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Young Writers Society


12+

Survival: The Escape, Chapter 10.2

by KateHardy


Sooner than Aria would've liked, it was time to head back. The day passed by quickly with more work being done on the inside of the ship. Their main focus had been digging out all the seats and sending them off to some sort of underground warehouse area of the camp through a set of chutes in another room. It had been a fairly boring day and the identifying labels on the seats, if they had ever existed were long gone, leaving the exact origin of the ship a mystery for the moment. Since the clue about it possibly belonging to the milky way, there'd been nothing to find.

Aria paused before the sliding glass doors, and took a deep breath to savor the night air one last time before stepping through. There was no going back now. Their next destination was going to be the meeting.

She plunged into the dark hallways first as she always did, Daisy, the poor girl still didn't seem comfortable with the dark, clinging on to her and Harry walking next to Daisy, pointing out the occasional obstacle that they had to avoid. The trio made it back to The Hub where they paused to double check for signs of movement.

Mrs. Kane had told them to be on the lookout for anyone assigned to follow them as the promise of a secret meeting especially with this meeting requiring a location change could bring in unwanted guests. Seeing nothing, they continued on to the hall.

Once at the hall they waited for their designated time to be heading for the meeting room. They had to leave a precise time in order to make it to the meeting area on time. Mrs. Kane had told them that with the other groups that also had to arrive they had to minimize the meetings between groups as much as possible to reduce potential suspicion by the guards. 

Their time was in exactly fifteen minutes. It passed in silence. Harry and Daisy both seemed lost in their thoughts and Aria didn't particularly feel like striking up a conversation herself either. 

Soon they set out, making their way slowly down unfamiliar hallways, Aria leading the other two through more areas of complete darkness, a clear indicator that these were hallways that weren’t supposed to be travelled at this time of the night.

It was a fairly long walk. Aria estimated that it took them at least ten minutes to stumble their way across the various corridors until they finally ran into the nook that Mrs. Kane had told her to watch out for.

The three of them paused at the door. Aria studied the handle. It looked normal enough and Mrs. Kane had said as much. They were apparently using the hiding in plain sight strategy for this meeting. Something about the aliens never suspecting that they'd dare to do it. It was unnaturally risky but it was all they could do in that situation. Aria took a moment to look at the other two, both of whom gave her the slightest of nods. She put her hand on the handle and gently pulled down on it. The door swung open smoothly on well-oiled hinges.


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Sat Jan 22, 2022 10:36 pm
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Andrew here for a little review. This chapter continued the vibe of the last chapter, if a bit reprieve of previous times we have walked in hallways, there's also a couple of run-on sentences here.
But I like the build-up for a super-secret meeting.


It had been a fairly boring day and the identifying labels on the seats, if they had ever existed were long gone, leaving the exact origin of the ship a mystery for the moment

I had to read this like four times before I could understand what was going on. - Granted, for the last hour my brain has been melting out of my ears from lack of use, but still maybe consider editing.
She plunged into the dark hallways first as she always did, Daisy, the poor girl still didn't seem comfortable with the dark, clinging on to her and Harry walking next to Daisy, pointing out the occasional obstacle that they had to avoid.

Another instance of my goopy brain having difficulty. Consider cutting up into multiple sentences. I also believe the grammatically correct version of this sentence would be:
She plunged into the dark hallways first as she always did. Daisy, the poor girl, still didn't seem comfortable with the dark, clinging on to her, and Harry walking next to Daisy, pointing out the occasional obstacle that they had to avoid.

But even Grammatically correct upon first reading I was a bit confused about how Daisy was holding onto both Aria, harry, and walking next to herself.
But that's just my two cents!
Thanks, and keep writing,
Andrew




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!! :D



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Fri Oct 08, 2021 5:05 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Harry,
Mailice back with a short review! :D
 
This was quite a daring intermediate chapter. You can learn a lot from the characters and I especially liked the silence between Aria and the others. It's a testament to a tremendous rapprochement where we are. These "silent" texts always help to build something more in the story. I think in parts, though, it felt a bit like filler. Either you need to add something banal here or make it shorter, but the bottom line is that I was sitting here wondering; if I haven't experienced something like this before.
 
I think if you're trying to put in "filler", it's important that it's not immediately obvious. For example, you could introduce great, unimportant side information, or other characters who never appear again, to give at least a brief flavour. Because you made this part here like a promised ice cream, but now I only have the waffle and not the ice cream. :D
 
I like this part, but in general I can't say anything about it right now, except that it was good but definitely still expandable.
 
Other points I noticed while reading:
 

She plunged into the dark hallways first as she always did, Daisy, the poor girl still didn't seem comfortable with the dark, clinging on to her and Harry walking next to Daisy, pointing out the occasional obstacle that they had to avoid.

That's quite a long sentence, but actually I wanted to note here that "the poor girl" from Aria's POV sounds a bit odd, especially if this is Daisy.
 
 
Have fun writing!
 
Mailice




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

This chapter is a little fillery...I kind of wanted a slower pace chapter to exist between the high tension scene with the alien earlier and then the next few chapters to follow, which are going to go deep into their plans. :D



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Tue Oct 05, 2021 5:37 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Harry!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

This part seemed mostly as a filler and I guess all this is eventually going to lead to the meeting which is the main plot of this chapter. I remember how you built up such hype during the previous meeting when they caught a glimpse of the world outside. A lot of new developments have taken place since then so I suppose they are going to have a lot of things to discuss in this new meeting. Given their enthusiasm and how quickly they work, I have a feeling that they already have plans and back up plans sorted out. It will be interesting to see what new twist comes out of this meeting.

I liked the slow pace that you have set for this part. I like how it reflects the monotony of their work and the routines they have to follow. Right now they simply have to wait for the meeting and somehow trudge through the day until then. Although, I did think it was a little strange how Harry and Daisy were lost in their respective worlds. I had thought that Harry would be jumping up and down in his excitement, but he has been a little broody since the start of the day when he woke up which makes me wonder what is going on in his head.

Overall, this was a nice continuation of the story. There were certain sentences that were too long and the problem with long sentences is that the meaning get lost somewhere between all the words and the sentence ends up not making much sense. I have noticed that your dialogues are usually on the much longer side, but this time I saw it reflected in the mainstream text as well.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!



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Tue Oct 05, 2021 4:45 pm
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Coffeeboyjay wrote a review...



hi harry jay here to drop an review from you

lets get started harry

First off harry i love the way you make up the characters name and the names be so amazing and anyways harry what you having on your next novel like we need to know when is your next novel story coming and harry i also i love a part i like Mrs. Kane had told them to be on the lookout for anyone assigned to follow them as the promise of a secret meeting especially with this meeting requiring a location change could bring in unwanted guests. Seeing nothing, they continued on to the hall. harry i want to know was ms.kane was on the last novel you did i think when i read it she wasn't on there i think

my compliment is harry how did you start with writing short storys to novels harry and some good characters harry how you get to do all these short storys and novels harry cause what i im seeing is you doing well with these


harry how you can improve is start writing more novel storys and then just doing short storys but hey harry you doing you and you do want you want but like i said harry you always been writing since i came on to this site


keep writing harry!!!




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Tue Oct 05, 2021 4:36 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

This was a bit relaxing part though it builds a lot of interest in the minds of the readers to see what is going to happen next. I am quite curious to know how the meeting will go. As it seems, there will be a lot more people this time than the earlier one. So, we will meet some new characters. That would be fun.

Mrs. Kane had told them to be on the lookout for anyone assigned to follow them as the promise of a secret meeting especially with this meeting requiring a location change could bring in unwanted guests

Here, I was a bit confused about what you exactly wanted to say. I mean who would actually follow them. The whole humanity should be in favour of this meeting, I guess. So, no one will follow them to harm them. Maybe they would follow to take part in the meeting as they had not been invited? I would like a bit clarification on this. Also, the "nothing" which follows this line is interesting. They don't refer to the humans as a thing... Does it have to do anything with the aliens?
They were apparently using the hiding in plain sight strategy for this meeting

Maybe put the hiding in plain sight in inverted commas.

I wonder why they actually changed the meeting location. Unfortunately, I don't exactly remember the size of the previous meeting room, so I can't tell if it has something to do with size. Maybe it has because it has got to accomodate a greater number of members this time.

So here Aria appears to be a bit thoughtful in the second paragraph. Like when she thought that there was no going back, I just had an image that she actually wanted to go back but I can't find any reason and if I am not wrong, she didn't want to go back. At least, the rest of the part didn't show that. Howevee, i do understand that she was a bit nervous about the meeting considering the fact that she didn't do well in the last meeting and she would try to give a better impression this time. It's always fun to see characters interacting with unknown people. I just had a little question which I actually came across while thinking about my characters and that is what is the hearing range of aliens? Is it the same as that of humans?

I am eager to know what happens next. The ending was not a cliffhanger but still a good place to end.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




KateHardy says...


Thank youu for the review!!

Oh that's referring to guards :D They want to be be extra careful that day :D

Hmm..the meeting location change does have a reason, but that's for later ;)

Oh, alien hearing range is actually lower than humans. Like they have about the same hearing as a partially deaf human. :D

Thanks again!!




"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
— William Shakespeare