part however. Once they'd cleared the larger sections of the ship away, they'd be able to sneak through to get a peek at what had been done to the former hole in the wall.

*******

The next day they were still hacking away at the smaller pile. It was tedious work, and the tiny capacity of the transport didn't help matters. In fact things got to a point where Daisy, the only who didn't mind the heat of the place all that much, was assigned to pushing it back and forth full time while the other two piled up the items in a corner.

The aliens had also clearly been by to check on their progress because they found several tools that had been added to their meager collection overnight. They seem to have realized that they would need some form of power tools to tear into the main hull of the ship and left several cutters and blowtorches. While they looked to be in the same state of disrepair as everything else they were ever given, it was at least better than what they had before.


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Mon Sep 13, 2021 7:50 am
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a review!

We are still taking a brake then. This chapter was actually relatively slower and calmer than your previous chapters. It is not bad as it allows us to get a deeper feel of the story, it is just a little different as I am used to cliffhangers and surprise meetings from you.

I liked how you described their work in detail. It must have some significance for you to go into such elaboration. Still it flowed naturally and did not feel tedious at all. Learning about their work gives us a deeper understanding about their lives which I think is really important, especially because this is set in a dystopian world where we don't have much to rely on except our imagination. I was a little curios about Daisy not minding the heat as she was the one who made that comment about the place melting them to the bones. And of course the ending, where we realize how closely the aliens monitor these people. I do not think they supplied those tools because of the human's discomfort though. I think they just want the work done and are willing to speed up the process by providing them with some actual stuff. I was a little curios about how they supplied those tools in the middle of the night though. Makes me wonder if any of the humans have actually ever seen the aliens.

I found this part a little 'still'. Mostly because there wasn't much dialogue and Aria was not included. Harry and Aria's bantering bring in the humor and lightness in this story and honestly, I always look forward to those. Overall, this was a nice continuation.

Here's a nitpick for you:

Daisy nodded and began to push the vehicle in front of here.

I think you meant 'her' instead of 'here'.

She returned a few minutes later, looking like she'd just come back form a shower of run a marathon, or potentially both.

Some small typos here. I think it will be "just come back from a shower or ran a marathon".

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Mon Sep 13, 2021 12:07 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

This part was very interesting. First of all, it showed the kind-heartedness(I am not really sure if they have a heart but still) of the aliens. Secondly, it gave a good insight to the place. I wonder what chute it actually was and whether that was of Aliens or of the humans. I don't know if that has an important part to play but knowing that sounds interesting.

Now coming to how Alex and people managed to sneak into the incinerator, I don't have a very clear idea but they maybe had a fire-proof or heat-proof material with them. I can't see any other way that can help. Also I wonder about the source of the heat. Yeah the incinerator is the source but what's inside it? Fire or any other high-temperature material? Considering that Aliens' technology is far more advanced than the humans, the latter makes more sense to me.

About Daisy, I get a vibe of foreshadowing. Strange. I wonder if Daisy actually didn't mind the heat of the place because she actually told the heat was enough to melt one of them. Also, I really want to see how Aria treated it. Just a glimpse will do.

I should just elaborate on the kind-heartedness topic. This is a very very vague thing we have here and maybe it wasn't at all meant to show tendeeness of the Aliens but still it feels like they can be at least decent at bad times.

I just had a very random question: What really happened to the robots? I assume the humans will have progressed at least a bit in robotics till the time when Aliens took over. Have the Aliens managed tp wipe them out of existence?

Overall, it was a calming part with not much actions.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!!

Hmm...I don't think the incinerator gets explained any further..soo..to answer that question...it is kind of like a really, really big, and very, very hot oven.

Hmm....the first book focuses on a lot on the humans...but the next few books will show how things are from the aliens' side...and it might be interesting for you ;)

Hmm...well robots are kind of there...the aliens use them for cleaning mostly...in places where humans aren't allowed in, and for construction work and what not. There are no battle robots though. As for the humans, their robot developed stopped in 2118 and then they were just starting to create semi intelligent ones..so few survive to this day and they are barely useful.





I see. interesting. Humans, go and hack a robot! :D



KateHardy says...


:D...oh they've tried ;)





And failed miserably, I guess. :(



KateHardy says...


Sadly yes...



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Sun Sep 12, 2021 7:26 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was somehow a very calm and relaxed chapter. Again, we got some new information about how they live and what they still have of older equipment with them, but above all I found it a very smooth chapter. I still think that something very exciting is going to happen and that this is just something like the overture.

What I always like to read are the interactions between the characters before it goes on into the narrative. I found that short and crisp here and liked, (and also found it strange) that they didn't argue about emptying the cart. I suppose you can get a bit of a break there from the exhausting work and at least Harry and Aria would get a bit of a tussle. :D

I just found the end, where it went to the other day, a bit too short. It felt like a waterfall after you had already described so much of the previous day. On the one hand, I think it's a necessary transition, but on the other hand, it was a bit quick.

I can't say much more. The chapter had a good pace. You already added and developed the descriptions in the last one and again here, which I liked a lot. It was good to read and understandable to move on. I think that's actually something you're very good at; you write in a fairly simple tone so that newcomers can get into the story anywhere and catch up quickly with the first few chapters. And yet you always have this attempt to try something new and improve by adding new stylistic forms. I think that's very good and I'm curious what ship we'll be on when we get to the end.

One other point that caught my eye:

"So...one of us has to go dump this and come I guess?"

I´m assuming, that there is a “back” missing after “come”.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

xD...this has been a bit of a slower chaper..but the last part of it should spice a few things up ;)




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