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Young Writers Society


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Survival: The Escape, Chapter 16.3

by KateHardy


Wooden crates littered the area. Several other oddly shaped items Daisy assumed were tools littered the floors. There didn’t seem to be any obvious hiding spots unless they wanted to dive behind a crate. And if Ryan could toss a crate that easily, it meant they were nowhere near sturdy enough to block against the weapons that the Carpathians carried.

They had to find something that was going to actually hold up against an attack and so far there was nothing that they could use, even as they charged into yet another room. Daisy was now losing count of how many they’d been in. It didn't help that each room seemed identical to the other, with the only things changing being the number of crates scattered about. 

Meanwhile, behind them the crashing sounds were dying down, and the shrieks that had started to become more distant were closing in again. The barrier idea had most likely worked at slowing down but it seemed it had only held them off for a few brief moments. She couldn’t help but think that they’d gotten a hold of Harry somehow. Daisy punched the air in frustration being unable to know what was going on.

Aria finally ran into a door that didn’t burst open. Kate and Daisy came to a halt right beside her.

“What is it?’ asked Daisy, already fearing the worst.

“This one is metal,” said Aria, “it’s not budging.” Aria tried the handle but it also appeared to be locked in place.

“Where’s a Ryan when you need one?” said Kate.

"I think he's got more than enough on his plate at the moment,” said Aria. “Come on girls, look for something that we can use to hide. No point wasting energy trying to bust that thing open.”

“On it Aria,” said Kate.

Daisy nodded, thoughts of Harry haunting her once again as Kate brought up Ryan. Doing her best to squash them Daisy made her way towards the corners, hoping something was hidden in the semi darkness besides a bunch of old crates.

“I have an idea,” said Kate, “how about we go inside the crates?”

“Do you really think the Carpathians would be stupid enough to actually fall for that?” asked Aria.

“Right, they probably will check,” said Kate, “but I mean there are so many. If the boys got a decent lead, they would have no way of really telling where are. We could be in any of the crates.”

“Yeah, sure it might give us time, but you can bet they’re going to search everything,” said Daisy.

“I know. I know. I was thinking we could hide in the other room, hope that maybe they check this last room first, and while they’re doing that, run the other way,” said Kate.

“I don’t like it,” said Aria, frowning thoughtfully before adding," but yeah, I can't see a better option for us right now. It just might the only things that works."

“Maybe we can scatter a bit,” said Daisy, “one of us stays in this room, the other one in the rest.”

“No, splitting up would be a horrible idea. We would never be able to tell if they caught one of us until it's too late. We can’t take that risk,” said Aria, “come on, grab something off the floor and let’s find a crate to hide in.”

“I highly doubt one crate will be big enough,” said Kate. "These aren't that big."

“We’re going to have to try,” said Aria, picking up a long metal contraption. It had a large handle and a hook like thing at the end.

“A wrench, Nice,” said Kate.

“That’s what you call that thing?” asked Daisy.

Kate nodded as she reached for a tool of her own. It was a long blade, set in a very similar design to a metal cutter, expect much wider. Daisy hunted for a tool of her own and settled on a long metal bar with a bend at the end. Aria and Kate were already at the door of the room.


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Sat Nov 06, 2021 10:04 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,

Mailice back with another short review! :D

Here in this part we finally have something that I somewhat missed in the previous one; thoughts. Daisy shows a bit of concern and I like that. Especially because now they are finally at a kind of impasse where motivation and perseverance is somewhat diminished. This change of setting I think is well done and also builds effectively to the story here. The chapter starts to go more in that direction from this part on and I think to change that a little bit, just insert tiny changes in the first two parts.

What I liked here in the part was how the pacing laid down but still increased through the instinctive use of dialogue and trying to have a way to hide from the Carpathians with a new plan/idea. I think that's what I liked here in the part, that this dynamic could be seen especially between the girls. Part three is definitely a little highlight in itself, because there is a kind of new change that is more comprehensible than at the beginning.

One point I noticed while reading:

Daisy punched the air in frustration being unable to know what was going on.

What runs like a thread through this story in this chapter is Daisy. As I said, I think it's good and not so good. It gives me the impression that we've never really seen her before this chapter.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D

Hmm...I suppose Daisy hasn't been drawing too much attention so far as a character so now when she's a bit separate from Harry and Aria, she gets a bit more room to shine. :D





Yeah, true. Maybe without Harry, Daisy can really shine, because she doesn't have to look out for him. :D



KateHardy says...


Yeah :D



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Fri Nov 05, 2021 5:38 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

They have finally found what can be called a very revealed hiding place. The crates do appear to be very unsafe for hiding but still the best they could find at the moment. I am a bit worried because the would not be able to hide behind those for long and the aliens can dimply fire those and honestly I still don't know if they would be able to restrain themselves from panicking and finally shouting if an alien fires their crate.

Okay, I wonder about the metal door. If I am not wrong, that belongs to the aliens and not humans. Hm... Now I do have a guess why it is the forbidden area though I can be very wrong. Like maybe the aliens wanted to give that place the highest protection for something that is inside that room. Like it's in sooo interior of that area. Makes me wonder what is in the room.

Hiding in one single room was, as of me a good idea. At least they can now keep track of each other as they have already lost track of the boys. The boys are in terrible danger. They should actually find a hiding place for themselves. Otherwise, the aliens will find and attack them.

I liked the fact how Aria didn't care about being polite and simply told that she didn't like the idea. That actually helps in revealing her personality. And one thing which I am really pondering on for sometime. What is the exact source of light to them? If they can see the crates and everything, there should be some source of light. I don't think you mentioned that the area had any light or... Did I overlook it? ...

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

There was a little bit of light in that very last room. I think I mentioned it somewhere...but even I can't remember exactly where so you're good. :D



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Thu Nov 04, 2021 9:01 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Well, this was an interesting continuation of the story. Because the chapters have been split into so many parts, I got the feeling sometimes that the whole chase has been going on for too long; that they can't possibly keep this up any longer. But if I read all the parts together, I guess it wouldn't seem as long and the whole action sequence would flow smoothly enough.

I like how you keep on building and building the suspense. There seems to be no brake for our team of heroes, and for some reason that makes it more believable. We have reached a point where I cannot guess what is going to happen next and I mean that as a compliment as it keeps the readers on their toes and invested in the plot of the story and the fate of its characters.

To be honest, I do not like the idea of splitting up either And the fact that the boys are out there causing distractions makes me feel a little uneasy because we have no way of knowing what exactly is going on there. They can have already been caught for all we know. I understand Daisy's fear and worries regarding Harry, but I am also impressed how Aria does not let the same worries shut her down. She still keeps a clear head and calls the necessary shots. I also am not very sure about the idea of hiding in the crates. But its the only idea they have right now and they can't afford to waste time and hope that they will somehow get the door open. Like Aria said, I don't like the idea, but it's their only shot right now.

There is not much to review about in this part. You have been building up the plot one by one in each part, and now we have to wait and see what all this leads to.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D




What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!
— William Shakespeare