Andrew here for a little review. This chapter continued the vibe of the last chapter, if a bit reprieve of previous times we have walked in hallways, there's also a couple of run-on sentences here.
But I like the build-up for a super-secret meeting.
It had been a fairly boring day and the identifying labels on the seats, if they had ever existed were long gone, leaving the exact origin of the ship a mystery for the moment
I had to read this like four times before I could understand what was going on. - Granted, for the last hour my brain has been melting out of my ears from lack of use, but still maybe consider editing.
She plunged into the dark hallways first as she always did, Daisy, the poor girl still didn't seem comfortable with the dark, clinging on to her and Harry walking next to Daisy, pointing out the occasional obstacle that they had to avoid.
Another instance of my goopy brain having difficulty. Consider cutting up into multiple sentences. I also believe the grammatically correct version of this sentence would be:
She plunged into the dark hallways first as she always did. Daisy, the poor girl, still didn't seem comfortable with the dark, clinging on to her, and Harry walking next to Daisy, pointing out the occasional obstacle that they had to avoid.
But even Grammatically correct upon first reading I was a bit confused about how Daisy was holding onto both Aria, harry, and walking next to herself.
But that's just my two cents!
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew
Points: 34
Reviews: 178
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