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A Truly Divine Mistake

by HGsomeone


A/N - I sometimes don't even know why I write. The weirdness sometimes is too overwhelming, even for me.

anyway... Have fun!

.........................................................

Piphael descended into the dark and gloomy basement in a huff.

So, what if he had been sleeping on the job? Its not as if they weren’t doing the exact same thing. No one had been paying that close attention to Earth since the 19th century when all the humans had stop paying as much attention to them. An eye for an eye as the old book said.

But that hadn’t stop them from throwing him down here to make up for all the years he’d missed. Sloth being a sin and all that. They had told him that he would have to earn his way back to his cotton-soft bed of clouds; and earn he would. Piphael vowed to perform a miracle as soon as he could so that he could get the heaven off this lump of rocks and back to practicing “9 to 5” on his harp.

Brushing dust that had been disturbed as he landed from his celestial robes, Piphael glanced around. It was very dark, but not because there weren’t any lights. There were lots of lights, though mainly only glowing computer screens. There were several scarlet panes in the ceiling, however, that cast his surroundings in a deep burgundy. The darkness came more from the overall loom and gloom atmosphere of the place and Piphael’s unnatural brightness set this whole aesthetic off kilter.

Ducking his wings behind his back, he turned down his own heavenly glow and decided to go for a bit of a wander. The hallway was incredibly long, and no door was to be seen, which seemed rather odd for a hallway. There was a series of loud bangs and clashes coming from one direction so Piphael decided to go that way. As he walked, the sounds became louder and he discovered a lone, wide doorway from which the noises, along with several chairs and tables, were being thrown into the hall. Beyond it, the sound of two very angry voices partaking in a shouting match that could put a howler monkey to shame, caught Piphael’s attention.

“You’ll never succeed, Professor. That machine of yours will never see the light of day.”

“You are mistaken, Agent Gunn. You have mistaken my brilliant machine with yourself.”

Clash. A small series of bangs and then another clash.

“You’re a maniac and deserve to be behind bars!”

“I’m afraid it will be you who will be squandering in their misery this time around when I have defeated you.”

Poking his head around the door frame, Piphael wasn’t surprised to see one heaven of a fight going on. A grey-goateed man, wrapped in a ridiculous coat, was clutching a tiny pistol at a second wiry, and yet at the same time muscled, younger fellow who held his own gun. They were both firing at each other and tossing the occasional piece of furniture with the most amount of passion any two individuals had to kill one another Piphael had ever seen. He walked into the large room where they fought, took a seat on a chair that had miraculously avoided any abuse, and watched in fascination. Piphael wasn’t concerned about being seen, ethereal beings rarely do. He had simply moved his body into a plane of reality that wasn’t visible to the human eye, though it was for dogs. This often led to many embarrassing incidents for the yapping mongrels and a headache for him.

The battle took place in a gargantuan lab that would have made Albert Einstein raise two furry eyebrows. There were screens everywhere and a of an assortment of sizes. Most of them showed maps of the Earth while others displayed images of the younger man who was currently leaping gracefully from one of the sets of stairs that encircled the laboratory to another. One large contraption, that Piphael assumed must be the mysterious ‘machine’, was located in the center of the room. It was pointed like a needle and sat vertically so that its tip almost scraped the domed roof.

There was thud. The older man had fallen from one of the stairs cases and was lying on the ground, dejectedly. The younger man jumped down beside him and pointed his gun at his chest. “The games over, Professor Perill. You’re going to the highest security prison in the country.”

Piphael frowned, this all seemed terribly unfair. The professor only wanted to use the machine he had made; and if his memory served him well, he couldn’t remember Tesla or Leonardo da Vinci ever getting beaten around by a handsome, young fellow with a gun.

He got up and walked over to the massive machine. It wouldn’t be that hard to turn it on, all he had to do was connect two wires and flip a switch. It was a win win for everyone. The old man finally got to see his creation in action and Piphael would have performed his miracle and be long gone. The younger guy didn’t count, and he had already won his fight, so he would just have to deal with it and try not to be a sore loser.

All it took was one illuminated hand on it’s dark metal surface.

The machine hummed to life as the ceiling began to roll back with a loud crank, revealing the glinting night sky. Piphael stood back from his fiddling and nodded with approval. From the ground, the older man had raised his head in disbelief and began to laugh at the shock that crossed his opponents face.

“That’s impossible,” The younger man shouted. “I cut the wires myself.”

Piphael shared in the professor’s glee and flapped onto the edge of the roof to clearly see what exactly the machine was going to do.

With an electrifying buzz, a beam of light charged through the air and into the sky. At its peak altitude it split into ten separate, but equally vibrant, smaller beams and shot off into the surrounding horizons.

It was a cool light show but nothing worth fighting about, thought Piphael to himself. Two years later, he realised that maybe it was.

The world easily fell into his palm after the destruction of those ten, major metropolis’s and the murder of the planet’s top agent, Gavin Gunn. Atop his throne, Emperor Supreme, Professor Perill ruled over the seven continents with malice and contempt. A trail of destruction in his wake. Piphael watched all this with worry.

“Oh bother,” he muttered to himself, and prayed that nobody Up There had noticed his mistake.


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Sun Feb 02, 2020 4:09 am
Gnomish wrote a review...



Hello again!

I've read a couple of your stories so far and I really like the humour in them, and I guess I should actually write a review! So here it is!

I like the idea of angels, and the general plot of the story a lot! I'm just a bit confused about why Piphael didn't notice that Professor Perill was an evil scientist, but then again, he doesn't seem like the brightest angel in the sky.

I like how he treats this whole incident as more of an embarrassing mistake like forgetting to turn off the oven when you leave the house than a complete disaster. I guess when you're an immortal angel things seem like less of a big deal. (Are angels immortal? Really old anyways.)

Sorry I don't have a better review for you, but it's a great story!
-Gnomish




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Thu Jan 23, 2020 3:48 pm
MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...



Hi HG!

First impression: I love the concept. I like how you maintain a divine being's point of view. Millions of people probably died and who knows what else Professor Perill did to the others. But seeing it through Piphael's POV, it doesn't feel like that big of a deal. We focus on the humor instead. It's not dark, it's just well executed irony — it led to some tension too.

An eye for an eye as the old book said.


I love this line. It's an interesting interpretation in the context of the story. It also paints the gods and angels of this universe as more complex beings — they have the capacity to feel vengeance and it's ironic (and funny) that they'd bring up the old book to justify that.

Its not as if they weren’t doing the exact same thing.


You missed an apostrophe.

The they here is a little too vague. I can guess you're talking about the other gods/angels. You go on to talk about how the humans also did "the exact same thing." So when in the next paragraph you write "But that hadn’t stopped them from ... the years he’d missed," the reader is forced to stop for a second and think. Some clarification would help this part flow better, I'd say.

It's nevertheless a good line. We've seen this theme before and it's always interesting how divine characters are often depicted to be hypocritical. It'd be a fair interpretation to say they represent real life officials to some extent.

But that hadn’t stop them from throwing..


"Stopped."

Brushing dust that been disturbed as he landed from his celestial robes, Piphael glanced around.


I think you meant to type "that had been disturbed." But it's still hard to visualize what's happening here (that may still just be me).

Another point. You began the story with "Piphael descended into the dark.." I wondered what he was descending from. But you later write that hadn’t stopped them from throwing him down here. Here is the keyword. Where is here? You were of course referring to the.. let's say, the chamber or labyrinth where Piphael had been banished. Here implies Piphael (the character whose POV we are following) is still in that place of banishment. That's paradoxical if Piphael has already descended from that place (as the first line implies). But I could have read that wrong — it's possible that the basement is a part of the chamber of banishment.

(If Piphael had indeed descended from the place of banishment by the start of the story) one suggestion for an easy fix may be to substitute the "here" (in "throwing him down here") with "there." If Piphael hadn't, then you could consider cutting the first sentence and pasting it — you could add some exposition to it for the sake of coherence — just before the paragraph where you describe the gloomy basement.

There were lots of lights; though mainly only glowing computer screens.


The semi-colon may be unnecessary.

The hallway was incredibly long, and no door was to be seen...
—the sounds became louder and he discovered a lone, wide doorway...


It's also paradoxical but I wonder if it was intentional. We are after all seeing it through Piphael's POV. In my opinion, this little bit establishes Piphael as a rather ignorant and sloppy god/angel, which makes sense as we read on.

“You are mistaken, agent Gunn."


Agent is a title that is followed by a name and so should be capitalized.

Clash. A small series of bangs and then another clash.


I wonder why you chose to italicize this part.

They were both firing at each other and tossing the occasional piece of furniture with the most amount of passion any two individuals had to kill one another Piphael had ever seen.


The sentence doesn't sound right to me. I think the sentence is missing a preposition and most likely before the phrase "any two individuals who had to kill one another."

I have a suggestion. They were both firing at each other and tossing the occasional piece of furniture with the most amount of passion that Piphael had ever seen in any two individuals had to kill one another.

There were screens everywhere and a of an assortment of sizes.


Something's missing here.

The games over, Professor Perill.


Missing an apostrophe. Cool name for a villain, by the way. I like this line too. Very special-agent-esque. Although I probably would've liked the dialogue to have started in a new paragraph.

From the ground, the older man had raised his head in disbelief and began to laugh at the shock that crossed his opponents face.


Disbelief, indeed. Made me feel the same thing. What are you doing, Piphael!

Two years later, he realised that maybe it was.


Did he go on hiatus (again) for two years? Come on, Piphael!

“Oh bother,” he muttered to himself, and prayed that nobody Up There had noticed his mistake.


Oh bother cracked me up. I would have objected that there's no way the gods hadn't noticed Piphael's major blooper or that two years of global chaos would've been enough to make the gods wonder that somebody did something. But good job on having established early on that the ones Up There are exactly like Piphael if not worse. At the same time, I wonder how praying works in this system. Doesn't praying (could also meaning "hoping") that nobody Up There notices his mistake only notify them that he made a mistake? Honestly, they'd probably just swipe past the notification. I don't know if that's an intended subtext but that'd be hilarious.

That's the review! Keep on writing and best of luck for review day (hope you have joined a team!).

Excelsior!

~MAS




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Thu Jan 23, 2020 1:02 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hii @H.G ! I just read your story and I must say I enjoyed every bit of it .I may not be the best in reviewing but I will tell you how I felt .

It was really interesting and engaging. The title 'A Truly Divine Mistake' - I loved it and it was later truly justified.
I liked how you began by explaining why Piphael (the angel) descended from the heaven and argued that it was not just his 'mistake' for showing negligence to his duties .
The ambiance of the place where he entered was described nicely .The fight scene was well-written and I loved how Piphael's character was shown so gullible that he could not judge the actual thing happening in front of him. He was so easily persuaded that the poor old professor was the victim here . The best funny part came at the end when you revealed the outcome of the angel's little mistake . You did not went on to directly explain the details, that's good because it will let the reader realise it on their own and then have a good laugh at this funny incident that meant to bring some good on earth , but actually resulted into global annihilation.

I loved the entire plot and didn't find anything to criticize. it kept me entertained. You have really got a lot a potential . Hope to get more like this from you! All the best. ;)





I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon