Young Writers Society

Context: Yesterday, I was having a really stressful day, and I went to bed at a late hour. This is probably going to sound very silly, but… I vented to the moon. I turned towards my window and just spilled everything that was on my mind.

I don’t really know why I did it, and it seemed really dumb at the time but… it helped. It really did. The Moon is a great listener.

The experience was moving for me, so I wanted to write about it in a more metaphorical and fantastical way.

(Btw, the inconsistent rhyming was intentional)

I rarely write poetry or read poetry. However, I saw your title and I had to read your poem.

WHAT WAS GOOD
1. Your title caught my attention. "Oh, Moon" introduces the almost magic of the Moon. So, perfect title.

2. I loved the first stanza. The way you used figurative language to introduce the poem pulled me in. Great introduction to your poem. It ties back to the title with its alluding to the magic of the Moon.

3. I actually liked that the sixth stanza is slightly longer than the others. It gives the feelings of going far back (ancestors, grandparents, and parents) with the three lines all of those in the past, before you. The fourth line and the extra one line demonstrate that the Moon will be here long after you and we are gone.

4. Your seventh stanza is wonderful. I like that you use words for the Moon of different languages. It seems to add a sort of worshipful feel to the poem. We worship the Moon with all of her names, that stanza seems to be saying.

5. The fourth stanza is something I liked as well. The missing lines mirror the lack of words from the Moon.

6. The personification of the Moon made me, as someone who believes in the Moon as a being, very joyful to read.

WHAT COULD BE BETTER
There is one suggestion I'd like to make:

The fifth paragraph's change to not rhyming after the other paragraphs have a sense of rhyme and rhythm is too abrupt. A way to change it might be to, rather than use totally not rhyming words, use not quite rhyming words to transition to not rhyming so that readers don't totally lose the feeling of the poem.

OVERALL
Overall, "Oh, Moon" is a beautiful, magical poem. I hope you write more poems!

- Echo

Hi there! Just wanna write a review since I liked your work earlier but wanted to come back to it.

I want to open by saying you grabbed my attention from the first line. Using imagery as an opening statement is a sure way to grasp a reader's attention, and you did it really well! From first read it can seem like a very simple reading. The rhyme is easy to follow, it's easy to read aloud, and the message is all about the beauty of the moon and the comfort it brings. However, as the poem goes on, the moon becomes a character, something personified through the pronoun "She" (capitalized at that!) and the statements of "she listened," "she will be here," and "said nothing." I can tell that this poem was from an act of lamenting and finding a sense of comfort in something so steadfast as the presence of the moon. I really loved this poem. I especially love at the end how the narrator calls out to Her through Her name in different languages. It shows an utter need for Her rather than just a want. Now that the narrator has experienced this peace and almost companionship, they never want to lose it. Using nature as a way to express that is special because many people take the beauty of nature for granted.

Now for some critiques that I want to share!
The first 3 stanzas were 4 lines but that consistency doesn't last throughout the poem. While I think having just 2 lines for the

She said nothing to me,
but Her silence spoke a thousand words.

Your descriptions are so amazing and original!
"like a solemn pool of liquid silver|adorning the inky skies,|glittering more than a million gems,|it is She who heard my cries." has such great use of personification and descriptive words.

Your choice to capitalize the Moon and her pronouns makes her seem more human and less intimidating but still powerful. Your poem makes me want to walk up to the moon and tell her everything that's on my mind.

Great use of the semicolon, something I always use wrong.

I like how there were some rhymes but the whole poem wasn't written in free verse.

Only one note: should it be glittering *like* more than a million gems instead of "glittering more than a million gems"? I feel like that should be a simile to make more sense, but if you wrote it that way on purpose, then I apologize and just ignore this note.

review time o((>ω< ))o

FIRSTLY:

OH MY GOD. THIS IS AMAZING. I CANNOT EXPRESS MORE FEELINGS.

Secondly:

I love the usage of the names of the moon in different languages, and the personification of the moon. It makes her feel so lifelike as if you could walk up to the moon. (Like if theres a bridge from your window)

Finally:

THIS MAKES ME WANT TO DRAW THE MOON AS A HUMAN??? I THINK IM SANE FOR THIS RIGHT??

Sanely,
-Tea ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆