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haunting beauty

by Elektra



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Stickied -- Sun Oct 06, 2024 12:46 am
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Elektra says...



Text Version:

do you see the way moonlight dances on your skin—
caressing every curve, every contour?
a canvas painted in hues of dark and light, with eyes
like deep pools of midnight and
scales that shimmer like broken glass.

i have never seen
anything more radiant.




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Sun Oct 20, 2024 8:30 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, Elektra! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the scary S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - This poem is dedicated to a close creature that the narrator adores, a cryptic being that some would fear, but who this narrator holds dear. It is truly a love like no other.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I personally like the poem as is, but you could add more words if you wanted to. But I like it!

Chocolate Bar - I love the ending with the scales, that reinforces that this love is nothing like human love, that there is something deeper to this. I also like the mention of the moonlight, that was simply mystical and magical, so beautiful!

Closing Graham Cracker - Their love transcends human meaning, their love means more than what others say, and it will last for all time. Nobody will stop them, for their love is fueled by the sparkling spooks of Hallows’ Eve!

I wish you a spooktacular day/night!




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Mon Oct 07, 2024 8:03 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



Awe, Ley!!!!! This was lovely :) I am a big fan of short poems because I feel like they are always the most powerful since they capture the most in only a few sentences or lines.

do you see the way moonlight dances on your skin—
caressing every curve, every contour?
a canvas painted in hues of dark and light, with eyes


First of all, I love how you ask a question. Right from the first two lines, it really caught my attention. It makes me think a lot. Who are you talking to? Why is this person important to you? From what I see, it seems that you love them deeply. I love the alliteration that you use throughout this piece and in all of your poems. That second line, with the words, caressing, curve, contour, and then canvas. The words themselves, and the sound of this poem is mesmerizing. But on top of that, I love the deeper meaning that I can find as I continue to read.

like deep pools of midnight and
scales that shimmer like broken glass.

i have never seen
anything more radiant.


I like how you apply these Halloween themes. Using things like midnight, and darkness, and all of these different metaphors, which combine into one beautiful, short poem. One thing I noticed about this poem, is that you don't focus on depth as much as you focus on covering a bunch of different metaphors. For example, it seems like everything you mention is only mentioned one time, and not gone into deeper. I like that. Normally, I like to see these very deep metaphors that are carried through the entire poem, but I think you still did a good job at closing less.

I like how we start the poem by asking "do you" and we finish it with an "I" statement, I think that gives it a good full circle. We go from your thoughts that you want to say to this person, to how you feel personally. I also like how you use the word radiant to finish this off. Overall, this poem felt incredibly descriptive to me. Like I said, it didn't feel deep, but it felt powerful if that makes sense. I love your choice of words, you truly are a master of poetry. :)

I hope you publish more Halloween and poems this month and in the future. Can't wait to read them! This was fantastic as always <33

Your friend,
Ellie




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Mon Oct 07, 2024 1:42 am
dovehearted wrote a review...



your poem feels like a midnight stroll, where every step is lit by the quiet glow of the moon. how fitting for the topic at hand. the way you describe moonlight—'caressing every curve, every contour'—brings a soft, intimate warmth to the imagery. i feel as though i am watching shadows gently shift. i love the line 'scales that shimmer like broken glass'; it captures a sharp beauty that lingers in the mind.

one thought — perhaps you could lean into that imagery a little further in the closing lines, letting it echo through to the end. the shift to 'i have never seen anything more radiant' feels heartfelt, but it might carry even more weight if it ties back to that shimmering light you began with. full circle works for this occasion.

you’ve crafted something truly beautiful, like a memory that remains fresh long after the night ends. i am looking forward to seeing where your writing takes you next. ^v^





Death is cheap, and so is life, but a reputation is not easily recovered.
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi