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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 16.4

by KateHardy


Daisy jogged to catch up to them. Aria was surveying the room, clearly trying to decide what would be the most tactical position for them to be in. How she was staying that calm while the aliens seemed to be getting ever closer, Daisy would never know.

Just as Aria pointed at a crate in the far left corner, two figures burst through the open door, panting heavily. It was Harry and Ryan.

“You guys find a spot yet?” said Ryan. Daisy eyes went straight to Harry. He was drenched in sweat and his clothes were torn in several places but otherwise he appeared to be in one piece. Daisy ran over to him, barely registering Aria’s quick reply of ‘we need to get in that crate’.

Daisy grabbed Harry in a bear hug and he hugged her back.

“I made it back,” he said.

“You did,” she whispered.

“Come on you two, in the crate,” said Aria, “hug time comes later.”

‘Yes ma’am,” chorused the two of them, running towards where Kate and Ryan had already vanished and Aria was standing inside a crate.

“It’s a tight fit but I think we can pull this off,” said Aria, “this one of the bigger crates.”

Aria ducked down into a corner, flattening herself against Daisy. All six feet of Ryan was scrunched into half the crate. His face clearly showed that he wasn’t exactly enjoying the experience but he was somehow holding his position. Daisy squeezed in next to Aria, leaving barely any space for another human to fit in. Most people would have trouble fitting inside but Harry was very good at contorting himself into weird position due to a few of his joints being double jointed.

Twisting his body to resemble some kind of weird crab creature, Harry managed to stuff himself into the box, dragging the lid along with him, shutting them in. The darkness became absolute and Daisy couldn’t even see two inches in front of her face.

She held her breath along with the others as the shrieking sounds punctuated with the sounds of claws scraping on rough concrete became ever louder. The Carpathians were close by. Their makeshift plan was about to be put to the test.

She felt her heart creep all the way upto her mouth as she heard the sound of a door being flung right off its hinges. Judging by how close it was, the Carpathians had reached the room they were in. She heard them continue running and another sounds of a door being ripped out of the wall.

There were several shrieks and the footsteps heading in the direction of the final room.

“Harry, open the door, now,” said Aria, “we need to be out of here before they decide to start looking through the crates.”

Harry kicked the door lightly, gently opening it, being as quiet as he could be. He walked out of there, getting out of the position he was in, his bones cracking loudly as he stretched. Daisy was the last out of the crate as everyone crawled out in a mess of limbs and did their best to stand up.


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Sat Nov 06, 2021 10:04 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back again with a short review! :D

Sometimes the easiest solution is the most effective? In any case, this is a part that picks up on what was present in the last chapters, a little humour and doubt. It builds excellently on the last part and I can now understand where the story is heading.

I like how the plan, as it develops, crumbles together and something always comes up to stop them from moving forward in a straight path. You've done a good job of building up to that with Parts 3 and 4. Above all, I'm also pleased that Ryan and Harry are back and there's hardly any time for a bit of banter or chatting about anything, but that the seriousness of the situation is still there. The short approach and attempt to do that between Daisy and Harry and the subsequent quick hiding in the crates I thought was well done, because in contrast to the previous chapters it again clearly shows the danger that a failure in the mission not only brings an end for the characters, but for the whole story.

One other point I noticed while reading:

How she was staying that calm while the aliens seemed to be getting ever closer, Daisy would never know.

You are indirectly showing what Daisy is always like. Good start!

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Fri Nov 05, 2021 9:10 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Its a good thing that their plan to hide inside the crate actually worked but I don't think we should say anything right now. There are still so many ways for the situation to go wrong, that I think its best to just hang on tight and see what happens next. From where we are, I feel like they are never going to get out of here. But you did mention that the first book is just about the escape, and since they are in the middle of that right now, I think we have come a far way already. I can sense that we are close, but I have no idea how we are going to reach it.

This part seemed to be focused on just their attempt to hide inside the crate, and I was glad of the fact that you got it over within this particular part. We got a good cliffhanger at the end as a result, and I like how each of your parts end with this terrible feeling of not knowing what's going to happen next. It makes for a very exciting read every time we continue with the story and we get invested with it at once.

It was a relief to know that Harry and Ryan are alright. However, while reading about his torn clothes, I got the feeling that there are certain missing scenes here that we know nothing about and it makes it a little difficult to piece the entire plot together because of it. I would love to hear Harry and Ryan's side of this chase. Their unease and terror, and how they felt while distracting the aliens from the girls. Because we are reading this chapter from Daisy's point of view, we don't get to know all of these and they don't exactly have the time right now to stop and trade traumatic stories, so maybe you could mention it somehow in their respective narratives?

Overall, this was another good continuation of the story with good buildup. I look forward to reading the next part.

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D




Just because you don't feel like a hero in your own story, doesn't mean you're not a hero in someone else's.
— Tenyo