z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



Practice List of intEresting AnimalS of notE

by KateHardy


Practice List of intEresting AnimalS of notE

  • Hong Kong Squirrel
  • Ecuadorian Iguana
  • Lebanese Hyena
  • Panamanian Fox
  • tough list
  • Madagascan Lion
  • Ethiopian Elephant
  • torturous list to write
  • Irish Cow
  • Tasmanian Devil
  • not much time left to write list
  • West Indian Rabbit
  • Australian Kangaroo
  • Spanish Pig
  • I'll be finished with this list
  • Japanese Buffalo
  • American Eagle
  • Croatian Boar
  • Kenyan Rhinoceros
  • quickly or it's over now this list

writt3n b9 ka1tlyn h4rd9

eDitEd By mr.Brian Y. STokingsREET

efrCrrrgAtestLscribble4rfgI3fgghhF444O66gdsRedfNggaIdaAfd


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Wed Jun 12, 2024 4:50 pm
Rusithara says...



This is awsome thinking...




User avatar


Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Wed Jun 12, 2024 4:24 pm
Rusithara says...



Wow




User avatar
11 Reviews

Points: 209
Reviews: 11

Donate
Wed Jun 12, 2024 7:28 am
HildeMint wrote a review...



I love this concept, it takes a little bit to read it, but the bold really helps flesh out what your looking for. It begs the question why? Whose jack? What happened to the author? Is Mr.Brian Y.Stokingsreet a real person? Maybe, maybe not? Probably not now that i think about it. Also, the animals themselves are actually very interesting




User avatar
326 Reviews

Points: 28647
Reviews: 326

Donate
Mon Jun 10, 2024 7:38 pm
View Likes
EllieMae says...



I just need too say, this is SO COOL!!! Wow!!! :D




KateHardy says...


Thank youuu <3



User avatar
34 Reviews

Points: 3057
Reviews: 34

Donate
Mon Jun 10, 2024 1:20 pm
AnotherCrowInRow wrote a review...



Okay, WOW!
As soon as I noticed the name, it was clear to me that I was in for some word/letter games. And it really is!
I love this concept because if one doesn't pay attention to the fine print, they just see a list of animals. But fortunately, the bold print is a clear enough arrow for what is really important when readinG.
I like that we don't know who is wRiting this notE And where - is it a hasTily written letter before death? Or did the victim have time to think before realizing it was Jack? The Only thing that is clear from the letter is that the author of the letter was sure that when the list is found By the person who is supposed to find it, everything will be clear to him.
I can imagine many stories behind this, and I think it would be really cool if this poem was part of something else!
I confess that at the end I also typed the address at the end of the list into Google Maps purely out of curiosity. And I admit that I was a little disappointed that I didn't find anything there, since during less than two minutes of reading I really "got involved" in the untold story of this list.
(P.S. Maybe you noticed, maybe not, but the list of animals is not the only thing here with weird jumping-size letters ;))




KateHardy says...


Thank you for the review!



User avatar
19 Reviews

Points: 615
Reviews: 19

Donate
Mon Jun 10, 2024 1:04 pm
View Likes
emilyrebecca wrote a review...



Hiya! I'm here for a quick review of this wonderful work!

As a lover of creative literary structure, I think this is a really cool idea which I thoroughly enjoyed reading. The premise is really interesting as well.

My first thoughts on possible improvements or changes have to do with the way you incorporated the "creepy lines," like, "quickly or it's over," and, "I'll be finished." I think they work well in the narrative sense, but as far as the animal listing presentation, they seem a bit out of place. My first idea on how you could separate them a bit is maybe just centering those lines all the way to the right, almost as interjections of the characters genuine panic and fear. You could also play around with punctuation, font and sizing for those lines if you wanted to.

tough list


I am a bit confused about your intention behind the above line. I totally understand the emotional implication, but I just don't know if it fits the formatting or really the structure of the other non-animal lines.

In my opinion, the ending three lines could be incorporated a bit better into the rest of the poem. To me, the last bullet reads as an ending line and really pulls through the ominous feeling, and the sign off kind of feels tacked on. I really do love the idea of the address, I just think that the incorporation could be improved. I also think that the "written/edited by" lines as concepts don't quite make sense for the list format.

Additionally, I have a question. Did you put consideration into the animals themselves which were listed? I'm not sure, but I think that would be a cool idea. Like maybe having the lines which spell "ME" be made of animals which are prey or generally seen as victims, while the "JACK" lines could be made of predators and animals generally seen as victimizers. It's not necessary of course, but it could work to add another layer of depth.

Overall, I think this is a really interesting piece! I especially enjoyed the duality between the mundane list of animals and the underlying mystery and horror elements. I commend you for trying something experimental and I think it turned out pretty awesome!

I hope this finds you well and that I wasn't too harsh. This is my first review in a while so I might be a bit rusty.

Happy writing!
-emilyrebecca 🍄




KateHardy says...


Thank you for all the great suggestions! It definitely wasn't too harsh!



User avatar
48 Reviews

Points: 3583
Reviews: 48

Donate
Mon Jun 10, 2024 10:19 am
View Likes
TheRebel2007 wrote a review...



Hey there, Kate! Rebel here to write a short review! :p

Now, at a first glance, I tried to read each Bolded (is that a word?) letter. And they are:- "PLEASE HELP - tough - ME - tortourous to write - IT - not much time left - WAS - I'll be finished - JACK - quickly or it's over - 39149 DEBBY STREET CALIFORNIA

It took me a couple of seconds to process what's going on, and the dread hit me all at once like a lightning bolt straight from the heavens. At first, I thought that this was a real cry out for help, so I quickly googled the address 39149, Debby St., California - and I was relieved to find that although there is indeed a Debby Street in Los Angeles, California - there's no house or place number 39149 there nor is its Zip Code 39149. So, if your intent was to inspire horror, I assure you that you definitely inspired real horror in me for a minute.

Now, to come to the list itself, I like the idea of writing a cryptic list like this to help the investigators know the murderer. I also like the gradual descent from an ordered list to strikethroughs to a completely illegible sequence of letters. It makes me imagine that the writer's panic increases as Jack, the supposed murderer, attacks them as the victim writes a list on a paper or types it on a phone to make Jack think that they are just writing another list (to make it sure that Jack doesn't erase this).

Overall, this text is reminiscent of Ernest Hemingway's style of conveying the most by writing the least, and leaving the rest up to the reader's imagination. And, in my opinion, you have performed perfectly. Reading this, and reviewing this, was a different experience - to say the least. Keep writing! :p

P.S.: This review to brought to you by Team Tortoise! :p




KateHardy says...


Thank you for the review!




"Rumors?" "Yes. Terrible things. Grow on men like warts." "Tumors?" "Both. Look, there is talk about you."
— Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings