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Good afternoon yourself, EllyMelly (well, actually it's evening now, here at least). I haven't seen you around before, so hi x]
I'll comment as I read, nit-picking mostly, and then conclude afterwards. Feel free to ignore my comments, though!
(bold = comments, italics = my additions to the story, line-though = I think it's unnecessary)

The sound of the crashing waves was like a melody to my ears. nice, I like it Roaring like a lion comma [s]and[/s] yet still peaceful and calming comma as it should be. There were different shades of blue [s]of[/s] to the sea hm, this last bit is not well-crafted. Maybe: ..., which was crystal clear. Yes, even then, crystal clear is a bit cliche, a little over-used, a very YA [s] that was so crystal clear[/s]. One might find it easy to spot clams and small fishes. I found this awkward & a unclear Pure white foam floated atop as it reached the sand in gentle, lapping waves. The water went in and out to the shore as it brushed is brushed the right word? It has a dry image attached to it, I feel upon my feet. The water felt refreshing, being warm in July. The early morning sun was peering through the white puffs of clouds, showing the earliness of the day. I had a feeling today would be the same as the others but different in a way. I [s]can't[/s] couldn't figure out why, but maybe I'll figure it out later why is this last part in the present tense?.

As I turned away from the sea I went down the beach comma picking up seashells. Broken pieces of shells and pure white small rocks are the ones I prefered for the decoration of the inn kind of felt this was a bit of an info-dump. I glanced around and saw bits and pieces of crabs. Maybe the seagulls or other ocean birds got to them for food. how did this make her feel? Is it disturbing/distasteful to her, or does she see it as nature's way?

After finishing, I took the bucket and walked to the inn. We were probably the only small inn right off of the beach of the coast. Since my parents died when I was very young, I moved into stay with my Grandma Bessie. Now, Bessie and I own the small inn which gets visitors through out the summer. Some even call it The Summer's Cottage, being popular during that season. Please describe the inn. You need not go into too much detail, but I feel there is much potential, and I want to be able to imagine it fully, as you can.

I then made it to the wrap around porch be sure not to let this turn into too much of a 'I did this, then this, and then this' story with the white bench and few wicker chairs and also the swinging bench. Huge for the little kids. I opened up the two large baby blue doors and went inside. Dropping off the bucket in the kitchen comma I glanced around the medium sized inn. Coming from the front porch and taking a few steps in on the right is the lounge. Where also is the information and help desk when the guests arrive. On the side of that is the stairs to the rooms. When a guest arrives they come through the other front doors which is close to the info desk, and also where the parking area is. There's also the kitchen which leads to the dining room and to the living room and fireplace. The cottage doesn't have that much, but it still works.

As I grabbed a apron from the hanging rack, I brought out the supplies for making pancakes. After awhile I was almost done and I heard the stairs creak. Please, don't just just from one action to the other. Some details, some imagery to hang onto, at least

Not glancing up from cooking comma I said, “Is that you commaBessie?”

“Yes.” She came into the kitchen. It would be a good idea to describe her appearance, but be careful to avoid info-dumping. “Good Morning, Sophie. Aren't you I feel the 'you' should be italicised? up early?” She said.

“Yeah. I decided to make pancakes.”

“With all the works?”

“Yep. All the strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and any other fruit you can think of.” We both smiled as she went to the cupboards to grab the syrup. Finishing up, I took the plate of pancakes and the goodies into the din[s]n[/s]ing room. Taking off my apron and hanging it on the back of my chair, we sat down and ate. How does it taste? Make us, the readers, be almost able to taste it on our tongues.

“Always delicious, Sophie. How do you do it?”

I looked up at her after I took a bite, “Don't know. Maybe it's a gift.” I then leaned over and whispered, “It was simple. I followed the [s]directions[/s] recipe.”

Bessie then laughed at my side comment. I didn't think it was that funny.

A few moments passed by, that should be a full-stop/period “Hey, Grandma?”

“Uh-huh.” She didn't look up from eating. Say what her face looked like, when she was eating. Was she contented, curious?

“Did you go to town yesterday?”

With that she looked up, “Yes, my dear. Why so?”

“I noticed you were gone and that there's more food here. Did you go with Connie?” I [s]said[/s] asked with another bite.

“Yes, I did go with Connie and got more food because we're getting visitors today.”

My eyes lit up at her statement, “We are? We haven't got any since that one family left in June.”

“Connie and her husband Luke are staying.”

“Just them?” I felt a little disappointed. I was expecting more people.

Bessie must of read my thought because she said, “Sophie, The that 't' should be lower-case Rivers and their relative Holly are staying with us.” Yes! My best friend Holly is staying. We're going to have so much fun. This sudden thought exclamation in the present-tense is out of place and, I think, somewhat infantile. “But, dispensable comma remember you work here. And I know Holly is your best friend but she's also a guest at the inn.”

“Oh, I know.”

“And that reminds me.”

“Of what?” I finished up and put my plate in the kitchen. I went back and took the other things, “Done?” She nodded and I put them in the fridge.

I took a seat as she spoke, “There's a newcomer here in the town.”

“Really? Who?” I was all to excited.

“I know you're excited, Sophie. But, I have no idea who. Connie didn't tell me.”

“Maybe they'll come here to stay.” I mentioned.

“Maybe.” We both got up, “Remember the chores I assigned you?”

“Yep. It's on the list.”

I started walking away, “You still have that list?”

“Yep.” I said again. “I've still got it.”

Hope I helped. This is very promising and warm. Just try to put in a little more imagery, and be wary of jumping tenses. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me.

Lauren