Hiya, mint here with another review! ^-^ Just one more chapter part and hopefully we get to switch to Safi again... Anyways, I'm anticipating the power overload that will surely come when all four of these super S-name characters are in the same room together. =P
I feel like this chapter was written in a rush, which is understandable for LMS, lol. There's a slip-up into first-person in one section, and it seems like some paragraphs are just random thoughts strung together. I'll point out one section later! But I know you'll probably come back to this and revise it, so I won't say much more about it for now.
Specifics:
Anna of course had managed to completely forget to whisper any part of that conversation so of course Sally now had to deal with the fact that whoever wasn’t getting picked was probably going to end up hating her.
Ohh! So it's just one alert, but Sally has to choose two recruits... Is there a reason for that? Will Stacey and Jake have different tasks? Or do they usually only have small groups of recruits, so it's a matter of there not being enough space for all four of them?
Before she could get a glimpse of two fresh new looks of sadness, she marched out, stepping through the door before she glanced back to see that the other two were following.
Judging by their expressions from last chapter, I don't think Stacey and Jake will be too disappointed, hopefully... >.>
As much as she always had that inbuilt desire to try and analyze every single trainee put in front of her to death, this was not the time for it even if it definitely was the place for it.
So, this is the part I thought felt a little rushed! While I really do like the little joke about this being the place for it, I feel like it needs some punctuation to be properly emphasized. Perhaps parentheses or a dash would work? ("this was not the time for it (even if it definitely was the place for it)." or "this was not the time for it-- even if it definitely was the place for it.") The sentence right before this one feels a little run-on too, so that would be good to look over later. :]
She knew the blank slates were only this blank because the spells on these had such high specifications that any decoration could ruin the balance and cost the agency a little bit too much per door.
Ooh, so the lack of decorations really was for a purpose. And oho! There's magic in this world! Now I can't help but wonder exactly what kinds of spells were used... :3
“I told y’all to come over here so that I can tell you what to do. Have a little bit more patience Sally. “With that Anna walked away towards the front of the room leaving Sally spluttering a little. She’d been working in this place for far too long. Literally everyone read her like a book.
Hm, I'm not sure how Anna got the part about having more patience? To me, it just seems like Sally was raising her eyebrows as if asking why Anna shut the door, lol. If raising her eyebrows was meant to actually prompt Anna to share more info, maybe you clarify it with a piece of dialogue or something?
The decor really was the part that would stand out, and as things tended to go, that was about the least useful thing in one of these rooms.
I wanna know what this decor looks like. :eyes:
“Sally are you planning on joining us anytime this weekend?” asked Anna, and Sally nearly jumped a full foot in the air.
XD Why is Sally so on-edge? She seems like a professional (or at least, experienced). Or is the coffee making her jittery?
It looks like we're all set up for the new recruits to get to work! I'm looking forward to the next chapter part. Keep writing, and I hope you have a fantastic day/night! =D
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