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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 3.2

by KateHardy


“Yes, we'll worry about it later. This is still the very early stages as far as that door is concerned,” said Mr. Haber. He stood up, “At any rate, we need to now get towards what I'm sure is going to be the part of the meeting you kids came here to see.”

Aria sat up a little straighter at that statement. It looked like they were finally going to get to know what their mother had been quite so mysterious about earlier.

Mr. Summers stood up, walking over towards a dark corner of the room and returning with some kind of rectangular device. It was unlike any device Aria had seen before. It was a lot thicker than most devices she's seen and it looked quite bulky. It didn't even seem to have a visible screen. It looked more like a box than anything else.

“What are we going to see?” she asked, "and uhh...how is that thing going to show us anything, is that some kind of component you guys stole from somewhere?"

"Umm, well the first question, I think I'll let Alex answer. He's the one who orchestrated that entire operation from the very beginning," said Mr, Haber, cracking a smile," As for this device, this is actually a computer, from the 21st century. A rather popular design back then. They call it a laptop I believe...because you're meant to be able to keep it on your lap.."

"They were certainly quite creative back then," added Ms. Johnson.

Aria couldn't help but laugh at that even as she tried to wrap her head around the fact that these guys had somehow figured out how to use two hundred year old technology to do whatever it is they'd managed to do. 

"It is aptly named," said Mr. Summers as he sat down with the device. He lifted the top of the device and it opened out with a small creak. He began to tap at what appeared to be quite a lot of buttons on the inside half of the device. On the other half of the inside, there was a small screen which showed that the device was starting up. "Now, I will not go into details about how we got this footage. It was shot from the Octopedal Airborne Surveillance Drone sitting right over there, which was built as the result of an eight month long process undertaken last year. Your mother can tell you the details sometime later."

Aria turned to the weird looking spider thing sitting innocently on a stool. That was the only thing he could possibly be referring to. 

"We call it the Arachnodroid," said Ms. Johnson, "don't get too intimidated by Alex's pet name for it. Its actually a very simple device, everything made of scavenged parts from an Operation we called "Trash Dive". LIke Alex said, I'm sure you can grill your mother on that topic. Right Alice?"

Mrs. Kane nodded at that.

"So what are we about to see here?" asked Harry.

"That becomes pretty clear a few seconds into the footage, just give it a minute to load. This is 2020's tech. Unbearably slow but it's all we got," said Mr. Haber.

A few seconds later, it appeared to finally be working as Mr. Summers pressed a button and turned the device around so that Harry and Aria could see the screen. The clip looked be quite low resolution. 

"Is that 4080?" asked Aria, "seem very low res."

"That...is actually 720, if you can believe that," said Mr. Haber.

"What? Wow, I didn't even know you go that low," said Harry, looking shocked. He was leaning on top of the table now, having partially stood up to get a closer look at the screen.

"You have no idea," said Mr. Haber, "I've seen settings on that device which have resolutions as low as 144. 720 is actually the maximum."

"No.."

"I appreciate a history lesson as much as the next man, but I believe we're pressed for time," said Mr. Summers, cutting Harry off mid sentence.

At that everyone went quiet. Mr. Summers pressed another couple of buttons and the footage restarted. All Aria could see at first was the inky blackness of a clear night sky. Then the view began to shift. It was very clear that the device had no gyroscope at all with the amount of shaking going on. It was impossible to tell what it was looking at until the device finally stabilised. She could now make out a large structure below the camera.

It was instantly recognizable. They'd spent a good couple of hours staring at it earlier this morning: The Inner Wall. The drone appeared to be around 10 feet inside the wall and a good way above it. And then the camera started to approach the wall, descending slowly, as if was going in for a landing.

She had no idea how on Earth this hadn't been caught by the security cameras mounted on and around the wall, but she decided to file that question away for later. There was a sudden shake of the camera and the device stopped. It had actually landed. Except that was supposed to be impossible. The laser defence system on the wall should've fried the flimsy piled of metal into a puddle of melted goo but nothing happened.

And then...it moved...crawling its way forward as the camera shook uncontrollable again. The impossible was happening right in front of her eyes. Through the shaking of the camera, she could just about barely make out a view that no human was supposed to be able to see.


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Tue Sep 14, 2021 6:15 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



WE"RE GUNNA GET TO SEE THE ALEINS WOOOO
Ahem
I mean, hey, Andrew here with a review!
Liked this chapter, and all the jokes riving at current technology. I'm intensely interested to see how we got our hands on this tech, and I'm beginning to wonder if the reasons aliens are letting us run so wild is because it would be really hard to manage us more, and with that fancy wall, why would they need to worry about us escaping (;
Seriously though, if the humans are pretending to be very submissive, I could see the aliens letting us run pretty free within their walls.
But into specifics!

“At any rate, we need to now get towards what I'm sure is going to be the part of the meeting you kids came here to see.”

To me, the wording seems a bit funny.
Aria couldn't help but laugh at that even as she tried to wrap her head around the fact that these guys had somehow figured out how to use two hundred year old technology to do whatever it is they'd managed to do.

Clunky
everything made of scavenged parts from an Operation we called "Trash Dive". LIke Alex said, I'm sure you can grill your mother on that topic. Right Alice?"

I don't normally nitpick grammar but why not indulge.
That period should be inside the quotation marks, capital letters shouldn't normally appear halfway through words, and it should be "Right, Alice." Comma before names! Weird rule but it exists nonetheless.
Mrs. Kane nodded at that.
All these dry nods, give me some facial expressions, tone of voice, who they're looking at! Sometimes it feels like they are a bunch of monks who don't express emotion, XD.
A few seconds later, it appeared to finally be working as Mr. Summers pressed a button and turned the device around so that Harry and Aria could see the screen

Hehe, a few seconds, so long. Also, this is a bit of a long sentence.
here was a sudden shake of the camera and the device stopped. It had actually landed.

Wait, where did it land? On top of the wall??? Over it? The questions killing me.
But that's all just my two cents!
Besides that fun chapter, looking forward to the next installment.
Thanks, and keep writing!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Yeah, the aliens have taken a couple of steps back from the initial stages. Its nearing a century of imprisonment now with no one being even half successful so the aliens are kind of relaxing a bit.



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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyy!! Forever here with a review!

First of all, with the description of the computer or the laptop. It's always better to include the size. When you first described it, I thought it could be a phone, not a very advanced one tho. I suggest to include the size. That can make it clearer.

So, a lot of things happening here. It was a quick relloction of the 21st Century and also we got to know how people of this time think about their past. I wonder why people are literally using so old things. They got imprisoned in 2118, right? So, within that time, I would expect a lot of inventions in the technology happening. Where did those things go? Vanished or maybe the Aliens made sure to destroy all those things. Who knows. Howevee, I will just say to make that 720p to 1080p. Even now that's available and for quite some time. They are literally saying a 4080p resolution not so good! Seems like in their videos, all the things in the video appears to happen not in the screen but in the real world. Hm... Interesting.

And that drone. Wow, I really laughed at how you described it as a spider. That description was quite good. And oops, I missed that detail in the last part or the chapter maybe.

I wonder how they used the drone to take the pictures without the Aliens noticing it. After all, a drone is not very small.... Also, the moving thing. Obviously, it was flying and thus the screen was just moving. That is a valid reason but I wonder if there is any other reason behind it. Suspicious. Maybe due to the influence of something.

That cliffhanger in the end. That is a great cliffhanger to make the reader want to read the next part. Maybe they were seeing inside the walls? Or maybe outside the place? Hm...A great part.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

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KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Wed Sep 01, 2021 6:23 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was a very informative chapter on 21st century history. I liked that you went into more detail on some points and it helped you understand some points better. It was very funny to imagine the faces when they saw the laptop and it was suddenly about resolution. I think you definitely did a good job with that.

I found the chapter very exciting because you learned a lot of new things. I like how the world opens up more with each new part and how the characters present themselves again. I also thought your approaches to description got better. You don't go directly into detail, but you have the basic conditions to imagine something.

I was just a bit "shocked" when you got to the end. It seemed like everything was so condensed and summarised, compared to the rambling dialogue. I think you can certainly add some more points or lengthen it, because it seemed like you wanted to end this part before it was really finished. Otherwise, there were some punctuation errors, but nothing serious. :D

Some points my eye caught while reading:

"At any rate, we need to now get towards what I'm sure is going to be the part of the meeting you kids came here to see."

I'm not so sure here, but the sentence sounds a bit bumpy the way you worded it. For example, is the "what I'm sure is going to BE" necessary? You could add that in another sentence, for example.

"and uhh...how is that thing going to show us anything, is that some kind of component you guys stole from somewhere?"


I would add a question mark after the "anything" here, splitting both sentences.


They call it a laptop I believe...because you're meant to be able to keep it on your lap..."

I always thought they were called laptop because you wear it on your top. :D One full stop too many here.

LIke Alex said, I'm sure you can grill your mother on that topic

The "I" is too capitalised.

"No.."


There's a dot missing or one too many full stops here.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with another review!

This story just got a whole lot interesting. I really liked this chapter and the elements of humor, mystery and even the tiny bits of information about technology that you have managed to include. This was a really packed chapter and I felt like we were finally getting into what we were waiting for since the beginning of the second chapter. Except, of course, you end with a cliffhanger. Still, the build up and the revelation at the end was brilliant.

I liked how the part started off simply, with them randomly discussing 21st century technology and resolutions. At first, I could not really place the conversations and how they were important in the context of the meeting, especially since they were finally getting into the most important and interesting part. I found it a little strange that they were making casual conversation while I was trying to skip to the end to find out what the great discovery was! My exasperation was quite similar to Mr. Summers' at that point.

I also like that you are introducing new characters with each of these parts, but you are introducing them in a context and manner that makes it really easy to forget these new characters once we move on to the next part. I think this is because you introduce the characters mostly through dialogue, and without any background information on them. As a result, it becomes a little difficult to remember.

Now on to some other details:

They call it a laptop I believe

I am pretty sure that the people who called it a laptop are very much dead, so the 'call' will be 'called' in this part. It's in the past.

Wow, I didn't even know you go that low

I feel like there should be a 'could' here after 'you', so that it reads, "I didn't even know you go that low."

as the camera shook uncontrollable again.

The 'uncontrollable' will be 'uncontrollably'.

I cannot wait to find out what that 'view' is. This was a really great cliffhanger though, and a good way to keep the readers hooked. I believe that finally they will realize now that the cameras are all dummies and serve no real purpose. I am not too sure though.

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!




Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS