Young Writers Society

Hello. This is my review.

Is there really a minister of sports in Australia? I don’t think there is here in the just okay U. S. Of A., if there is, I don’t know about him/her (which, considering most of the leadership here in America seems to make the news because they are complete nincompoops, I think I should be thankful that I don’t know). Starting with the good, this was a very funny satire with some excellent caricaturing reminiscent of political cartoons, I especially liked the how you portrayed the sports minister as a commentator, I also liked this little bit: “David groves, minister of agriculture, let out a small sob “not the agapanthus’s”” (sidenote: did you intentionally make his last name agriculture related?). There was another fine bit where you satirized how independents were treated: “the independents remained on the outskirts, walking [past] the hubbub as if it wasn’t there. It felt good to turn the tables for once.” I feel this could be made a little more clear and a little shorter though.

I will use that to transition into my negatives: for the sake of being a jerk I want to mention that you misspelled mic as mike, so I mentioned it just now. Most of my criticisms center around your description. First was a rather mini but slightly annoying one: “…dry clean only shirt” this isn’t really needed, and if you really wanted to keep this, you could probably just let us know through dialogue or thought. Another one in a similar vein is “the gaggle continues to goggle and squawk” my issue with this description is that it doesn’t tell us enough, this can easily be fixed though, just add in “the reporters” into the description. Another odd description is “ The commotion was drawing a larger number of spectators in the form of members of parliament”, this is very wordy I think it could use some reworking.

This was a good story and I hope to see more from you in the future.

Hai!
I really like your story. Your imagination drives me into the new world.
It holds lots of emotions. Your story Visualize everything in front of me. I really appreciate your imagination level. I Really enjoy your short story.

It is very comical. No errors and no issues in your Story. Your short story Flashed like camera clicks. And splashed naturality here and there.

Vivid imagination......
I like very much about your presentation of the short story......
No Mistakes............
In short, awesome...

Hello!

First off, a little typo here. "Camera's flashed..." If you mean more than one camera, it's written cameras.

"David Groves, minister for agriculture, let out a small sob. “Not the agapanthus’s.”"
I really like this line! Very funny.

I'm sorry this is such a short review, but I don't really have anything to say. Aside from a couple typos I don't see a problem with your writing, and the humour is definitely there in spades!
-Gnomish

Hi H.G. I am here for a short review. But first I want to say this works is beautiful. And I learned something new about Australians.
Review:
“Oi! Mr Prime minister, why don’t you tell them how local health utilities are receiving a cut to help with this new renovation!”
'Mr Prime minister' is to be 'Mr. Prime minister' or 'Mister Prime minister'.
If you are using Mr you must put period after it.
And I just want to tell you some of the sentences are quite long. So I think you could shorten it up by divining in to sentences or finding a way to describe it in a shorter way.
Expect for that I think there no mistakes. Saying is easy but writing speeches are not.

No offence.
Thank you.


Keep on writing!
>Chris