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That One Time We Strategically Used a Bathroom in Battle Part 2

by HarryHardy


Vankous spluttered, his shield flickering from a moment from his break in concentration.

"WHAT??" he demanded.

"Now wait, I actually had a lesson on that back in my days at the agency, you mean that wasn't just a prank?" asked Sean.

"Duhh...its one of the newest combat techniques introduced into mainstream warfare, but yeah, with the rapidly increasing number of state of the art bathrooms in buildings, invasion warfare has had to adapt you know, you do have your slipper right?"

"Yeah," said Sean, "I do carry those around."

"I don't have slippers," said Vankous, still not looking convinced.

"You can just float," said Harry, "Sean having them is enough for this plan to work, now come on, figure out which one is the men's bathroom, we don't wanna be going into the wrong one."

"On it," said Vankous, floating up.

"I've got it, the one on the right is the men's bathroom, " yelled Vankous.

"Sean, we need a distraction so we can barricade ourselves inside that and set up some traps," said Harry.

"How strong does the wave need to be?" asked Sean.

"Enough to knock em off their feet, but not enough to break the foundations of this place," said Harry.

"Got it, and h....alright," said Sean as Harry created a bridge of ice linking them and the bathroom.

"Get ready to rumble folks," yelled Sean as he stamped his foot down on the ground, channeling his power into it. A seismic wave, probably one that wouldn't have much of a reading on any kind of scale wobbled through the castle, cracking tiles, sending vases and paintings flying, breaking windows and causing general mayhem.

The end result was everyone ending up on the floor besides the trio of agent. Sean and Harry jumped onto the ice bridge, sliding their way across and to the bathroom door that opened for them as they got closer. Vankous floated in after them, letting the door he'd held open with telekinesis slide closed.

"Sooo, what now?" asked Vankous.

"You're job is to hold that door close, because very soon..." There was a loud crashing sound on the door as if someone was trying to bash their way in with a mace. "That will happen."

Vankous nodded and turned towards the door, now out of his bubble but still floating a few feet of the ground. Purple energy engulfed the door as the Venian symbol for shield burned bright at the center of the door.

"OKay, slipperiness test," said Harry, lowering himself to the floor and studying the bathroom floor. As he did that, Sean took the opportunity to switch out his combat shoes for his slippers, well combat slippers he supposed although he'd never before worn them in actual combat.

"Alright, we're good, the plan should work. Sean, what you're supposed to do is, trip up a few select guests that will soon be in this bathroom and using the advantage of the floor to trip them up and slide them towards the five stalls here. There looked to be like four commanders or something, so we should have just the perfect number of stalls. I'll be looking through the door and alerting Vankous to let it open so that we can swallow those commanders one by one. That way...we should cause enough confusion among the ranks of the guards for them to give us enough peace to teleport out when its time.

"Sounds like a plan," said Sean, testing out the slippers. Surprisingly with them on, he seemed to have a crazy amount of grip on the floor. Feeling for the buttons places where his toes could reach them, Sean readied himself for the coming fight.

"Well it better not go wrong," said Vankous, "but I am ready."

"Excellent," said Harry.

"How are you gonna trap them in the stalls though?" asked Sean,

"Ever read Percy Jackson?" he asked.

"Yeah but how is that relevant?" asked Sean.

"I'm about to become the Lord of the Bathroom," said Harry, "okay that sounded way cooler in my head."

"YES," said Sean, "this might actually be fun."

"Oh it will be, okay Vankous, we have our first guy, swallow him with the door."

The energy field flickered momentarily and one of the commanders was flung through, his momentum taking him almost to one end of the bathroom. He did somehow manage to stay upright to his credit. The door slammed shut behind him.

"Hello Sir," said Sean, "if you insist on using the bathroom, please pay the fee of one punch to the face." As he said that, said punch to said face happened knocking the poor guard flat on his back. Sean's slippers engaged, boosting his foot across the floor to send the guard sailing towards the corner most stall where a flood of water rose out of the commode and snatched him up like some sort of ancient bathroom dwelling sea monster.

The next unfortunate soul was expelled into the bathroom a couple of minutes later. Sean didn't waste time with a one liner that time, letting his lippers do all the work as the man was immediately on the back and sliding towards the next stall where he was also promptly snatched up.

The third one turned out to be a female commander and three agents gasped.

"Madam, you cannot be in here, please have some decency," said Sean as he punched the hapless soul towards the next stall. The time the waterfall lifted the woman upto the ceiling and held her there.

The final commander was the most doomed however. He didn't even managed to keep his footing, the pressure from everyone pushing on the him from behind sending him flying across the floor. He was immediately snatched up as well.

"Oh the plan is working, the force on the door is decreasing," said Vankous, "I'm actually surprised."

"Told you it would work," said Harry, coming down from his hiding place above the stalls. Harry's communicator beeped as he and Sean exchanged a hi five.

"And perfect timing, Sean?" said Harry.

"Everyone grab onto an arm, " said Sean. As the two agents did just that, he concentrated, thinking about the flight deck of their timeship, the TS Tachyon. An instant later, he was no longer staring at the white tiles of the bathroom, but rather the smooth blue carpet of the Tachyon flight deck.

"Oh you guys made it," came the voice of one Jennifer Hardy, Harry's sister who promptly engulfed the Captain in a hug.

"Yup, that was a surprising success," said Harry, " you guys have the idol."

Larry aka Soundwave brandished a large ugly statue carved out of some sort of emerald rock.

"Perfect, everyone strap in then, we've gotta go return that idol. Its not exactly close by and the speed limits in this area are ridiculous."

"Welcome aboard, Captain Hardy," said the ship's AI, recognizing Harry's voice.

"Hey, Hydra, set course for the Knivadaria Galaxy would ya," he said, walking towards the captain's chair.

"Larry, get that thing in storage and put all the wards up," ordered Jennifer as she took here seat.

Sean made his way to his seat as the entire gang of 17 agents settled down and strapped themselves in, Larry also returning from him trip in ten seconds flat.

"Here we go team, buckle up," said Captain Hardy. The ships engines roared to full power with a delightful whirr and the time ship shot off into space. 


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Thu May 27, 2021 2:33 pm
Mageheart wrote a review...



Hi Harry! I'm back with another review. :)

Vankous spluttered, his shield flickering from a moment from his break in concentration.

"WHAT??" he demanded.


Vankous being done with everything Harry comes up with will never not be funny. :P

"Now wait, I actually had a lesson on that back in my days at the agency, you mean that wasn't just a prank?" asked Sean.

"Duhh...its one of the newest combat techniques introduced into mainstream warfare, but yeah, with the rapidly increasing number of state of the art bathrooms in buildings, invasion warfare has had to adapt you know, you do have your slipper right?"


I'm still not convinced that it wasn't a prank that just happened to be convenient now. >>

I also love both Sean and Harry's reactions here. Sean trying to pause the conversation was perfect, and Harry being like "of course that was an actual thing" was also hilarious. I can't get over the dynamic these guys have.

"You can just float," said Harry, "Sean having them is enough for this plan to work, now come on, figure out which one is the men's bathroom, we don't wanna be going into the wrong one."


That's a very good concern. :P

"OKay, slipperiness test," said Harry, lowering himself to the floor and studying the bathroom floor. As he did that, Sean took the opportunity to switch out his combat shoes for his slippers, well combat slippers he supposed although he'd never before worn them in actual combat.


"OKay" should be "okay".

And I love how Sean calls them combat slippers!

There looked to be like four commanders or something, so we should have just the perfect number of stalls.


Going back to my comment on the previous part, I would have loved a little more build-up to the commanders ahead of time. It would have made this line even more hilarious than it already was. :P Maybe they could offhandedly mentioned the four commanders in the last part when figuring out what they need to be prepared for? It would have also been good to get a description of how many stalls were present ahead of time, but I still really love this part.

"Ever read Percy Jackson?" he asked.

"Yeah but how is that relevant?" asked Sean.

"I'm about to become the Lord of the Bathroom," said Harry, "okay that sounded way cooler in my head."


I've never related so much to a character as I did when Sean yelled "YES" right after that comment. I had a sneaking suspicion Harry was going to make a reference to that the moment Percy Jackson came up, but the delivery made me geek out even more.

(As a quick little dialogue tip: Since "okay" would be the start of a brand new sentence, you need to put a period after Harry and capitalize the "o" in "okay." You might also want to switch around "said" and "Harry" so it the sentence reads a little more naturally.)

"Hello Sir," said Sean, "if you insist on using the bathroom, please pay the fee of one punch to the face."


This is everything I could have wanted from bathroom-related warfare.

"Madam, you cannot be in here, please have some decency," said Sean as he punched the hapless soul towards the next stall. The time the waterfall lifted the woman upto the ceiling and held her there.


Never mind that last comment—this was a hilarious call-back to the search for the male bathroom in the start of this part!

"Here we go team, buckle up," said Captain Hardy. The ships engines roared to full power with a delightful whirr and the time ship shot off into space.


I love how this 1) reinforces the fact that Harry's actually in a seriously important leadership position and 2) shows how this story is just a quick snapshot of their usual adventures. I don't have many general comments this time around, but I would have loved to see the other members of their group question how exactly Harry's team got out of the castle. It would have been funny to either see their disbelief at the bathroom combat or Harry, Vankous and Sean completely deny that was what happened. I could especially see Jennifer teasing Harry about it. :P

All in all, though, this was an awesome short story! I really do love the characters and the way you write action. I'm not the best at action myself, so reading how you write it actually helps me write my own action scenes. You really do keep a battle's momentum going.

I'm really glad you ended up writing and posting this. :)




HarryHardy says...


Thank you for the review!!!

xD...I was originally planning on putting a few fun bits of dialogue there with Jennifer grilling these three but then I decided that would make it too long..:D



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Sat May 22, 2021 8:23 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi HarryHardy,

Mailice back with a new review! :D


"Duhh...its one of the newest combat techniques introduced into mainstream warfare, but yeah, with the rapidly increasing number of state of the art bathrooms in buildings, invasion warfare has had to adapt you know, you do have your slipper right?"


I don't know why I like this description. That Vankous can tell Sean that without laughing himself to death, or that it somehow sounds logical and comprehensible. It sounds really convincing. :D

"Hello Sir," said Sean, "if you insist on using the bathroom, please pay the fee of one punch to the face."


I can well imagine that there are no refunds.

Sean didn't waste time with a one liner that time, letting his lippers do all the work as the man was immediately on the back and sliding towards the next stall where he was also promptly snatched up.


Here the "s" slipped in the slippers. :D

Wow. As I said in the previous review, the title surprised me a lot and made me curious. I can say that I was not disappointed. I think you've built up a fun and exciting short story. I don't know to what extent to take it seriously (not to be taken as a negative) but I like how the story develops. It reminds me of the funny sketches I like to watch on TV that are just random, with no real background, just to make someone laugh. You definitely managed to do that here. (And I hope it was meant to be).

Since the theme of the title is about bathrooms, I would have liked during the course of the text if one could at least read what the bathroom looks like so exactly. Since it is the "selling point", so to speak, for the story, I found it a little disappointing that as a reader you were unfortunately not given any insight. Especially for the build up to that point, I would have expected that. (What kind of tiles are there? Does it smell like lavender? Is there a rubber duck lying around somewhere, etc...?)

Furthermore, you created good dialogues and I like the dynamic between the three characters. I have the impression that it works a bit better here than in the previous one, because you focus on one single person during the whole bathroom scene.

What surprised me towards the end is how the ending remains so open, which I think is good for the reader. I'm sure you could write more (funny) and exciting sequels.

I don't know to what extent you have built up the whole short story as a serious project, but I still see potential to expand the story (and possible sequels) further and make it a small follow-up series where one is always introduced to new adventures and surprises. It seems to me more like a pilot episode of a series where you see the characters in action before the later episodes are more about the characters themselves.

To sum up, I really liked your short story. I don't know why, but I suppose it just has to do with the fact that it's so bizarre. I hardly think I know anyone else who would write something like that. :D You definitely managed to give me an amusing evening with your story.

Have fun with the writing and reviewing!

Mailice.




HarryHardy says...


Thank you for the review!!

Glad you like it...:D...and hmm...this is sort of a short and silly extract from a larger story of mine....I kinda occasionally write these little skits to try and develop the characters of that one for when I finally manage to write it...so...xD...maybe I'd write a few more of these silly things...and yeah it was definitely intended to be just a random silly skit to make you laugh...hence the startling lack of proper description...although in all fairness...I've come to realize that describing things is something I just generally suck at so it might just be that...xD



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Sat May 22, 2021 8:16 pm
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Spearmint says...



LOL that title XD I shall never underestimate bathrooms again :P hehe this was super fun to read!! =DDD




HarryHardy says...


xD...Glad you enjoyed it!!




I'm worried about the tigers just kinda roaming around like that, Jack.
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