Hi Harry,
Mailice back again with a short review!
We are building very much towards the climax here and creating a good and exciting situation. I would also like to say up front that I like the fact that the situation here is presented in a different light than in some of the more dicey situations in previous chapters.
You can see the danger immediately, which I think comes across well now that we've seen the unknown. Again, I like the dynamics and build-up here and despite the fact that Harry has taken over the POV here, we also have a shining moment from Aria here. I like how you let other characters shine through this who don't exactly need to be the focus.
But what I always miss in situations like this is more of the inner life of the characters. What do Harry and co. feel? Do they immediately think of some kind of end, that they're going to die, that they won't be able to complete the mission, or is there that spark of hope that lives in them that lets them survive? I think if you could manage to insert these moments a little better, you could create a lot more depth there. It doesn't always have to be in a train of thought, but can also come from someone throwing a question into the crowd that isn't directly answered, but you as a reader get the valuable information of what that character is thinking.
Other points I noticed while reading:
Things in the forest appeared to be at a standstill as they inched their way towards an area out of range of the plant’s nearly invisible roots.
And then the forest exploded with activity, several creatures rushing at them.
I really liked this section change. It turned out really well with a surprise that was expected but also unexpected, at least in this situation.
“Good idea Aria,” said Harry, ‘ who knows,
I guess that one part of the quotation mark didn´t take Aria´s advice…
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
Donate