Hi Harry, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
So I see that your writing this chapter for a different persons perspective. I like those kinds of stories. It's a great way to get to know the different characters.
Ariana Kane walked into her mother’s room, already knowing it would be a pointless conversation. There’s no way in hell that new door is going to be any easier to crack than the previous ones. Sighing, she turned to face her mother.
I presume she is mother's little spy then? I'll have to see.
“I thought seventeen year olds didn't snuggle into their parents,” said Mrs. Kane, smiling down at her daughter’s face.
Of coarse they do! Can be older too.
“Why can’t everyone just get that we are never going to get out of here?” said Aria, more to herself than her mother.
Don't worry. If you weren't going to get out, there wouldn't be a story. Lol
“Aria, you can’t have stopped believing so soon.”
“Oh yes I can, because it already happened," she said.
I'm not sure why, but this part of the dialogue seemed quite clunky and didn't read as nicely as the previous parts.
“You can't lose either," mumbled Aria.
Hinting at something here. Maybe something happened on the previous attempts?
“And…that is where you’re wrong,’ said Mrs. Kane,” you didn't let me get to that yet.”
This stopped Aria in her tracks. She quickly reclaimed her seat by her mother’s side.
“What's that supposed to mean?” she asked. There is no way someone was that stupid.
“Hmm…how about a little bargain then?” suggested Mrs. Kane, winking.
“Uh oh, what have you gone and done now” said Aria, eyes wide. "Please tell me no one died."
This must be a recent turn of events. Otherwise, I'm sure she would have told Aria sooner. Ooo, I wonder what she did.
Overall thoughts:
I like it. It was nice to read the story from a different characters perspective. It changes things up.
I feel that this part was lacking in description quite a bit. The dialogue was great, but I couldn't form a picture of where the characters were.
I look forward to reading the next part.
As always, never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
Points: 7146
Reviews: 524
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