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Young Writers Society


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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 17.3

by KateHardy


“Harry, is that you?” came a whisper. It was Daisy. It was so quiet he could barely make out the words but he knew exactly who was speaking.

“Last time I checked,” he replied, speaking just as softly.

“Oh thank the fates, you’re not hurt are you?” said Daisy.

“Just a little scrape,” he whispered, “you?”

“Nothing, are you sure it’s just a tiny scrape,” said Daisy.

“Yeah, I barely even feel it, don’t worry about it. We can take a look at the damage once we get near some light,” said Harry, “you have any idea where the others are?”

“Yeah, they’re all just up ahead, we all dived behind this crate, you’re the only one that dived the other way,” said Daisy.

“Of course I did,” said Harry, sighing.

“Well, now you’re here, come on, let’s join the others,” said Daisy.

“By the way, why did they fire on us out of nowhere?” asked Harry.

“Ryan bumped into the crate we dived behind,” said Daisy, "I guess they were waiting near the door somewhere. They probably changed places now. They wouldn't hang around after giving away their position now that they know we're armed.”

“Yeah, no chance they would hang around. At least now we know they’re out there,” said Harry.

“Yup.”

“Did you find him?” Aria asked the moment the duo rounded the crate that everyone had dived behind.

“Yes,” replied Harry.

“Perfect,” said Aria, “you’re not hurt are you?”

“No, he’s not,” said Daisy, immediately.

“Let’s keep going then,” said Aria, “everyone make sure you’re weapons are ready to fire. We know for sure they’re out there now, we have to be ready to fire at any moment.”

“Where’s your gun?” asked Harry.

“Left it on the floor,” said Daisy. He could just about make out her silhouette bending down to pick something up, “probably shouldn’t have done that, but I didn’t want to accidentally poke you with the gun when going looking for you.”

“I’d rather be poked with a gun barrel than see you defenseless,” said Harry, gently.

“Well,” said Daisy, her voice turned uncharacteristically serious, “you better stay next to me then.”

“Yes ma’am,” said Harry. Hoping that she turned towards him to smile and not glare, Harry resumed walking. They made their way through the doorway without getting blasted with another hail of gunfire and into the third room. And then before they knew it, they were stepping through room number four.

The tension in the air was palpable as they made their way into the next room. The guards either had to be very close or they’d run off to call for backup. Neither scenario sounded appealing. Aria didn’t seem to be thinking too much about that however as she seemed to be gaining confidence and starting to move faster through the rooms.

They passed the next couple of rooms once again without running into anything and it was clear that the nerves were starting to settle down for Aria and Ryan who were both moving much faster. Kate, on the other hand had dropped back a bit to walk along with Harry and Daisy.

Harry couldn’t decipher the expressions on either girl due to the lack of light but by the way they were walking much slower he could tell they were both getting worried by the lack of guards. Harry himself had a nagging feeling in his stomach as they continued to walk. Something told him that something was about to give, the Carpathians wouldn’t have kept quiet for quite that long.


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Sat Nov 13, 2021 9:45 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back again with a short review! :D


I liked this part very much because it brought some short breaks to also clear up a bit what happened to the others. Of course, it's clear that Harry was the only one who went in a different direction and I think it's a nice little detail - as already mentioned in Part 2 - that we see such interactions and emotions. Through these indirect comments, the characters are built up well.

I liked how the pacing here continues to stay on the same course, but we now return to dialogue after a very "intense" part and Harry and Daisy continue to stay there in good communicative form.

I think, for the whole chapter, I like this part the best because it's kind of the middle point between two extremes that you're showing here.

Some points I noticed while reading:

“Last time I checked,” he replied, speaking just as softly.

I don't know why I'm just imagining him pulling out a badge and mirror and checking himself with it. But I guess that's his way of answering. :D

“Nothing, are you sure it’s just a tiny scrape,” said Daisy.

A question mark is needed here, which has probably lost itself in the darkness.

“I’d rather be poked with a gun barrel than see you defenseless,” said Harry, gently.

Harry talks very much like a gentleman here and I like that very much. It would be even better if he gave his gun to Daisy.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Thu Nov 11, 2021 5:43 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

randomTalks here with a short review!

Well, I will have to say I did not see that coming. With the cryptic and terrible cliffhanger you used in the previous part, I had genuinely thought that it was a Carpathian that had pinned Harry to the wall. You had built the suspense in such a way that I had fully expected something terrible to happen in this part, Instead we find out that it was only Daisy and the rest of the part goes relatively quietly as well. I guess, that was a rollercoaster of suspense in itself.

I enjoyed the short dialogue between Daisy and Aria in this part. It was well placed and added a certain lightness to the extremely suspenseful atmosphere of the story right now. Everything has been happening so fast, that moments like these allow the readers to simply breathe and catch up with the suspense that has been building up. We also get a glimpse of the friendship that ties these people and after all, that is the basic difference between them and the Carpathians - they have humanity and the Carpathians don't.

Now, I agree with Harry's gut feeling. After the way the Carpathians have literally been chasing their backs the whole time, the sudden lack of guards is more than suspicious. We already know that the strong suit of the Carpathians is their mind, they must have some kind of plan prepared for these types of escape attempts. Now that they have lost the initial element of surprise, I am not sure what they have ahead of them.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Wed Nov 10, 2021 5:01 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!

Well. I felt like yelling the moment I read Daisy's name. I mean that was a journey from the top of Mt. Everest to Mariana Trench in no time. Seriously I wasn't expecting that. Ending witg that line was definitely a great cliffhanger. I can't deny that. At the same time, it was a bit misleading, at least to me. I see a great difference between something and someone. And when you presonified something, I was kinda sure that was an alien. Don't worry, maybe it's just me.

If the guards have actually run for backup, it's going to be even difficult for them to fight. Like they are five and I guess the number was 100. So, 500 bullets. That number sounds quite good but well, aliens' guns are far more better than these guns. And also, the humans can't fire without a reason. That would reveal their location. Now I am really hoping that the other people like Mr. Summers and the others will do something to help them out. And if by amy chance, this groups manages to go to them and inform Mr. Summers about the storage, that is going to be very helpful. They are in dire need of some sort of protections that can protect them from the bullets of the aliens. Now if the aliens simply start firing, they will be helpless.

I liked the bits of happiness and the teeny tiny jokes that we had in this part. Sometimes, it does help to lighten the atmosphere. That sigh was something. In this part, Harry appeared to be actually very worried about everything going around him and well, nothing very good is going to happen. The foreshadowing does indicate that some firing or maybe even torture is going to happen. I mean what if they torture the ither people leaving these 5? That would get even worse.

Let's see what happens. I do have a feeling thaf the aliens are going to use some unpredictable and perhaps, unresistable weapon. I can see deaths coming up.

Keep Writing!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D

xD, that's the thing with breaking these into parts, if you read it all at once there's no cliffhanger, but I couldn't resist breaking it on that line when I was dividing them...yes I am very evil




Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot