z

Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 5.2

by KateHardy


“Okay,” said Harry, trying for a smile,” why don’t we head out and see if they missed a spot while patching up that wall.” He tried for his usual chipper tone but it came out much flatter than he would've liked.

Aria seemed to have notice because she just nodded solemnly and then they were off, headed towards The Hall.

They found themselves in a hall that was partially empty for the first time in a long time. The only people who were there were the ones that were returning from finishing their shifts. The biggest surprise came in the form of a head of fiery red hair visible at a time that was very out of character for the person that the head belonged to.

Daisy saw them coming and turned. She gave a little wave. Harry frowned. It looked like yesterday's news was still affecting her too. Her usually radiant smile was noticeably absent. Well that wouldn't do at all. He tried to shove all his thoughts as far down into his mind as they'd go and managed a smile.

"Daisy Danvers has been spotted awake ten minutes before she is supposed. Experts believe this is a sign that the world might end," said Harry, in his best news anchor voice.

That did the trick. Daisy managed to crack a small smile as she weakly retorted,"You use the same joke every single time. It's gotten a bit boring."

"He has no creativity," added Aria.

"He does," replied Harry.

"And he refers to himself in the third person so he's also mad," continued Aria, getting into the swing of it.

Daisy beamed at both of them. "Thank you for that." 

"Anytime," said Harry, "so, let's get an early start then shall we?"

"Yes...we're almost certainly going to be assigned an impossible amount of work," said Aria," They might very well extend our times for the foreseeable future, so the early we get there, the better it will be."

"Okay, let's not think as far as extending times. We can't be sure of that," said Harry.

"Well how about we stop discussing it and go actually find out at the hub," said Aria. "Let's go," She began walking, the other two following close behind. One long trek through the corridors later they found themselves at the Hub where Aria went over to check the screens as usual.

Today there was clearly something special going on because some of the names on the board were highlighted in red. Red was never associated with anything good in this place.

Aria returned a few minutes later to confirm this.

"Yes we are on the list of highlighted names," she said before Harry could even open his mouth to ask the question.

"So are..." began Daisy.

"Yes it is to indicate the ones that will be assigned to the spaceship cleanup operation," she replied.

"Ohh, that's not as bad as I thought it would be. I thought it meant time extensions," said Harry.

"Right. That, I probably should've opened with it. They have extended it by a couple of hours."

Harry let out a sigh, "So I guess we are going to be missing breakfast?"

"Seems to be the case," replied Aria.

"I suppose then we should just get going. Best get this thing over with as soon as possible," said Daisy," talking about it won't change anything."

"Yup. Come on," said Aria.


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Thu Sep 30, 2021 3:44 pm
MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Andrew here with a review! Harry and Daisy's exchanges are once again cute and heartwarming if a bit repetitive.
The possibility of spaceship cleanup promises some interest, so I'm looking forward to that.
But into specifics!

"Daisy Danvers has been spotted awake ten minutes before she is supposed. Experts believe this is a sign that the world might end," said Harry, in his best news anchor voice.

Kinda nitpicky, but do they have newspapers in this alien dystopia?
Some of Arias lines seems a bit forced and clunky, but I'm not sure whether that was intentional *shrugs*
But that's all just my two cents! Hope it helped!
Thanks, and keep writing!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

That would be a no....I can try to escape by saying they'd have learnt about what news was in their history lessons...but I'm gonna go ahead and admit I just didn't think that far..and went for the joke :D



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Sat Sep 11, 2021 5:34 am
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a review! I certainly am a little late this time!

I really like this slow unhurried pace you have established and I like that we can really spend some time with the characters because of it. They have still not gotten over the crash and I think you have showed this brilliantly through all their interactions. I like that Harry is the one who always keeps trying to bring a smile to their faces. Not just this time, but every other time they have found themselves in a tense situstion he would crack some lame joke to break the tension and they would automatically crack a smile in response. We have now reached a point in the story where we can recognize these little behaviors and reactions of the characters that are unique and characteristic of them and I think it speaks for how well you have managed to establish your characters.

I am still really curios about the spaceship, though and I realized we still do not know anything new about it. For example where did it come from? Did the aliens know about it? Since, the three of them have been asigned to the clean up, I am hoping that we are going to get at least some more answers.

0ne other thing. When you talked about the 'head of fiery red hair', it took me a moment to realize that we were talking about Daisy. And that suddenly made me realize that we are into chapter 5 of the story and yet we don't really know what these characters look like. I think you should work on those descriptions a little.

That's all for this one!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Fri Sep 10, 2021 4:47 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

With the conclusion of the last part and this one now, it feels to me like the mood has moved tremendously in a different direction, which I think is good, but also keeps me awake with some questions.

It was probably an attempt to keep up the dialogue that I enjoyed here with humour and charm to escape the actual ignorance. I'm with Harry, Daisy and Aria on that; I don't know what's in store for them either. I think that doesn't give you the feeling that there's still something to come.

I think by now I'm also so deep into the story that I notice you're putting more focus on plot and the characters, which seem more important, and only giving a little detail about other things that are happening behind or around them. For example, here I loved how you talked about the workers coming back from the shift to give the feeling of tiredness and silence after a hard day's work.

It was just a tiny point, but I liked it because in the last parts it always seemed like the three of them were the only ones in their room right now. I thought it was a good detail that you added in 5.1. and I think this is also the beginning of adding more dynamics to the story by adding these indirect interactions.

Three points that caught my eye while reading:

why don’t we head out and see if they missed a spot while patching up that wall.”

A question mark is needed here.

He tried for his usual chipper tone but it came out much flatter than he would've liked.

That´s a neat detail. The only time we saw Harry a bit of his characters was after the video. It shows, that it is not every time so easy to keep up the mood.

Daisy saw them coming and turned. She gave a little wave. Harry frowned.

Normally I would say that the short sentences are a tension lifter, but with what I have read so far in this part, I find that the sentences exert more of a sadness.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Yeah it was a bit hard to have to write the mood shift, cause I don't usually do serious scenes all that well but I felt like something of the nature that went down in chapter 4 needed to have a few noticeable effects at least for a chapter or two or it wouldn't quite resonate all that much. :D



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Fri Sep 10, 2021 9:52 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a short review!

It's the 23rd part of the story, I guess. Wow, we have reached far XD. Now to the review :)

Aria seemed to have notice because she just nodded solemnly and then they were off, headed towards The Hall

Noticed

This was a good part. This is quite a humorous part we have here. Harry's joke was funny. I have already forgotten if I told this in the previous parts or chapters but Harry seems to be very concerned about other's happiness. He actually masked his own miserable feeling to provide happiness to Daisy Denver(Good name). We got to see how vulnerable he actually is in the last part and now if someone doesn't read the earlier part and jumps into this, I doubt they will be able to understand the feeling. That makes him a great actor too. He has so many talents, seriously. He can be a good spy. Something which I liked is how Aria followed her and provided solace to Daisy.

Now to the work. A couple of hours is seriously a very long time when one has to do the miserable works. Bad news they got. I just wonder if they have to work for a span of time or they have to finish the assigned work in the particular span of time given to them. If the former is the case, they can just pretend working and if the latter is the case, bad luck. However, there is a good side of this. They might be able to see the parts of the spaceship. That can be of immense help, at least my brain is telling that.

Moreover, we still don't know what happenned to the spaceship- I mean why it suddenly crashed like that. Hope to discover it soon tho. The Aliens do it intentionally tho or did they?

Overall, quite a good one and excited to read the next part :D
Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!!




Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca