Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Dramatic

E - Everyone

Hold On

by Euphoria8


“I can’t believe you’re being like this,” he shoots me a glare. “After all this time.”

“I know. I don’t care anymore.” I don’t meet his gaze, my lips pursed.

“What’s wrong with you?!” He spits, eyes locked on me. “Why are you acting like this?”

Don’t say it. I urge myself. He doesn’t need to know. He’ll only hate me more.

“I don’t know,” I mumble instead, my head hanging down, desperately trying to avoid his face. Tiredness claws at my body, my arms limp and my eyes sore as a heaviness in my chest threatens to pull me down further.

“You can’t even look at me anymore,” I glimpse up at him to see him kneading his forehead as he says it, “You aren’t even trying anymore.”

“I just give up,” I swallow down the thickness in my throat, my tongue dry.

"Give up on what?" He scoffs. 

"Everything." I say quietly.

“What..” his voice faints into the air. He sounds confused. “Wait, what do you mean?”

I dare a glance and see his head tilted, staring at me through squinting eyes.

Oh crap. I didn't mean to say that.

“Hey?” Soft fingers clutch at my shoulders. "What do you mean, 'everything'?”

No. No. No. After all this time, I can’t cry. I can’t care. “I didn't mean anything by that. I'm fine.” My voice cracks but I push him away using all the energy I have left, turning my back to him.

“But you aren’t, are you?” Tenderness springs in his voice, prickles erupting all over my shivering skin. “That’s why you’re acting like this.”

“That’s not true!” I shout, trying to put every energy I have left into my tone but it seems more like I’m trying to convince myself.

“Oh but it is.” His voice falters. I feel warm arms wrap around me, like a blanket during a blizzard. “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.”

I let out a long sigh and let myself loose. I slump my shoulders and close my eyes shut as tears crawl down my cheeks like a slow drizzle. “It’s not your fault. It’s all mine. All my fault.” I croak and collapse into his embrace.

He gently turns me around to face him before hugging me tight. “I’m here…I’m here.”

I let every wall come crumbling down, every emotion cascade through, everything I’ve tried to hide comes bleeding into my reality.

All the while I hear him whispering, “Please hold on for me. You’re going to be okay, I swear it. Hold on.”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 38
Reviews: 8

Donate
Sat Oct 17, 2020 9:24 pm
View Likes
Wallflower23 wrote a review...



I relate to this so much. I love the way you have the struggling character trying to hide what they're thinking and feeling. That seems very realistic to me and incredibly relatable. Usually when we struggle we think we have to deal with or handle it all on our own so we try to hide it from our loved ones. We don't want to burden them with our pain.

Everything. I understand that. The thought that its all to much and you just want it to end, just want to shut it all off or out.

I like how he picks up on it immediately. The change there between that hot anger to cooler empathy and even fear is so real. I really enjoyed that change, subtle as it is.

I really. loved the use of the word 'crawl' where you talk about the main character finally crying. It. was just a nice word choice.

There is this subtle feeling of heaviness in the main character that you see in their lack of energy and the use of the word "collapse" when they fall into the embrace. I think it may be nice to emphasize that a bit more, how the emotional struggle can create a physical one.

Thanks for sharing!!




Euphoria8 says...


I'm so happy you were able to relate to this! Everything you said is so true and painful and it's exactly what I wanted to convey. I hope it provided you a little joy and comfort in its own way <3

I also hope you are feeling well and good right now! That thought is something we all have and hate so I really do wish that you are living a lot of happiness right now! <3

I'm glad it didn't seem too quick a change or too unnatural and that it flowed well and that you enjoyed it!

Thank you for pointing that out, that's extremely true that emotional heaviness can easily manifest into and even from physical tiredness! I've done some changes to the piece from your suggestion and I hope you enjoy the changes! :)

Thanks for the review and kind words <3



User avatar
848 Reviews


Points: 56003
Reviews: 848

Donate
Mon Oct 12, 2020 2:22 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi there!
Welcome to YWS :)
I'm just dropping by to give you a quick review.

This is an interesting piece, mostly due to its vague nature where it isn't 100% clear what's going on between these two characters. I don't think you need to clarify it more than you have done to make the piece enjoyable to read, but I do want to comment on a couple of things...

“I just gave up,” I swallow down the thickness in my throat, my tongue dry.

This felt off for me, as a response to the previous line of dialogue. I think 'I just give up' would make more sense.

“What..” his voice faints into the air. He sounds confused. “Wait, what do you mean?”

I dare a glance and see his head tilted, staring at me through squinting eyes.

Oh crap.

“Hey?” Soft fingers clutch at my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

This was a bit of a quick turnaround in terms of emotion. I guess that's because as the reader we aren't aware of what the characters are talking about or what they're going through, but the transition period felt a little too quick here. If you were ever to flesh this out into more of a narrative, I think pauses and more description of how the characters are behaving towards one another would help with the pacing.

That's all from me! It was a well-written piece, if not slightly short ;)
Looking forward to seeing more of your writing in the future!

Icy




Euphoria8 says...


Hey! Thanks for the welcome and the lovely review! <3 yes, the reason I made it very vague is because I wrote it during a very crucial event that happened today to cope with it but didn't want personal details slipping so yeah XD and this is more of a tiny practise, not something I don't think I'll be using for projects but I've applied your suggestions and my I love it even better now! I hope you're happy with the changes and have an awesome day!



IcyFlame says...


I often find it's good to get these things down on paper, it helps the brain to process! Hope all is well <3



Euphoria8 says...


Oh you can't imagine, writing has been a huge stress relief these past few months! I felt kinda lonely so writing two wholesome characters that are just there for each other made me feel better too :) I hope those who read this find as much joy in it as I do! I hope you're doing great too <3



User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 47
Reviews: 8

Donate
Mon Oct 12, 2020 12:16 pm
Denizen wrote a review...



Woah-I love this???

It's oddly abstract, in a nice way. There's a gentle vagueness to it, a soft air of mystery, with a wonderful moment of realisation at the end. A 'wow!' moment, if you will. The aforementioned vagueness allows for personal interpretation, which I find lovely. The languaged used is also wonderful.




User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 47
Reviews: 8

Donate
Mon Oct 12, 2020 12:15 pm
Denizen says...



Woah-I love this???

It's oddly abstract, in a nice way. There's a gentle vagueness to it, a soft air of mystery, with a wonderful moment of realisation at the end. A 'wow!' moment, if you will. The aforementioned vagueness allows for personal interpretation, which I find lovely. The languaged used is also wonderful.




Euphoria8 says...


Thank you so much for reading <3 Well it was heavily inspired by something that happened today (writing is my coping mechanism XD) and I wanted to make it vague but somewhat relatable so as not to let my personal stuff slip through so I'm glad you liked the style of writing! Thank you so much for the encouraging words and have a fantastic day :)




Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein