This infinite emptiness
Yet undeniably real
I ascend beyond
This is excellent poetry. I love how you made it a double haiku. You used excellent structure, and I liked that a lot. I only had two things that you could fix. It felt all over the place and chunky, so maybe try to connect the words and make them flow a bit easier. Another thing is to make sure the words go with each other and don't leave the reader confused. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please do not take this as criticism, these are only suggestions.
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions. Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful. But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.That having been said:Thanks for sharing this poem about the universe and existence and how it is believed to be endless, immeasurable, insignificant and empty. I like the poem's mysterious tone and its cryptic style which engenders deep thought on its subject. I also like the consistency of the poem's syllabic count per line pattern: five, seven, five, five, seven, five. ----------------575575Reader reaction to context:Of course a reader will either agree or to disagree with those statements. Below are two ways in which a reader might react. Possible Religious Reader ResponseDescribing the universe as insignificant. If indeed it insignificant then there is no God because a God would not create without a purpose. So a Christian and other religious readers might see the poem as atheistic propaganda. Possible Scientist responseAn astronomer reading it would disagree that the universe is empty. He would wonder what the writer means by empty. Does the writer mean bereft of all human and non-human life beyond our Earth? If so, how does the writer know? This in turn leads to the conclusion that the writer cannot know. Also, the astronomer would ask how the writer knows that the universe is infinite? After all, physicists are speculating that our universe is merely one among billions. Inability to measure doesn't mean that it is inherently measureless.From A logical StandpointIf the writer thinks that the universe is endless and therefore encompasses all reality, then that leaves no PHYSICAL beyond to be ascending to. So the ascension beyond must be understood as meaning something other than an actual ascension beyond nonexistent universal limits.Statements as Literary DeviceThe poem as a whole I understood as using those statements to represent the popular notions. Then as a conclusion to express that author's belief that the universe is not everything as some might conjecture but that there is a beyond to which we as humans can aspire to ascend. This part might lead atheists to conclude that the poem is religious propaganda since it might be understood as suggesting a heaven. ---------------------------That having been said I enjoyed the read and look forward to reading more of your work.
I know the feeling. The poem is concise yet cryptic enough to think over, and the meter is kinda good too.
Hello Ethan, This is an intriguing piece, the words chosen carefully and deliberately. A poem that starts on a melancholy note but ends with something positive, which I really like. Thank you for sharing
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