Hey, I have a review for you!
First, I really like the descriptions you used! It does a great job of putting you into the scene and helping you feel what the characters are feeling. I especially like how you described the bed in, "He tried to squeeze as much warmth as he could from the threadbare blanket he was lying under. The cold steel plate that he called a bed felt like an ice cube against his back, offering no comfort against the chilly air in the room."
“Sorry to wake you up so early, but we're being reassigned today and we can’t be late,” she said, giving him a small smile.
“That’s okay, sis,” he said, slowly sitting up in bed and returning the smile,” I should've kept that in mind.”’
Harry stretched as he clambered off his bed. It sounded like his entire body was breaking apart as his stiff joints cracked in unison. What I wouldn’t do for a mattress.
I also like this part a lot! It leaves me with questions, which I'm excited to see potentially answered! What does she mean by reassigned? Why doesn't he have a mattress?
“And what was that for?” Aria asked returning the hug and resting her chin on his head.
“Am I not allowed to hug my big sister?” he asked, smiling into her shoulder.
“Hmm…sounds like you're trying to butter me up for something,” she said, pulling him in closer, “fifteen year olds don’t hug their sisters.”
“No I’m not,” he said, attempting to sound offended,” how could you ever accuse me of that?”
"Okay…I'll believe you, but now, you do need to go get ready. You stink,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
“I do not,” he shot back.
“Oh yes you do,” she said, pulling away and turning to leave.
“Why you…” began Harry, but she ran off before he could complete his threat. Smiling to himself, Harry walked back into his room.
This part was fun to read. I like their sibling relationship, especially because it reminds me of how I am with my siblings. They have a fun sibling dynamic so far!
Even though they called it a hall, the tiny room barely had any space making it feel cramped even with barely ten people milling about. Thick concrete walls, bearing no decoration whatsoever surrounded them on all sides. An air conditioning unit attached to the roof was the only break in the monotony of the concrete box that was the hall. The air conditioning unit had been inoperational for as long as Harry could remember, with the thing providing only a tiny current of warm air that made no noticeable difference to the temperature. Sometimes he wondered if it had been attacked in its broken state, just to make them all feel worse.
Again, I love the descriptions! It really gave me a clear picture of what Harry was seeing in my head. I also just love your writing style in general. I'm not great a putting my thoughts into words, which is ironic considering I'm a writer, but something about it makes it extremely fun to read!
“Hello!” she said, smiling brightly.
“Morning!” he said.
“I beat you to the Wake-Up today,” she said crossing her arms, a smug smile on her face.
“This is grave news indeed,” he said, a very serious look coming over his face,” I believe the world is going to end tomorrow.”
“Oh come on, I've woken up early before,” she protested, swatting him on the arm.
“No you haven’t,” he shot back,” I always have to wait to see that wonderful smile of you…”
A throat cleared next to them.
Harry turned to see Aria coming up from behind Daisy.
“That’s enough flirting for one morning, Harry,” she said, winking at him.
“We were NOT flirting!” chorused Harry and Daisy.
“Sure about tha…” began Aria but was cut off by Harry.
OOH, is that a potential romance I see? Personally, that just makes me even more invested. And you two are absolutely flirting, Harry and Daisy, don't even try to deny it.
Overall, this is a really great start! I'm excited to read more and can't wait to see what happens to Harry, Aria, and Daisy!
Points: 52
Reviews: 6
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