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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 2.4

by KateHardy


She opened her mouth to ask a question but Mrs. Kane put a finger to her lips and shook her head. Aria raised her eyebrows and Mrs. Kane gestured down the dark hallway. Guess we have more distance to cover. Aria nodded and Mrs. Kane took off, Harry right on her heels.

Aria, on the other hand, walked a bit slower, trying to get a feel for the place they were currently in. A light that was so dim that it might as well have not been there lit up what appeared to be a rough concrete passageway. The telltale sheen of metal in the passageways they usually travelled through was absent here. It went on into what looked like a black hole. Apparently there was no light further down the passage or it wasn’t bright enough to be visible. Running a hand over the wall she was taken aback by how rough the surface was. It felt nothing like the smooth metal outside, but more like a rock that someone had attacked with a chisel. It was a rather puzzling contrast.

The hallway continued for a sizable distance. Her legs were groaning after a while, a hard day’s work earlier not being of any help. A few feet in front of her she could only see the silhouettes of Harry and her mother. She was tempted to ask how much further they had to go, but with her mother still not speaking a word, she didn't know whether it was safe to talk quite yet.

Eventually, Mrs. Kane finally came to a stop in front of a dead end. In the dim light, Aria could see Mrs. Kane counting a pattern as she traced her fingers along the rough-hewn concrete of the wall in front of them. After a few sweeps back and forth she seemed to have found the correct spot. She pressed tightly and there was a muffled hum of machinery as the wall swung inward like a giant door. It was hard to fathom how a door that large could open quite so smoothly and with such little noise, but the noise level was practically identical to a sliding glass door.

Aria had to close her eyes as the light spilling out onto the passageway was nearly blinding after the darkness of the passageway. Thank the gods that at least this room is lit properly. Mrs. Kane stepped into the room and gestured for the two of them to follow her. Harry didn’t hesitate. He was through the door before you could say ‘Secret’. Aria took a moment to compose herself. There was a good chance that this could be the either the best day of her life or the worst day of her life. She really hoped it was the former.

Taking a deep breath, Aria stepped through the door and followed her mother as they emerged from a short hallway out onto a small circular room. There was a small table at the center of the room which looked to be covered in several sheets of what looked like paper. Where on Earth did they find those ancient relics from? They can’t actually be using those to write can they? A man was standing behind it and gesturing to the three of them, smiling from ear to ear.

The rest of the room was mostly bare. The walls were the same rough concrete as the outside. There were a few plastic chairs scattered about. They looked identical to the ones in the eating hall, only much more beat up and nearly falling apart. Something that looked vaguely like a large metal spider sat on the sturdiest looking chair of the lot. 

Aria recognized the man currently gesturing to them. It was Mr. Haber. Two more familiar faces, Mr. Summers and Ms. Johnson, were already seated at the table. Three empty chairs were arranged on the free side of the table.

“Grab one of those and take a seat,” said Mrs. Kane making her way towards the chairs. Harry and Aria exchanged a look.


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Tue Sep 07, 2021 10:33 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Andrew here with a review! Oh my gosh, this is getting exciting, I think I'll probably review two chapters tonight so I can see what happens next, so many questions are about to be answered! I would say my only real complaint is that it's a bit rushed, and confused at times, but nothing major. I would just like some more vivid descriptions of what it's like to live in the skins of our characters, but that's really just an issue of style.
But into specifics!

She opened her mouth to ask a question but Mrs. Kane put a finger to her lips and shook her head.

An eyeful, change wording, shorten, or split.
She pressed tightly and there was a muffled hum of machinery as the wall swung inward like a giant door.

Tightly seems like a strange use of words
Thank the gods that at least this room is lit properly.

gods seem interesting, in this far-future have the majority of people adopted pantheistic styles of religion? Do they even believe in gods? If so, I'm curious to see what kind, and if not, I wonder why after so long of a time old curses with religous themes are still used. If they do not believe in a gods, or only in a single God, I would advise cutting the gods (plural) cursing. Its smacks of percy jackson and seems out of place.
But that's all just my two cents! Hope it helped!
But this chapter made me genuinely excited for the lore of this world and meeting this whole new set of characters.
Where on Earth did they find those ancient relics from? They can’t actually be using those to write can they?

ooooooooooh, I like this
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Thu Sep 02, 2021 4:30 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!Forever here with a short review!

WE have some new characters here and they are quite familiar with the main characters. I wonder if they too will be kind of main characters or their helpers. They can be antagonist too. There are always traitors in the stories. It's a forever hard task to find stories(Especially novels) which lack them. Who knows. Maybe they will try to escape and a situation will arise where everyone can't escape together and so a man will take the help of infidelity. Quite interesting.

I really like the fact how you are showing the personality of the characters through minute things, like how they walk and how they react to situations. We see a lot of character developments going on in each of the parts and how the plot also advances, a bit slowly though...

The way seems to be way longer than one might think. And this in turn makes me wonder about the extent of the camp itself. We don't have much idea about the population of the humans and the aliens in the camp. Obviously, it's not much as the population of today's world. The Aliens would have fainted if that were the case. Then, if it's on Earth, the Aliens must have killed many people and decreased the population a lot. And if it's not on Earth, I wonder what is on the Earth? If there are still humans on the Earth, maybe some humans got carried away by the Aliens to some other planet. Interesting. Also the construction of the doors, I mean those by the Aliens. Is that an indication that the Alien population is increasing day by day?

Now these people are absolute genius or maybe they are very normal people. The Aliens are a bit too stupid. Wow, I don't know but I absolutely love calling the Aliens stupid. XD The entrance seemed to be kind of a magic sort of thing but well, as that is not magic, I can assume that is a human creation. To create those, the humans need quite some talent. I have another thing to say. What about those laser things? Are those laser a creation of humans? I mean do the Aliens use the humans to create those? A lot of questions...

Anyway, another great part and you do a great job to make us impatient about the meeting.

Keep Writing!

~Forever

Image




KateHardy says...


Thank youuu for the review!!

First of all I have to say, I've been watching that leaderboard, and everytime I refresh you seem to have written another review!! You're doing awesome this RevMo!! :D I think you'll finish the checklist challenge in like 3 days at this speed. ALso that banner is AWESOME!!

Hmm...ahh, I love all these questions cause quite a few of them are tiny worldbuilding details that I spent like a month making but I know they aren't important enough to put in the story. So when you ask them, I get to actually say them to someone :D

So...I will say two things for your questions...the current human population is 10 million...and when they were first imprisoned, it was only about 8 million. The war with the aliens was a long one that killed over 7 billion people as you can see I'm quite evil

The thing, the laser system is alien technology :D

Oooh also...the year is 2218 not 2118, 2118 was when the aliens imprisoned the humans. :D

Also oooh...traitors huh....interesting ;)

Thanks again!!





XD. It's really pathetic how I am doing reviews when I should be studying for my ongoing exams. I really wanna finish the Checklist challenge as soon as I can, I don't know why :D

Hm... You have killed a lot of ppl
And that year, I calculated the year when they were imprisoned but I guess my stupid brain has obviously forgotten to mention that.
The traitors theory is interesting, lol. I haven't yet read a single novel which lacks traitors.



KateHardy says...


Hehe...good luck<33 Also don't neglect your studies, those are important too!!

Yes...haven't we all..;)

Ooop, I think I read it in your other review, then replied to it here by accident :D
xD...you might be surprised in this novel then...or in my novels in general ;)





Hm... Studies... I like studying... I do study... But well, at last, I forget everything and I don't study before exams. Strange. :D

Seems like your novels do not have traitors. Great!



KateHardy says...


:D



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Sun Aug 29, 2021 9:21 am
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello HarryHardy,

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Somehow, I was absolutely certain that the meeting won't be in this part. Don't ask me how, but I just knew it.

I really liked the way you have balanced Aria's thoughts and the descriptions in this part. The secrecy and the exhilaration of the previous part can no longer be found here. Instead, the closer they get to the meeting there is this underlying somber tone that takes on the front seat and this anticipation for the other shoe to drop. I think it is really great that you have chosen Aria's voice to narrate this chapter, because I don't think Harry's excitement and innocent optimism could have depicted the situation as well as as Aria's realistic approach. She knows the odds of the situation, and she knows the gravity of the consequences if whatever their plan is do not work. As the reader, it feels easier to connect to Aria and walk in her shoes in the moment.

The walk itself was not very climatic and I think I prefer that. I really liked the comparisons you brought out between the marble walls and the concrete ones that they were used to. I am curios about how they managed to set this place up. Do the aliens not monitor them or something? And what about cameras? One would think thousands of cameras would be hidden in the alien's base camp to keep an eye on the humans. How did not one of them pick up their journey to the meeting point? I think these are some points you can clarify.

Otherwise, this was a really well written chapter. It was just the kind of filler we needed to set up all the hype for the much anticipated meeting, which I have to assume, we are finally going to read about in the next part.

Keep up the good work and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

xD...yeah, the next part is the final one for this chapter and will end with the meeting starting, the full meeting itself is in chapter 3 ;).

As for the camera question, funnily enough this is the second time I'm clarifying this one today :D. Sooo...here's the tldr of the situation

Initially when the camp was formed, it was like you said, there were hundreds of cameras covering the entire camp from head to toe. But around 50 years in, the human population had predictable increased a decent bit, and the camp had to be expanded and its security upgraded. Now in doing this, the aliens decided to only keep cameras in working areas. That was based on two main factors, first of which was funding, this is one of many camps, and this alien species was recovering from a war these are details set to be revealed somewhere in like book 3 of this trilogy, but well there's a sneak peak. The second factor was that the humans had made zero successful escape attempts and so they thought that with the security being upgraded, the cameras in the working areas would be enough to capture any escapes in progress and the cameras near living areas were taken down.

Soo...the hub mentioned in the first chapter, all these gates, and some other locations we'll run into later down the line do have cameras, but main hall area that leads out from Aria's house, and these corridors that lead to the hub have no cameras. So for the moment its simply of a case there being no cameras at all. Now of course...the aliens didn't tell this fact, dummy cameras are planted here and there in plain sight to give the illusion of surveillance, but there actually isn't any and the ones who run the meetings figured that out a long time ago.

So yeah, hope that wasn't too much information all at once. :D

Thanks again for the review!!



RandomTalks says...


Yes, that makes sense now!

However the one part that really caught my eye was a totally different point. This is a part of a triology?! Have you got the other parts worked out?



KateHardy says...


:D

Yup, this is hopefully going to be part of a trilogy, book 1 is fully written, but yeah, book 2 and 3 are still currently sketches, I haven't started writing them quite yet...I'm planning on writing book 2 potentially for this year's NaNo and book three sometime after that :D



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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

That was quite an unexpected chapter. The whole chapter felt like it was a cliffhanger to this ending, which I appreciate because it opens up questions in me that don't have answers yet. Further, I like how you are a bit more analytical from Aria's perspective, trying to describe as much as possible. Even though the area looks so desolate, it seems to give a kind of reflection of what's going on in Aria's head (and maybe in Harry's to some extent).

I really liked how this chapter felt so silent, which is a great contrast to those grey walls before they get to the meetingpoint where it seems brighter and can be spoken. I think you've done a great job of recreating that atmosphere here.

I like your attempt to try something new in the descriptions in this sense. When you read the chapter, you clearly notice that although it always comes down to the same thing at the core, you manage to portray it well in this situation. (Probably again thanks to this analytical ability of Aria to look at it differently from Harry).

I think there will come a point where you are in the next part and you introduce the three new characters and describe them a little bit. I don't think it was the right point to introduce them so close to the end. One thing that struck me as odd was that Aria always described her mother as Mrs Kane. I think that gave the relationship between mother and daughter a certain distance that can't be bridged. It seemed as if they were on some kind of mission and not as a family. Now that I think about it, it seems better to stay with Mrs. Kane because her situation seems more like a mission. :D

Apart from that, I can't say much. I had expected more that the meeting would finally begin here, but I'll have to be patient a little longer before that happens. On the one hand, it felt like a bit of filler, and yet I think you also showed something that is important when you look at the story on a larger scale.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!




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