Heya Elektra! AnotherCrowInRow (let´s just go with Kay) is here again, this time for second part of first chapter!
First of all, I would like to say that I appreciate the wise choice to divide the first chapter into several parts - not everyone does this, and then one walks through the Green Room and sees works that take half an hour to read. Erm.
Speaking of the text as a whole, you also have good paragraphing - the text does not look extremely long, but at the same time it is not full of large blocks of text. It is easy to feel that you know how to handle the text not only from the literary side, but also from the formatting side.
And now to how the story continues, right?
I found her exactly where I’d expected: leaning against the old willow in the courtyard, her arms crossed and a half-smirk tugging at her full lips. She straightened when she saw me, brushing a stray lock of wavy chestnut hair out of her face.
Already in the first part of the first chapter, I noticed that your style of description is often simple and minimalistic - it can also be seen here when you focus on a simple and concise description.I also like how simply you introduce Basil to us - it's not heavy infodumping, just what we need to know briefly about her to get an idea of who this character is.
Or are you finally ready to admit I was right about House Ithis all along?”
I love how even this little line of dialogue was able to help outline who Basil is as a person. She seems smart to me - she obviously figured things out before Lyssa and she wasn't wrong.
Basil raised an eyebrow, “Thinking’s dangerous, Lyssa. That’s why I avoid it whenever possible.”
Alright, I just love Basil.
“Listen, I don’t know what’s eating at you, but you need to tread carefully, Lyssa. The Rift isn’t some storybook adventure. It’s a wound on the world, and nothing good comes from poking at wounds.”
This. This an awesome one-liner, something, which estabilish reader´s look at Rift even better. Until now, we just knew it´s some place, some powerful place. But now we have it - The Rift is a wound in this world and I am really curious what interesting things we will find out about it as we go through the story.
As for the more action-packed part of the chapter...simply brilliantly written! I like the pace you set and maintained - a few details to give us an idea of what we are dealing with and then simply just the characters and how they react to the situation. I like how we really get to see this part earlier...through Lyssa. What she sees and what she feels, how she reaches for the Wyrd and how she rides thoughtlessly. And the ending?
And for the first time since we’d met, I saw something in her eyes that I’d never seen before.
Fear.
Powerful ending for a chapter. You don´t need to have a cliffhanger to make reader thing about what will come next...
Until such a retrospective/review: excellent continuation of the first chapter! I like how you gradually but skillfully work on worldbuilding.
You introduced us to a new character and lightly outlined her place in the plot, but you still leave her a lot of room for character development (which I'm guessing Basil will get), but at the same time you didn't forget about the problem already outlined and the things that Lyssa is dealing with. And I also have to praise how skillfully you work with the descriptions.
Have a nice rest of day/night/whatever is in your timezone since timezones are chaotic and stay safe
- Kay
Points: 6564
Reviews: 58
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