Visceral!
Your use of white space was very hard-hitting here, gut-twisting. Not sure if paper is the route I'd go? You use that a lot, I feel. So many poets here talk about paper and ink and it just is overwrought. Experiment with that image and think of other things that spread blood the way paper does, even if it's a rephrasing as tissue or gauze or cotton. I don't care, I just hate paper these days.
Rain, bullets, beautiful stuff.
Not a fresh rhyme, but I like the execution of it--possibly try to inverse the second of the couplet so that it's an internal rhyme? Less of a nose-grab that way.
I want to yell at you about the last stanza because of ink and paper but I won't because I'm being nice today. Instead I'll yell at you about being so on-the-nose about suicide, even going so far as to list your date-of-death. All that's missing is a literal hand falling to the side. That's it. And it'd be right on the nose. So try to be discrete here. It'd benefit us all.
BUT INK AND PAPER, KAOS? REALLY?
Oi, it shows me your hurt. Figure out a different image, though--and read this on every level--I feel what you're getting at.
Ty
Points: 1626
Reviews: 745
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