Heya Eros! Happy Review Day!
The plot definitely progressed in this chapter! Freznel must be so terrified.
This particular chapter, I have to say, was a /bit/ confusing. I understand it's supposed to be vague, and I think it's good if it's left a bit vague so the reader is not expecting something/things are left mysterious. It's more of what's going on. The actions of everything. I believe it could be written a bit more clear so us readers KNOW what's going on. It's kinda in grey area, though, because there's the vagueness and the clearness and you want a bit of both.
It was midnight. The town was sleeping peacefully. Stew was keeping watch on Freznel's house.
This read a little weak, in my opinion. I think it could become much stronger - how is Stew keeping watch on Freznel's house? Is he being as quiet as a mouse? etc, etc. The sentences here just read really boringly and I think there start could be much stronger. A hook is very important, and a reader wants to be able to finish the chapter in excitement! A strong first sentence/first part helps with that.
I really did enjoy this chapter despite the mild confusion. It was action packed, a lot went down, and Freznel's reactions seem totally realistic! I'm really nervous for her and Marldon. Gosh, everyone just wants Freznel for himself, haha.
Keep writing! <3
~ EternalRain
Points: 69427
Reviews: 456
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