Hey there! Shey here for a review!
You said in your description that this is probably the most cliché thing you've written, and I will agree that it's cliché. However, it's still extremely enjoyable, and I ended up liking this piece a lot.
My first comment on it is something which the previous reviewer commented on. Exclamation points. They're used to show emphasis, but you don't want to overuse them. You have them when quoting a cry, and I think that was the most logical time to use them. The other times are really unnecessary, so you could probably get rid of them.
My other comment is on whitespace. This whole piece is located on the left side, with no line centered or on the right for emphasis. To be honest, it's somewhat boring. Whitespace is a poet's ally, so maybe try experimenting with it. Take advantage of it, because you can and should.
Overall, great piece! I really enjoyed it, and look forward to seeing more from you! Keep writing!
Points: 1983
Reviews: 176
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