Young Writers Society

At the start it was weak but by reading further I started to understand what is going on.
The expression,the passion of the feelings,the thoughts-I felt them all and I think you did a very good job.
You have no rhyme which makes it even more interesting because the rhyme catches the eye...but it is not nessesary thing in poem.poetry.
Very good job you had done even for five minutes.Looks like for these 5 minutes your artistic mood was on!
Continue testing your writing skills like this.
Comparing the slipping away from the arms with a small balloon at a carnival is pretty good also.Added a slight detail.It could be more but I like it this way,also.
There were some repeatments maybe you had used same words in the end of following lines because you had nothing else to say.The repeatment is not that bad and not ruin it at all.

Good job again.

This is amazing. This poem expresses a lot of emotion--lost. I love this poem because it's a story as well. I would expand some stanzas, and explore with other words, but this is great.

I felt the physical emotion within. I know this feeling from past experiences and it's a reassuring thing that everything will turn up fine.

The last stanza is my favorite because it adds to this a lot. I really don't have any critiques because this poem is beautiful by itself.

Keep up the good work and have a good day/night!

I liked this poem more than I thought I would- and not in a rude way, but rather I thought it might "just" be a romance that I'd gush over so on and so forth, though it was actually rather sweet. It had meaning to its words and made me smile before I inevitably frown when I reach the not-quite happy ending. I like how you brought in the title for the last line and really drove it home. I understand that it was likely about a sick friend (forgive me if I interpreted that wrong), but I found myself relating to the words because of one of my friends. I'd known her for three years before she confided in me that she wanted to die- I don't know what I'd have done if she had chosen to. It made me think (even if you believed it to be "crappy", each to their own I guess) so I appreciate that! Good luck writing more!

this is a great story, i think you should expand your stanzas a little more, but I see where you said you did it in 5 minutes. also, in the very beginning i was a little confused mostly about what you were talking about, i think you you make sure the whole thing is flowing strongly. the very end of your poem was the best part in my opinion, you used strong words and great comparisons there.

this is a great story, i think you should expand your stanzas a little more, but I see where you said you did it in 5 minutes. also, in the very beginning i was a little confused mostly about what you were talking about, i think you you make sure the whole thing is flowing strongly. the very end of your poem was the best part in my opinion, you used strong words and great comparisons there.

this is a great story, i think you should expand your stanzas a little more, but I see where you said you did it in 5 minutes. also, in the very beginning i was a little confused mostly about what you were talking about, i think you you make sure the whole thing is flowing strongly. the very end of your poem was the best part in my opinion, you used strong words and great comparisons there.

very good poem, only thing I saw wrong was that in one of your stanzas you had one line. but i loved the very last stanza, bravo!

I think this is pretty good for a 5 minute quick poem. I want to say a few suggestions though:
1. For one stanza you only have one line. I think you should be consistent with that.
2.The first stanza was kind of confusing. Could you kind of rephrase the second line to make it more understandable?
3.I just noticed that the stanzas all have their different number of sentences, was that done on purpose?

Other than that I think you did a nice job, Keep up the good work

This is so far from terrible.

This is such a visceral poem which I personally like. Although it does not flow (which I will get to later) I think the feeling you put into this work is just enough to really carry it. The metaphors and symbolism you use are really great and I like the way this whole thing feels like its teetering on the edge of reality and the abstract.

Onto the Cons.

The poem is very blocky. As I said before, there is no real flow leaving the lines feeling very separated and independent. In all, it feels more like a story than a poem. Poetry isn't necessarily a great mix with reality. I feel like if you free wrote with just the idea and the feelings you put into this, it would be a lot more interesting.

Great job nonetheless.