Hi Harry, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
Sorry it's taken me so long to do another review. Life has been getting in the way a lot lately.
Harry took a deep breath. I don’t know what’s worse. Being the lightest of the team and assigned to climb up or being forced to watch a friend of yours climb up. He shook his head. None of those thoughts were helping him avoid losing an arm. He slowly began his work, relaxing as he fell into a familiar rhythm.
Oh so that's why he was chosen to climb the ladder. I was going to ask why as the male he was the one to climb. Good job clarifying that fairly soon into the chapter.
It took him almost an hour to clean the top. Climbing up and down the ladder accounted for almost half of that time, most of which was spent wishing for the thousandth time that they had been given a climbing platform instead of this ancient ladder which was in terrible shape.
I like the tension that you're building around this creaky ladder, but I feel that you could add some more description to make the ladder feel more rickety rather than just telling me it is.
After cleaning was done for the day, they took their time in putting away the equipment back in the corner that it had come from. They didn’t want to risk food privileges after all.
The aliens want everything spick-and-span.
The walk back to The Hub was just as silent as the walk to the gate. As they walked, Harry went over the things that they had learnt that day. He was the one that had cleaned the section that surrounded the door. At first glance it hadn’t seemed like much but upon closer inspection he'd seen that there was an entire network of some sort running through it, tiny golden fibers forming a massive lattice that appeared to be powering the security system. At least that’s what he had managed to deduce. The only way to know for sure would be to get someone like Kathryn out there. She could tell it in a heartbeat. I should have paid more attention in computing. Ahh...well mom will be happy with what we got.
Again, great to read these inward thoughts. Also, who is this Kathryn?
Daisy was walking beside him and judging by her furrowed eyebrows she had probably been staring at him the whole time he’d been lost in his own thoughts. Oh no. Poor girl probably tried to catch my eye for the past ten minutes.
"Earth to Harry." Lol, I can relate to Daisy in this case. The number of times one of my siblings has been lost in lala land and I've tried to catch their attention.
Overall thoughts:
Another pretty short read, but nice. I'm slowly getting to see the world and characters. The only complaint I have is that I feel the description is a little lacking in this part. I know that you put a lot in the last few parts, but a steady flow of description is always nice.
Again just my opinion though. Feel free to laugh and ignore it.
As always, never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
Points: 7146
Reviews: 524
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