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Young Writers Society


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Harry Potter and the Forgotten Power, Chapter 2.1

by KateHardy


Chapter 2

The Five

16 years later

01st March 2019, Lyceum International School, Sri Lanka, Earth - 36

Ineth Senivirathne's blue sedan pulled up next to Gate A. The prefect to be (he was still on probation) walked inside the school, looking to all the world like a properly civilized young man. His black hair was combed neatly and his dark brown eyes glinted in the morning sun. He was 4 minutes early so he had nothing to worry about and strolled off leisurely to sign morning attendance.

3 minutes 40 seconds later

The next member of the five; Maran Dhuharan, also a prefect on probation, put his considerable athletic skills on display to the school as he dashed in through Gate D like a man being chased by a pack of hungry lions. He covered the 150m to his destination in about 19 seconds.The head prefect, having just gotten ready to draw a red line to indicate that anyone who signed past the line was late , paused to look at Maran. His black hair was a rat's nest from the wind. His dark brown eyes droopy from sleepiness. He was dripping with sweat. His shirt was untucked and his badge looked like it had seen better days. He earned a disapproving look from the head prefect as he signed as the last person to be on time. One second later and he would have been too late.

15 seconds later

The naturally born wizard of the five, Hasana Perera, strolled into school leisurely through Gate A. He had met a friend on the way and he was chatting away. The black eyed, dark haired boy walked in slowly and headed on towards his class; 11 Science A. He was rather short and quite plump. He had a chubby face with at least three chins.He wasn't someone you'd ever catch running anywhere. He made his way up the staircase, insulting the stairs several times.

10 seconds later

In what was an unusual occurrence, a blue defender pulled up next to Gate A and the next young witch, Nakitha Semalee, got out and slowly walked into school rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She rarely made an appearance at school this early but today she had been left with no choice. She had dark brown eyes and long black hair. She drew the attention of more than a few boys with her looks as she trudged up the stairs slowly to her class, nodding greetings to the friends she met on the way.

2 minutes later

The black Toyota Aqua of the last wizard to arrive pulled up near Gate A. Rakdu Wijeyaratne jumped out of the car and in a single fluid moment pulled out his bag, an exceptionally large wheeled bag the size of an average hand luggage, and dashed into school with a nod to the security guard at the gate. He proceeded to tear up the stairs 3 at a time. His black hair which his mother had attempted to comb was messed up in seconds. His strikingly dark jet black eyes were lined with red due to lack of sleep. As he thundered up the stairs like a rampaging bull, he dodged around children with an agility that shouldn't have been possible for his rather large size.

20 minutes later

Positively drenched in sweat but full of energy and in high spirits, Rakdu jumped the last 4 steps from the 5th floor to the 4th floor, his monstrous bag hitting the ground with a "THUNK" that rattled the entire floor. He was quite happy, having ended his table tennis practice session with a perfectly executed forehand smash that had flown just a couple of millimetres above the net. As he turned into the corridor that led to his class, 11 Science B, he saw his longtime friend Nakitha chatting away with her friends in 11 Science E. The fact that the bell, which signaled that everybody should be inside their respective classes, had already rung was being blatantly ignored by everyone.

He flashed a quick smile at her and said," Hi!"

"Hi! Is this the time you're coming to school?" she asked, turning away from her friends for a moment. Her friends continued their discussion.

"No!" he declared and then proceeded to explain," we had table tennis practices in the morning. We have a tournament this Sunday."

"Oh!" she said," Good luck then."

"Thanks! Gotta go though. Bye!"

"Bye!" she replied with a smile.

He continued in the direction of his class. As he arrived at his class he nodded a quick 'Good Morning' to one of his classmates, Nathanol, who was standing by the side of the doorway of the class like he was on guard duty, staring at something in the distance.

He walked into class hoping to take the shortcut to his place over the teacher's chair but found that their teacher for the first period, Sir Sujwa, had already arrived. He plastered a fake smile onto his face and muttered a good morning followed by a Latin curse under his breath. Then he proceeded to maneuver his massive bag through the maze of desks. Reaching his desk, he shoved it under it with enough force to slam it against the wall it was next to. After that, he inspected the desk and the chair for crow droppings and found some on his chair. He discretely switched it with someone else's, before sitting down on the chair. He took out his water battle and had a sip before getting up and heading towards Nathanol.

Nathanol was still peeking around the doorway staring at something or someone down in the corridor, like a crocodile watching for an unsuspecting fish to eat.

"What or who are you looking at?" asked Rakdu. Nathanol faltered for a minute and then gave one of his laughs that made him sound like an escapee from an insane asylum. He followed it up by showing all 32 teeth in a massive smile.

"Nothing, I was just…" he stammered trailing off.

Rakdu brushed off the obvious attempt at hiding something and asked," Shouldn't we be going back into class? I mean the bell already rang and the teacher's already here. In 5 minutes school is going to start so we better get back and take our books out before that."

"Okay, let's go sit down then," said Nathanol. He turned around then slapped Rakdu on the back, obviously meaning it to be a friendly pat, but not knowing his own strength, he delivered a painful slap, that emitted a loud "CRACK". Rakdu, fortunately for him, had an unusually high pain tolerance and barely felt anything. He agreed and just to let out some steam proceeded to punch the class room wall at full speed. Not something most people can pull off without breaking a knuckle or screaming in pain but Rakdu's powerful shot had the entire wall shaking and Rakdu continued walking to his seat humming a tune without showing the slightest hint of pain.

Two minutes before the bell was about to ring, the most recent addition to Rakdu's circle of friends arrived at the doorway. His name was Aden. He did a quick scan of the class before spotting the empty seat next to Rakdu. He walked towards the seat slowly and plonked himself down, putting his bag under the chair.

"Hi!" he said," I bought some of that powder that turns people black."

"What!" Rakdu exclaimed. In reply Aden, took out a blue polythene bag full of black powder. He put some water on the table from his massive 2 liter bottle and put some in it. Instantly it turned purple then slowly turned brown as it was exposed to the air.

"Oh! Potassium Permanganate," remembered Rakdu, who had the reaction burned into his memory from an experiment they had done at the lab the previous week. Due to some unfortunate maneuvers, his lab coat now had spots of brown all over the place. “That stuff doesn't wash off easily. You better not be planning to throw that at someone."

"Oh no! I'm putting this stuff in someone's bottle," replied Aden complete with a maniacal grin for maximum evil villain effect. Rakdu just shook his head with an 'I can't believe you just said that' look on his face. Then the bell rang, signaling the start of lessons. This started the mad dash back to class and the class filled up quickly.

Rakdu turned towards the teacher and joined his classmates in the valiant battle to stay awake as Sir Sujwa droned on in his usual flat monotone. The lesson continued till a quarter past eight. As soon as the bell rang, the entire class breathed a huge sigh of relief. Sir Sujwa proceeded to leave. Their class teacher then walked in.

Those who had fallen asleep were quickly shaken awake and they all managed to chorus a 'Goooooood Mooooorning Teeeacher',dragging out perhaps a bit too long for an A/L class. The teacher didn't comment but sat down and began to mark attendance.

Aden meanwhile took out his bag of powder and started turning things brown. The last page of his Math book became the first victim. After that was done, he remembered that he hadn't had breakfast yet and took out his lunchbox. He glanced around the class to make sure that no one would try to steal any food.

Rakdu joined him in keeping an eye on the back of the class, where the pack of hyenas disguised as 11th graders hung out.

A few minutes later at half past eight Ms. Gaithri left and Sir Sujwa walked back into the class to a half-hearted good morning.


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1487 Reviews


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Reviews: 1487

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Wed Aug 12, 2020 10:24 am
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Right - I'm back for chapter two!

01st March 2019, Lyceum International School, Sri Lanka, Earth - 36

Ah! Much better now that's in bold :) perhaps in the original document you could put it in a typewriter font, so it looks like it's in a film ;)

(he was still on probation)

Hah, what?

He was 4 minutes early

Write the word, not the number :P

The head prefect, having just gotten ready to draw a red line to indicate that anyone who signed past the line was late , paused to look at Maran.

Head Prefect, or Head Boy? Either way, I think you should capitalise.

The naturally born wizard of the five,

Hmmm, not quite sure what you mean here, but I'll keep reading and maybe it will become clearer.

He had a chubby face with at least 3 chins.

Three chins, not 3!

He made his way up the staircase, insulting the stairs several times.

What do you mean, insulting the stairs?

He proceeded to tear up the stairs 3 at a time.

Three at a time.

"Hi! Is this the time you're coming to school?"

Weird sentence for me. Is she shocked he's there early? It's hard to work out what's going on here.

Oh! Potassium Permanganate," remembered Rakdu, who had the reaction burned into his memory from an experiment they had done at the lab the previous week.

Oh wow, this brings back memories of my A levels!

Hmmm, ok... overall impression is that this was quite hard to follow. I wonder if that's why you weren't getting any reviews on the other site - people don't tend to pursue things as much if the beginning is this confusing.

I think perhaps it's because you've labelled this as Harry Potter fanfiction and I feel at the moment like this is a very separate story... so my brain is constantly trying to link back to the Harry Potter world and coming up pretty much empty. This might be something that fixes itself in later chapters as the link becomes clearer but at the moment it's quite a difficult read!

I'll definitely keep reading though, as I want to see how you link the prologue to this!

Icy




KateHardy says...


Right - I'm back for chapter two!

Ah! Much better now that's in bold :) perhaps in the original document you could put it in a typewriter font, so it looks like it's in a film ;)


I'll try to remember that.

Hah, what?


Uhh...I guess that's something unique to Sri Lanka.

Write the word, not the number :P


*facepalm*

Head Prefect, or Head Boy? Either way, I think you should capitalise.


Country. They're in Sri Lanka at the moment but yes I should go capitalize that.

Hmmm, not quite sure what you mean here, but I'll keep reading and maybe it will become clearer.


It was mentioned in the prologue but it only got one line so maybe you missed it.

Three chins, not 3!


*dies of shame*

What do you mean, insulting the stairs?


He's just frustrated at having to walk up the stairs so he's calling the stairs names.

Three at a time.


*already dead of embarassment*

Weird sentence for me. Is she shocked he's there early? It's hard to work out what's going on here.


Basically he arrives after the bell to go inside the classes has rung which means he is late. That's why the bell was described.

Oh wow, this brings back memories of my A levels!


:D

I think perhaps it's because you've labelled this as Harry Potter fanfiction and I feel at the moment like this is a very separate story... so my brain is constantly trying to link back to the Harry Potter world and coming up pretty much empty. This might be something that fixes itself in later chapters as the link becomes clearer but at the moment it's quite a difficult read!


I'm introducing these OC's in there so I just sort of gave a snapshot of them here like a day in their life almost is basically what chapter 2 is. Chapter 3 shows the effects at Hogwarts and this ties together in Chapter 4 so umm....yaa...maybe I should have switched chapters 2 and 3 or deleted this one. Tell me what you think once we get to Chapter 4 ish.

I'll definitely keep reading though, as I want to see how you link the prologue to this!


Glad to hear that.

I think maybe this first one is just introducing these OC's and how they connect to each other. Most of the characters that we specifically follow will be important and I guess I wanted this one chapter to help establish them earlier but you mention the whole Harry Potter thing. Yaa...this one has two more parts like this that'll I'll release soon and then hopefully Chapter 3 does the job because that one will end on a note that leaves no question as to what's going to happen. I think

Thanks again for reading this even if it was hard to follow. I really hope it evens out then I can figure out which parts I need to be getting rid of.



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Tue Aug 11, 2020 4:01 am
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MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



This was interesting, a bit hard to follow, but I liked the format. The first time I read it I didn't even realize it wasn't a magic school, but maybe that's just me!

the prefect to be (he was still on probation) walked inside the school looking to all the world like a properly civilized young man.

Lots of words in this sentence with no commas or conjunction, so it feels a bit clunky.

He made his way up the staircase, insulting the stairs several times.

This is a funny image, but for a second when I first read it I couldn't tell what you meant, maybe that's just me. But if you could explain what is going on more that would be great!

an exceptionally large wheeled bag the size of an average hand luggage,

This wording confused me and I'm pretty sure it's not grammatically correct
He flashed a quick smile at her and said," Hi!"

You don't need a space with that first quotation mark. You do this a couple of times, but I bet you can find them all!

Latin curse under his breath.

Latin?
Rakdu continued waking to his seat humming
[/quote]
I think you mean walking

Also after that, the students don't seem to move but they get new teachers. Maybe that's just not a thing in America, but it's strange to me. Normally the students move to there next teacher when the bell rings, not the other way around. Or maybe I just got the whole thing confused! Either way, I might add on some more explanation with the movements of the teachers.
But that's all just my two cents! I hope it helped!
Excited to get to know these characters better!
Thanks, and keep writing,
-Andrew




KateHardy says...


Thanks for the review Andrew!!

This was interesting, a bit hard to follow, but I liked the format. The first time I read it I didn't even realize it wasn't a magic school, but maybe that's just me!


Not just you actually. My friend who like checks it before I post said the same thing. Hopefully the Potassium Permanganate convinces them otherwise.

Lots of words in this sentence with no commas or conjunction, so it feels a bit clunky.


Going to fix that immediately.

This is a funny image, but for a second when I first read it I couldn't tell what you meant, maybe that's just me. But if you could explain what is going on more that would be great!


I'll try.

This wording confused me and I'm pretty sure it's not grammatically correct


I think that one ended up with too many adjectives for its own good. Will look into it.

You don't need a space with that first quotation mark. You do this a couple of times, but I bet you can find them all!


*facepalm*

Latin?


Yup. He will be using several languages to curse people including but not limited to Sinhala, Greek, Latin and occasionally Russian. (Because this is what I do in real life)

I think you mean walking


Yup I did mean walking.

Also after that, the students don't seem to move but they get new teachers. Maybe that's just not a thing in America, but it's strange to me. Normally the students move to there next teacher when the bell rings, not the other way around. Or maybe I just got the whole thing confused! Either way, I might add on some more explanation with the movements of the teachers.


Ahh this is set in Sri Lanka for this portion and that's how it happens over there so that's why. It's probably confusing that way.

But that's all just my two cents! I hope it helped!


It definitely helped.

Excited to get to know these characters better!


Glad to hear that.

Thanks again!!



MaybeAndrew says...


Wow, I%u2019ve never gotten my review reviewed before. Glad I helped!



KateHardy says...


Lol...a new format for replying that I'm trying out. It does look a bit like a review I have to admit. :D




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