Hi Harry, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
“Doesn’t look like much,” said Harry, frowning at the unimpressive and positively flimsy looking door. It appeared to be much thinner than any of the other doors and nothing about it screamed ‘You shall not pass’ like all the other doors did.
They are so going to touch it. Also maybe include some detail on how it looks flimsy. Like are the other doors made of steel or iron and this one is made of glass or wood?
“That’s about all mom managed to find out,” replied Aria.
Ooo, so they do have parents or at least Aria does so far.
“Think we can earn ourselves some extra food from this?” asked Harry.
So I take it that they are on food rations. Are they quite hungry or are they fairly well fed? Maybe include something along those lines in the previous chapters?
All because of some morons in suits a hundred years ago. Sometimes, it was unavoidable though.
Oh, now I'm curious. I have to know what happened to get them into this mess.
“It’s only just cleaning right?” Harry asked to confirm.
Just an opinion, but I think either 'just' or 'only' needs to get taken out. I feel that it reads a little funny otherwise.
As Harry worked, he reflected on the game the aliens were playing when they gave the younger teams a place as small as this to clean but always somewhere close to the walls. On the surface it seemed fairer. The younger teams got only a fraction of the ridiculous amounts of work that were required of the adult teams but the effect of being quite so close to the outside and knowing that there was no way they'd ever be allowed to leave was far worse than having a ton of work to do. If anything, having less work to focus on made things even harder.
I really like these inward thoughts. I'd love if there was a bit more in the story as it's a great way to attach to the main character and also to learn more of the world.
The one piece that Harry knew would be the worst part. They were not allowed to have their heads actually be above the wall nor could they touch the top of the wall. Those that had tried had gone home missing their hands or their heads. The automated system of lasers that enforced this rule was very strict and did not allow any margin of error. There was a reason that the sound of bugs frying was something that neither of them even noticed anymore.
Again another great use of thoughts to convey new information about the world. Love it.
Overall thoughts:
I quite liked this read, the thoughts particularly. That part when Harry reflected on the past mess that caused their current state of existence is quite intriguing. I hope I get to read more of that soon.
As always, never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
Points: 7146
Reviews: 524
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