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Reminisces of Jack Frost the Third (Chapter 3)

by Gravitem


Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

The throne room was filled with an over-enthusiastic crowd - the type he hated. Jack was being coronated, apparently. He was now going to be bound to a stupid chair for the rest of his life because his stupid parents couldn't stay alive. Two years ago, he had death in his pockets. It was free now. He had too much to lose now. And he didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't want to have to blame himself for anything anywhere.

Not giving a shit about himself was easy. Not giving a shit about people wasn't. He couldn't stop caring about Candace, or Emma, or Jake. He loved Emma more than he loved anyone. Even more than Candace now. Though he'd never admit it.

Jake was his only friend. He was Emma's brother. In fact, the one who got Emma and Jack together. He'd been better at life since then. The thought made him crack up inside his head. "Better at life."

It took him a moment to come back to reality. He was grinning like an idiot in front of the entire crowd. His face turned serious. "Get these people out!" He commanded, expecting whoever was taking orders to carry them out. The crowd looked like they'd seen something horrible. "Oh, stop being so extra, get the hell out already!" He repeated, loud enough for the entire audience. "Bunch of kiss-asses," he muttered under his breath, though it echoed through the hall till it reached the last few "extravaganzas" in the crowd.

He got up and left. He was followed by a man with six arachnoid feet.

"What do you think you're doing?" The arachnoid man asked with a raised eyebrow and a stern look.

"What I want," said Jack, without turning around even a bit.

"That's not an option." Said the arachnoid man.

"Look Mac. I know that you've been looking out for me since dad died, but I can't become the King. I'm not meant for that.

"You cannot defy a prophecy. You're not your predecessor." Said Mac, his brows dropping, instantly turning his face into one of concern.

"I make my own destiny Mac. Dad should've too. He wouldn't be dead if he had." With this, Jack hoped to have ended the issue but it was not so.

Mac followed him to the Frost tower. Jack didn't care. He didn't wish to discuss the matter any further. His sister was waiting for him in his room.

"What is it?" He asked her.

"You have to do it." She replied. Her eyes were red. It appeared as if she was crying. She continued. "If you don't do it, they're going to vote to banish you..."

Jack snapped, "I don't give a shit. I'm better off not being here in this city that harbours plastic rather than people."

"They'll make me queen." She said with no expression.

"Good then." He replied, his voice calming down a little.

"The general will gain military control." She said, and there was silence.

At least ten minutes must've passed before Jack spoke again.

"I'm leaving." He said, a suitcase appearing in his hand, and a dark cloak forming around him. It covered his clothes and his sword which was sheathed at his waist. He turned around to leave. He was followed by Mac and Candace till the tower top exit.

The door opened to a ship, hovering at the end of the narrow platform - its door hanging outwards, forming a staircase into the ship.

"Goodbye, Candace," he said and looked at the arachnoid being, whose face seemed a mix of sadness and anger. His brows tilted downwards and his lips shut tight as if to display seriousness. Mac never liked looking unprofessional, even though he looked like he was finding it difficult at this moment.

"Take care of her, Mac," he said and climbed into the ship. The door shut behind him and the ship took off immediately and headed west, towards the setting suns.

                                                                       \\\///

The small ship reverberated with the sound of loud rock music. Jack was far from the capital. The border was about five thousand kilometers from Autopia. The ship was on autopilot. Jack was just pretending to play the guitar and screaming maniacally, singing almost exactly like Cobain. Who'd think of exploiting cell regenerative powers in a way like that? That was Jack; how he had been, all his life, and probably how he's going to be till the very end - a maniacal demeanor and a reckless genius in the head.

The earth below was carpeted by trees and lakes. He didn't care. He never did. Nature was solitude for all he cared, and nothing else, no stupid "connection" bullshit ever came to his head. The music stopped. He fell down on the floor. It was time for a "little" flashback.

He closed his eyes and his head went dark for the fraction of a second. There was nothing new about that. It was just that it lit up almost immediately.

There was a huge room, the training room. His dad was in front of him. They were duelling. Their swords meeting with sparks constantly blasting off from the clashes. Jack's thirteen year old body was covered in sweat. Rolling down from face and flooding the floor. His dad seemed as exuberant as ever.

Jack balanced his body on the sword and fell to his knees. "I think that's all I can do, dad." He said.

"A king doesn't ever give up." His dad replied with a smile.

There was a sound of shattering glass. He saw his father's smile grow weaker. After almost an entire second, blood flowed down his ears and began to dissolve in the sweat on the floor. Jack looked at the shattered window. A figure in black - wearing a white half-mask - on a rooftop nearby. He gave Jack an evil grin and disappeared.

Jack rushed to his dad, who was on the floor now. It was covered in dark, and red, blood.

His eyes were closed. Jack checked his pulse. It was fading and eventually stopped. He wished that he had the power to heal him, more than anything. Jack's eyes glowed a dark shade of green. His body was covered by a green glow. The entire building was beginning to fall apart. Pieces of debris levitated. A huge beam of green went up into the sky.

The two-story building fell apart.

Jack opened his eyes to a text alert on his ship's control screen. It was Emma. It wasn't anything he hadn't predicted. He opened his phone up and looked through the texts.

18:05: Where the fuck are you?

18:06: Why do you do this? I'm coming. There's a tracker on your ship, Jack

18:06: I'm not that easy to lose :(

18:06: Jake's coming along too. He seems worried

18:06: Hit me back

Jack didn't bother texting back. He didn't want to say anything to make her worry, but at the same time, he wanted to talk to her. It couldn't be helped. He snapped his finger, and a circular hole appeared on the floor. He jumped right in, and landed on a bed. He curled himself up into a ball, and fell asleep.


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Sat Jul 04, 2020 2:17 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And we are at the last chapter you've posted.

First Impression: Well that escalated quickly. Again it felt a bit rushed right there. about three different scenarios played out in that one segment which is a bit too fast for a chapter that's so short.

Anyway let's get to it,

Not giving a shit about himself was easy. Not giving a shit about people wasn't. He couldn't stop caring about Candace, or Emma, or Jake. He loved Emma more than he loved anyone. Even more than Candace now. Though he'd never admit it.


Well it sounded like he didn't care very much towards the end of the chapter. He just gets up and leaves Candace.

He got up and left. He was followed by a man with six arachnoid feet.


Well that's an interesting character design.

"What do you think you're doing?" The arachnoid man asked with a raised eyebrow and a stern look.

"That's not an option." Said the arachnoid man.


First of all that's repeated there. You have to change it up a bit. Second you don't need to continue to mention arachnoid here every time. After that initial description switch to some other feature of his or just remove the descriptor completely.

Jack snapped, "I don't give a shit. I'm better off not being here in this city that harbours plastic rather than people."

"They'll make me queen." She said with no expression.

"Good then." He replied, his voice calming down a little.

"The general will gain military control." She said, and there was silence.


So here we get no indication that he cares about what happens to his sister. He's just like "Bye Losers" and runs off.

It was time for a "little" flashback.


This line sounds just a little too much like the author just wants to announce that. I don't think you need that line. It's pretty clear that this is a flashback without saying this.

There was a sound of shattering glass. He saw his father's smile grow weaker. After almost an entire second, blood flowed down his ears and began to dissolve in the sweat on the floor. Jack looked at the shattered window. A figure in black - wearing a white half-mask - on a rooftop nearby. He gave Jack an evil grin and disappeared.


And you can just pop into the king's chambers like that? Really bad security.

18:05: Where the fuck are you?


If she has a tracker she should probably know this but I'm just being nitpicky.

And that's it for this story.

Overall: Well so far the plot appears just a little rushed. Breaking these chapters up a bit and adding a bit more description would help this out a lot. You also rapidly introduced a bunch of characters and each one doesn't get much more than one line of introduction. They need some development. It's still early enough in the story that you don't need a ton of development but a little bit more would be nice.

Any that's all I have to say on this story. As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Thu Jun 11, 2020 7:40 pm
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LadyBug wrote a review...



Hi Gravel, I'm here to leave a quick review, as I'm very burnt out at the moment, mainly just my overall thoughts on this chapter.

The italicization feels forced, almost weird. I know I've mentioned that before but it makes this feel like the note before the chapter and the bold does not compliment it. Maybe normal words and use italic for skips instead of bold? Your choice, of course, just a suggestion.

The texts could be italicized too, so it doesn't feel so spontaneous. The flow feels choppy so that's not amazing. But the plot is rather good and is moving along nicely, you are very creative and I HOPE you post the next chapter soon!

Jade :)




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Mon May 25, 2020 12:12 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi, Grav!

Hmm, starting off, interesting turn of events. The story is engaging and well-written, with no gaping grammatical or spelling mistakes. The plot also seems quite solid.
The one thing I can find against this is the speed of events. While the idea is interesting, as I pointed out, you're hurrying a lot. That seriously cuts down character development. Also, it doesn't feel very realistic. Jack's personality speaks for itself, but I think his decision should have had a little more information behind it and could have been planned better.

"Look Mac. I know that you've been looking out for me since dad died, but I can't become the King. I'm not meant for that.


So here the reader sees the kind of relationship they have. It's one way to do it, but again, I think it would have been nicer if you dropped hints that allowed the reader to piece it all together. I'm a hypocrite when I say this, though. That goes for all the relationships he has, I think.
Also, a description of Mac would have been nice.

He snapped, and a circular hole appeared on the floor. He jumped right in, and landed on a bed.

Snapped what? I can understand what you mean, but that feels a little too vague.

Maybe you could talk about each character a little more? Also, a lengthier account of his father's death would have been nice.

If he's royalty, why is leaving so easy? Maybe that can be toned down a little, there must be nobles and others, excluding Mac, who oppose his decision and try to make him stay.

But don't be disheartened! The story has a lot of promise and you've done a good job. Looking forward to reading more work from you.

-Lee




Gravitem says...


Woof that's a lot. Man, you really need to help me out sometime. I NEED MORE CRITICISM LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A more detailed one!!! HELP ME!!!

Spoiler! :
R.I.P brain



LittleLee says...


It's fine, don't worry! I think adding more content to each chapter, more detailed descriptions, and a slower pace will really set you off.
I'll keep reviewing your work!
I'm on a spree today



Gravitem says...


oof that's nice!



LittleLee says...


Also, why do you choose to write in italics?



Gravitem says...


Cause the entire book is supposed to bring like an unfamiliar nostalgia lol. The answer is in the title.



LittleLee says...


Ah, okay.



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Sun May 24, 2020 9:41 pm
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JesseWrites wrote a review...



Another review today. Here ya go.

I'm a little rusty on this story, but I remember a thing or two.

It seems like the writing style changes a bit throughout. Bolded, italicized and back to normal. It's a little confusing visually, but it works into your writing style, which is quite good.

He brows tilted downwards and his lips shut tight as if to display seriousness.
Corrected to His brows

I love the mention of Cobain. It gives a human feeling to a unreal story.

18:06: I'm not that easy to lose :)


YWS and their animated smileys. I doubt that was what you wanted.

Take care,
Haley x




Gravitem says...


Hehe. Thanks for the review Haley! Yeah and about the animated smiley.......... Foo.



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Sun May 24, 2020 7:13 pm
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thepages says...



Am a little perplexed here, thnk i better read the firs chapters!




Gravitem says...


woof!



thepages says...


What's that supposed to me, (i've let a chuckle escape ma lips)



Gravitem says...


(basically "OOF!" but dog-themed lol)




Always do what you are afraid to do.
— E. Lockhart, We Were Liars