z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language

This Land Is(n't) Your Land

by Virgil


The sugar in American candy is battery acid
rotting teeth down.
Eroding at them like sand dunes until they are
the consistency turns into milk in my mouth.

Y'all is a way to get around
from having to say a clunky phrase.
Spit on my new shoes
and I will use it to scrub my sneakers clean.

If laziness was an extract in a pill bottle
in it would contain Americans,
stuffed into tiny pill capsules.
They say to hate what you can't own.
My hands are taking grasps at all the
phrases and pop culture
to define what is mine.

Let's forget about metric
or how twelve inches equals one foot.
The US is a wafer filled of diabetes
that metric was smart enough not to swallow.

The inner nihilist inside me tells me to play by the rules
written soft enough on paper that
politicians can write over the Constitution.
Crossing out and writing on top of
words now hollowed out of their original meaning;
metal bent enough that it is snapped in two.

This land is your land,
this land is my land.
And it's pretty shitty;
tell us that it is so,
and we can tell you we already know.

Note: This is a work of parody though it has moments of sincerity and is quite different from what I usually write. Just not to confuse people I don't think things on extreme levels of this sort/topic.


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44 Reviews


Points: 51
Reviews: 44

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Sun Aug 28, 2016 3:34 pm
ofmonstersandmen1234 wrote a review...



Hello, I'm Sandman and I'll be your Reviewer on this lovely Review Day.

To start off I think this is a good poem. I can tell that you're trying to say that America is going to Hell but, what else are you trying to say? I can't tell if you're trying to say. It seems like you're sure of what you're trying to say but, as a reader, I'm not sure. I get that you're not very pleased but, what else are you trying to convey to the reader? I can't find anything really wrong with the grammar it's just the fact that I can't tell what you're trying to tell us. Have a great day and a great Review Day.




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7 Reviews


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Sat Aug 27, 2016 8:07 am
Basilisk says...



Down with Trump.




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62 Reviews


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Sat Aug 27, 2016 2:46 am
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Poopsie says...



I get it. Trump is running for pres, but that doesn't mean America is stupid. >:v




Virgil says...


This was more of a rant about how people saying how much america sucks and how I'm tired of hearing it so I made this ^^



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Fri Aug 26, 2016 11:30 pm
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Werthan wrote a review...



Dieses Land ist dein Land
Dieses Land ist mein Land
Vom Mammutbaumwald nach dem Golfstromgewässer
Dieses Land wurd' für dich und mich gemacht

Honestly from the title I thought it was going to be about how the European settlers took the land from the American Indians, or maybe just how no one owns the Earth and we should treat her well instead of abusing her like many do, but in any case I did not expect it to be "Americans are a bunch of lazy diabetics who eat tons of high fructose corn syrup and only know pop culture and say y'all". Honestly, I would say if you write a poem, it should not need a note at all if you do it right. I have really a bit of a hard time believing that a little two-line note at the bottom of a poem overrides the message that the poem itself says. By the way, what is wrong with "y'all"? I don't say it myself but people who speak a nonstandard dialect aren't stupid. However, the actual putting together of words (I mean, like the language used in the poem) was pretty nice even if what they are put together around is a bit odd to me.




Evander says...


The thing is, the two line note at the bottom does entirely aid the message. It sets it in a tone that would have been lost. It clarifies that this is a work of parody. Although, while your comment concerning 'doing it right' has some merit, it might hold different levels of merit for different people. I didn't really need the comment at all to discern it from parody, but others might welcome it to find the humor.




Seeing is believing, but feeling is the truth.
— Thomas Fuller