Young Writers Society

Hello there!

First up, I am incredibly sorry for the delay. It was difficult to reanalyse your poem when I've already interpreted it. Also, thank you for approaching me through Katteelog!

Although imagery that lies in poetry is my cup of tea, there's been too much of it that, at first glance, everything was too abstract. I don't want to sound rude but the only thing that's keeping my kite from flying too high was your title. Let's start with your first stanza, I reckon that "translucent bridges" are the lines in Enjambment poems themselves. Poetry is an indirect way of expressing one's thoughts, thus "translucent."

Now, I've assumed that this "mirror surface of quiet waters" is the material from which these poems were written. And the word "swaying" alludes to the wind or motion, which is a huge contrast to the "quiet waters." So if I'm not wrong, lines formatted in Enjambments bring life and movement to the paper or e-paper.

I'm sorry but the imagery started going downhill and less believable after that. I've researched what kind of material spider's silk is and it's "light and flexible, and is stronger by weight than high-grade steel." So traveling across (traverse) them would be really hard, the same way we try to discern what is hidden beyond the lines in a poem. However, what comes after, "to weave nests of needles and popsicle sticks" was hard to understand. I decided to simplify the whole stanza so that I could understand what it denotes before going into what it connotes.

Here's what I came up:

They travel across threads of spider silk so that they could weave nests of popsicle sticks and needles.

And it doesn't make any sense? Literally and metaphorically? Yes, when you travel across these threads, some of them would be attached to you, but how would it create a nest of popsicle sticks and needles, specifically popsicle sticks? Do you mean that these threads of spider's silk, which were collected along the way, have created a nest that can be likened to products where using needles is involved (sorry I can't understand how popsicles sticks can be related to threads)?

I know that popsicle sticks and needles are a symbol of craft, embroidery, and creativity. Even so, they're inappropriate for the poem's setting. You've started off from crossing a bridge above a pool (river? lake? pond?) of water. Then, in that bridge you came across spider's silk. They all evoke a forest vibe, -- a place away from civilization -- when you suddenly introduced "popsicle sticks and needles." It's just too far off. I suggest maybe



When I used the word "needles" here, it became more appropriate with the setting because it instantly describes the spider's legs. It also has another meaning, which is (from what I said before) embroidery. This would then connote that the spider is the writer. She has meticulously embroidered certain lines and that these preys (or the insects trapped in that web) are readers out there who gave up analyzing the poem because of the difficulty (spider's silk). This is just an example/suggestion of course. It might not go with your style so do as you wish with it.

Moving on to my interpretation of your third stanza:

When you meant gravity, it was the pull of reading an Enjambment. They're cut-off abruptly --creating cliff hangers -- so curiosity compelled readers to continue reading. And you describe those "cliff hangers" as "cliffs." Now, if you don't finish reading it, you'll feel left out or a reader without closure -- you will sink by "crashing against crystal boulders," which is another way of saying icebergs. Curious inquiry: is this a titanic reference?

I'll start with a minor nitpick with the word "sting." The punishment was already the crystal boulders that may prohibit a reader to see the light (closure) so this light must be a good thing. But you described it as a "stinging" feeling which (i'm so sorry) doesn't make sense. It's like, one way or another you'll get some sort of punishment.

Next, I came up with the interpretation above by ignoring the words "or if they won’t roll
beyond these" and the overall setting. When we take these words into consideration, it's like you're saying that at the other end of the bridge is an iceberg chasing or rolling after you and at the other edge is a cliff you have to go beyond on.

And when I start settling in the overall world-building, it grows more confusing. Going back, I did say that your poem was too abstract, and this became more prominent in your last stanza. It's plausible if the bridge is a crossway between two cliff edges, but where did the iceberg come from? Aren't those in the arctic? In the middle of the ocean? Why would it exist near the forest? Not to mention that forests are usually present in the tropics or certainly where the climate isn't cold tundra or polar.

You've chosen a completely indirect approach to describe Enjambment, which is great, but you need to level your poem. You have to make the setting realistic. You need to focus on adding clarity in your poem because you left out too much that it left me hanging. It took me a long time to process because, first there's water, then you jump right into spider's silk, cliffs and icebergs, until you finish off with light in an extremely short poem. The settings of each stanzas were conflicting with each other and the idea was getting far too distant for me to reach out to. They were like stanzas from different poems (with a similar theme) since you left too many blank spaces.

My last suggestion would be to perhaps add bits and bobs of water imagery in the second and third stanza so that the poem -- instead of going linear -- turns around and comes together.

That's all I can say. If I was unclear with my critique, feel free to ring me in my inbox Again, I'm sorry if I was harsh and please point it out if it's too much. You have a lot of potential, hope you keep writing!

SENDING LOVE, Kattee