z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

A young spy and a young cop-chapter 5

by FireSpyGirl


Last paragraph of Chapter 4

"Headquarters, here I come." She muttered.

Three gas stations and 70 miles later, Natalia came to a stop in front of an old country mansion"

As always, the old house always took Natalia's breath away. With it's big front porch and ornate wood door. Inside was even better. Upon entering the house, she entered right into the kitchen. To the left was a hallway that was a bunch of bedrooms. Going straight through the kitchen, Natalia went through another door and entered the main room. There was a stairway that led up to the second floor, a door to the right led to an office, and the door straight in front of her was the back door. She heard footsteps and turned around. Charles Miller entered. Charles was short and stocky, his hair was well combed and his brown eyes reminded one of an owl's. Charles owned the house, but he was renting it out to them. He believed they were a book editing agency. For the life of her, Natalia couldn't figure out why Nicholas had chosen that subterfuge and this place to use as headquarters. For one thing, the agency had started to go downhill a little. Before Natalia had joined them, the agency was well known, but no one knew where to find it, or who was in it. They were everywhere though, bringing down drug lords, killing Cobra agents, infiltrating governments and other agencies. For some reason, about two years after she had joined them, Nicholas had felt the need to move around and pose as a various company of some sort or other. It really ground on Natalia, and even though she still trusted Nicholas, it had diminished a little. So had her respect. He wouldn't tell her what the hell he was thinking, or why he felt that this was necessary. 

"Marian. Welcome back. How was your vacation?" Charles asked her pleasantly. Natalia smiled. They were faking everything. Names, real jobs and their real ages. 

"It was really nice. Ireland is amazing!" Natalia said. Charles smiled. "Good. Markus wants to see you. Said a book came along that he wants you to do." 

Natalia headed for the office room and opened the door. Nicholas was sitting behind his desk, looking at papers. 

"Great job on the mission, Nataliane." He greeted her. He and one other agent were the only ones who used Natalia's full name. Natalia didn't smile. 

"You got it then? I don't want to have to go through all that again. He's convinced that I still work for him. Also, he's going up against a very dangerous group. If I'm lucky, someone will kill him for me. Otherwise I'm going to have to back and do it myself." She said, sitting down in a chair.

"Good." Nicholas said. "You and David are going to be working together on this next mission. You are to go undercover as a secretary to a drug lord, who also happens to be a Cobra agent."

Natalia didn't say anything, just nodded. Finally, something good.




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15 Reviews


Points: 460
Reviews: 15

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Fri Nov 16, 2018 8:57 pm
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WriterSister33 wrote a review...



Hey!
This chapter was full of creativity! (Not that the other ones wheren’t:))

It’s a drink woman, a party, maybe a new job...

You are a very great author!
I am not going to correct you on the english (because you CAN more english than I)
So thats why my review are very short:)

I love all the different persoallyties to the different characters and the comments you CAN read, that you have written.

Wish you best of lukk writing;)




User avatar
15 Reviews


Points: 470
Reviews: 15

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Tue Nov 13, 2018 11:35 pm
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bigsisfarmer wrote a review...



Hey again! I'm loving the creativity of this story!

"The evening of June 14th, party night. Natalie, now Madeline Brant, stood in front of the mansion, wearing an evening party dress of dark red with a diamond buckle at the waist, it had a slit in the side and she wore black high heeled boots."

This sentence is extremely long, might want to shorten it slightly.

"Natalie leaned towards David and whispered:"

You can add this into the next paragraph so the reader doesn't naturally separate these.

"meet your darling new secretary!”

How did she know that Natalie was a secretary? (Unless she was a spy pretending which is fine.)

"Natalie looked him over. Tall, well dressed, face that looked like it had been carved out of stone, and a nice tan. She grimaced, fighting the urge to throw up on his shoes. She really didn’t like people who were rich and egomaniacs to boot."

I extremely loved this part. It gave me a clear description of the man!

This was an awesome piece, I can't wait till the next part!!




FireSpyGirl says...


Thank you! I have edited it and I am really glad that you are enjoying the story!




I'm a fledgling potato bird that lives in a nest in the rp forums
— Ley