Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I am so frustrated right now! I just don’t know how to deal with you. I am trying so hard not to like you and to stay away from you, but I also still really want to talk to you. It’s such bullshit but I can’t help it. What am I supposed to do? You have infected my head and I just can’t get you out. I am so angry at you but it’s not like I can even tell you why! I’m mad that you let me do the entire project. I am mad that you don’t seem to care about anything. I’m mad that you don’t get that I was asking you on a date!!! Like really! What the hell is wrong with you?!? I asked you to see a movie alone with me and you think it’s just as friends? Well sorry to inform you but that isn’t that case! Honestly you are so infuriating! I wish I could just get you out of my head… but I can't. It’s so conflicting, I need you to pay attention to me. I need you to like me, but I also want nothing more than to yell at you and tell you to go fuck yourself!! Is that crazy? It is, isn't it? I want to hit you in the face and then kiss you. Urghhhh!!!! I wish you would just tell me you hate me so I can at least have a reason to move on, but you are so flirty and confident and nice… I don’t know how to move on. Please just tell me you hate me. I need to move on. I can’t stand this. My chest feels tight, my stomach does flips when you look my way, I can’t help but smile when our eyes meet. I feel like I just can’t escape this hole you’ve drug me into! Please, just let me go. I need you to let me go. Tell me you never want to be with me. Tell me you never want to be my friend. Tell me I should leave and never come back. Tell me anything to make me hate you. I just need to hate you. If I don’t hate you I will want to like you. I need to hate you, because if I don't I think I will fall in love with you, and I can’t handle that.
I know you won’t read this, and even if you did you wouldn’t care. I’m sorry for my crush on you, if I could I would take it back in a heartbeat. It’s just not fair, why did it have to be you? Why couldn’t it have been someone who might actually like me back? Why couldn’t I have liked someone who would treat me well? Everything in my head is screaming at me to run, but my heart won’t let me budge. I have absolutely no reason to like you, but I still do. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for all my passive aggressiveness and all my bullshit excuses for my behavior around you. I just don’t know how to handle a crush this strong. I don’t know how to react to something like this. Do I need to talk to you about it? Do I just try to move on as fast as possible? Or do I stick it out until the feeling fades away? Will the feelings fade, or will I be stuck pining for the rest of my high school career? Will it be longer? What if I never get over you? See this is why I need you to tell me you hate me! I need you to crush my feelings so hard that I will only ever feel disdain for you. Just help me fix this. Help me move on, please… I’m begging you. Let me go.
I will never ask anything else of you if you do me this one favor. I promise I will never bother you again, just tell me you wish we’d never met. Tell me you wish we had never talked. Tell me you wish I was dead. Give me a reason to despise everything you do. Have the humanity to force me to move on! I wish we'd met under different circumstances or in a different time. I am going to try to let go of you, but I hold out hope that you will one day return my feelings. I can only hope it won't be too late by then.
the one you will never notice