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Young Writers Society


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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 19.4

by KateHardy


She steeled herself and forced herself to look away from it, not particularly wanting to see the innards of the creature once it got blasted by the three rifles. She focused on the jungle spread out in front of her. At the moment, all she could see where giant trees that appeared to be the most common tree in this forest. From all the experiments they’d run with the drone, that particular type of tree thankfully appeared to be just a normal tree, if a little too brightly colored.

She strained her eyes, looking through the trees for any and all signs of movement. She probably wouldn’t be able to hear anything sneaking up on them, not with the racket made by the thing charging towards then and the sounds of the weapons discharging. She tried not to think about that too much.

There were a couple of loud screeches followed by a pained hissing sound and she guessed that one of them had managed to score a hit on the thing. The smell that followed definitely confirmed that. She grimaced and continued her lookout. It looked like they’d run into one of the stronger creatures of the jungle if it could take a hit from one of the rifles and keep on charging.

“Kate, Daisy, get ready to run on my count,” ordered Aria suddenly from behind.

Too afraid to look back to see what could have possibly called for such an order, Daisy continued staring right at a tree as she quickly replied, “K, Aria.”

“Five, four, get your gun ready just in case, three, two, boys, get ready to back up slowly, and one, you two get moving,” shouted Aria.

Trying not to think about the extra commands that Aria had packed into that order, Daisy turned and began to run; Kate by her side. The two of them didn’t stop until they heard Aria yell out ‘Stop’.

Daisy and Kate exchanged a look.

“Could you…” began both of them at the same time.

“I’ll just take a quick peek I guess,” said Daisy, “you keep watch.”

“Thank you,” said Kate, turning to look out into the darkness of the forest while Daisy glanced backwards. She let out a quick sigh of relief. It didn’t look like anything particularly bad was happening. There was still only the one creature standing there and by the way it was sluggishly staggering around it didn’t look like it was going to be putting up much of a fight for too much longer. The trio were slowly inching backwards and taking quick potshots at the creature, slowly tearing the thing apart. It looked like they’d were only moving back just to make more space for the fight rather than anything dangerous.

Turning back towards Kate she quickly whispered the news, “looks like they just needed a bit more space, everything seems pretty good back there, well…a little blood spattered, the monster’s blood of course, but otherwise they’re handling it really well.”

“I guess we should just do our part properly then, “said Kate, turning to her with a smile.

“Yup,” said Daisy, and the two of them turned back towards the directions they’d been keeping a lookout on.


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Sun Nov 21, 2021 4:55 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!

This was an interesting part. Okay, now the animal does appear to be more dangerous thn I thought it to be. And I ardently hope Daisy's assumption is right that it is one of the most powerful animals in the forest because if anything more powerful comes in front of them– it will be hard to tackle for the trio.

I would like to know how the animal actually smelled. Like it's not an earthly animal, so it's very very difficult to know how it smelled. Also, I would really like to know a bit about the sight that was skillfully escaped in the beginning. I do feel that there's something wrong with the flow of the beginning of this part. It doesn't seem like the continuation of the previous part but rather the beginning of a new chapter which happens after quite some time. However, in reality it's supposed to be the continuation. So, you might actually take a look at that.

“Kate, Daisy, get ready to run on my count,” ordered Aria suddenly from behind.

I don't see why Aria really ordered only them because there were other two and I don't think she wasted hee time gesturing to them and then telling to the others. Also, I don't see why Aria was really with Harry and Ryan. I mean as a leadee, it isn't uncommon or unnatural but if we take into account the fact that she can't really shoot, I would have preferred giving Kate the position. Or was it for the fact that she wanted to keep Daisy safe besides giving Kate some rest?

Okay, now I am honestly expecting something horrible to happen, I don't know why I am expecting but ah... I am. Like when the something ends with a peaceful note, we can expect something to happen that will erase that note in a moment. Why am I srsly imagining that animal pouncing on them? I don't know but I hope that is not going to happen and the peace was rule continue to remain in the next part.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Sat Nov 20, 2021 7:24 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This was an interesting continuation of the story. In the last part, I got the feeling that something was going to go seriously wrong now, however it seems like they got it all under control. I feel like there is a transition here that is missing. Overall, the pace in this part flows quickly and smoothly, but it does not really match with the previous one's where we were still exploring the forest. So, you have to maintain the flow in all the parts so that they work well together as a complete chapter.

Now, as I said, all of them seem surprisingly calm even though they are currently being chased by mutant creatures twice their size. The fear that was present in the previous part seems to have changed into practical determination in this one, and suddenly the treat doesn't seem so big anymore. Especially the dialogue at then gives us the feeling that we were hyped up for a very small thing, which kind of reduces the magnitude of the chase. And since we are moving towards the end of the story, you will want to close with a bang.

I once again really liked Aria in this part. The way she took charge was really admirable. And the breaks in her order was also a very realistic addition. In the tense moments, we always see the heroes delivering orders and speeches as though they are reading them off a script. Hers however, seemed like something I would encounter in real life.

Well, the danger sees to have passed for now. It will be interesting to see if they encounter any more struggles before their eventual escape.

Here's one tiny nitpick!

not with the racket made by the thing charging towards then and the sounds of the weapons discharging.

The 'then' will be 'them'.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D

Yeah...this one turned out to be easier to deal with than they imagined..but they're not out of this forest quite yet ;)



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Sat Nov 20, 2021 10:09 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back again with a short review! :D

Very great how the pace continues to develop here, and we now also get a bit of a brief impression of Daisy. A brief moment of inattention and yet I like this effect that we see a little bit of the old Daisy here subconsciously, but she still continues to move forward.

I like and dislike this part as a brief climax. I like the fast pace of how it develops here, but at the same time I feel like it's a bit too planned, like they're prepared for everything. Surely this is also due to plotarmor, but a little bit of a miss or a problem would add more thrill to the situation. Because now I'm wondering how it is that they can make it this far, but no previous search party has made it this far, if the possibility had existed. Because at the moment it seems too much like everything is happening correctly.

This doesn´t mean, that I didn't like the part, but parts like these give me the feeling, that there is some sort of prophecy to fulfil, so that there isn´t any real danger to encounter for the team. I would prefer, if there was some sort of loss for them or sticky moments, where I as a reader get the feeling to think, how they are going to survive this. In my opinion the part wen to fast on in this sense. But overall I liked it and I also didn´t like it so much.

Other points I noticed while reading:

At the moment, all she could see where giant trees that appeared to be the most common tree in this forest.

Just a tiny nitpick here, but I would leave out the second “tree” in the sentence and leave the space blank or maybe replace it by “plant”?

The smell that followed definitely confirmed that.

How does it smell? Like warm uncooked, disgusting meat?

“Five, four, get your gun ready just in case, three, two, boys, get ready to back up slowly, and one, you two get moving,” shouted Aria.

That really sounds like some sort of motivation song. :D I can see Aria with some pom-poms cheerleading them one. :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

I guess it's just that this part of their escape actually goes to plan unlike the previous bit with the door, and of course they are still on that relatively safe path so they are handling things alright for the moment. :D




I don't think so alliyah, but don't quote me on that.
— TheBlueCat