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Wyrdsong Chapter 1.2

by Elektra


Twelve minutes wasn’t long, and I used the time to change out of my formal robes, slipping into something simpler--a deep-gray tunic and leggings, paired with my worn leather boots. Upkeep the polished image of a princess was tiring, and Basil would never let me hear the end of it if I showed up overdressed.

I found her exactly where I’d expected: leaning against the old willow in the courtyard, her arms crossed and a half-smirk tugging at her full lips. She straightened when she saw me, brushing a stray lock of wavy chestnut hair out of her face.

“You’re late,” she said.

“You’re early,” I shot back.

“Only because I knew you’d be late.”

We fell into step without another word, wandering past the courtyard’s edge and into the shaded path that wound through the lower gardens. This was where we always came when the walls of the Silver Keep felt too tight.

Basil’s life had always been simpler than mine, at least on the surface. She didn’t bear the weight of titles or the suffocating expectations that came with them. Born to a family of low-ranking wardens, her path had been carved in stone from the moment she could hold a sword. Her days were filled with drills, patrols, and the promise of a life spent in service to the House.

Yet… Basil never seemed bitter about it--if anything, she embraced it. She spoke of duty like it was an old friend, something I rarely did. But even as she wore her practicality like armor, I knew there was a part of her that longed for something more. Basil would never say it aloud, of course. She had too much pride for that. But I could feel it.

“So,” Basil began, glancing at me, “what’s got you dragging me out here this time? Another council meeting gone sour? Or are you finally ready to admit I was right about House Ithis all along?”

I gave her a sharp look, “Don’t start.”

She laughed, the sound light and easy, but her gaze lingered on me a moment too long, “You’ve got that look again. The one where you’re trying to solve the mysteries of the universe with sheer willpower. What is it?”

I hesitated. Basil wasn’t just my closest friend; she was the only person who knew about the visions. But telling her about this one felt different. The Rift wasn’t just any ordinary memory.

“It’s nothing,” I said finally, “Just thinking.”

Basil raised an eyebrow, “Thinking’s dangerous, Lyssa. That’s why I avoid it whenever possible.”

I laughed, though it faded quickly. My gaze drifted upward, toward the faint shimmer of the Wyrd in the sky.

“Do you ever wonder,” I began softly, “what’s out there? Beyond the Rift?”

Basil stopped walking, “Out there? You mean in the Wastes?”

I nodded.

“No,” she said, shaking her head, “And neither should you.”

“Why not?”

“Because the Wastes are death, Lyssa. Whatever’s beyond the Rift doesn’t belong to us, and we don’t belong to it. The Wyrd keeps us safe here, in the Ascendant Houses. That’s enough.”

"What if it’s not enough?" I murmured, almost too softly for her to hear.

Basil frowned, tilting her head, "You’re not seriously entertaining this, are you? You’ve been restless before, but this--this feels different. What’s going on?”

What could I say? That I had seen the Rift not just in my visions but in a way that made my own memories feel fragile and unreal? That it called to me? Before I could attempt an answer, the soft rustle of leaves caught our attention. At first, I thought it was just the wind stirring the garden, but then I caught it--a faint shimmer, just at the edge of my vision.

“Did you see that?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Basil’s expression shifted from concerned to alert, her hand instinctively reaching for the dagger she always kept strapped at her side, “See what?”

I turned toward the glimmer, but it was gone. A trick of the light, maybe.

“Never mind,” I said, shaking my head, “It’s probably nothing.”

“Probably,” Basil echoed, though her hand remained on the hilt of her dagger. She took a step closer, scanning the trees, “Listen, I don’t know what’s eating at you, but you need to tread carefully, Lyssa. The Rift isn’t some storybook adventure. It’s a wound on the world, and nothing good comes from poking at wounds.”

“I know,” I said, dropping the topic.

We continued to walk in silence for a while, the soft crunch of leaves underfoot the only sound between us. The path wound deeper into the garden, the air growing cooler as the trees and brush thickened.

And then we heard it--a low, rumbling growl.

Basil froze, her hand tightening around her dagger, “Did you hear that?”

This time, there was no mistaking it. The sound came again, louder and closer, sending a shiver down my spine.

“What is that?” I whispered.

Basil’s eyes darted around, “Stay behind me.”

The growl came again, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps. The bushes ahead of us trembled. And then it stepped into view--a creature unlike anything I had ever seen. Its form was vaguely wolf-like, but its eyes glowed; and its fur shimmered like stars. The Wyrd pulsed around it, wild and untamed.

“Great,” Basil muttered under her breath. “Just what we needed--a stray wyrdhound.”

The creature’s glowing eyes locked onto us, its growl deepening as it bared its teeth.

“What do we do?” I asked, barely whispering.

Basil didn’t take her eyes off the wyrdhound, “We back away. Slowly. And hope it’s not hungry.”

We began to step back, one cautious movement at a time, but the creature snarled and lunged forward.

Without thinking, I reached out, my hand instinctively grasping at the currents of the Wyrd. Heat surged through me, and for a brief, terrifying moment, I felt the memory of the Rift crashing over me like a wave. The scent of damp earth. The weight of a blade. 

The air around us crackled with energy. Basil shot me a startled look, “Lyssa, what are you--”

Before she could finish, the wyrdhound skidded to a halt, its glowing eyes narrowing as it sniffed the air. It took a step back, then another, its growl fading into a low whine.

And then, just as suddenly as it had appeared, it turned and bolted, disappearing into the trees.

For a moment, neither of us spoke.

“What was that?” Basil finally demanded.

I didn’t have an answer. My hand was still outstretched, my fingers tingling with the lingering heat of the Wyrd.

“I don’t know,” I said,  “But I think it has something to do with the Rift.”

Basil stared at me.  And for the first time since we’d met, I saw something in her eyes that I’d never seen before.

Fear.


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58 Reviews

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Wed Dec 04, 2024 3:22 pm
AnotherCrowInRow wrote a review...



Heya Elektra! AnotherCrowInRow (let´s just go with Kay) is here again, this time for second part of first chapter!

First of all, I would like to say that I appreciate the wise choice to divide the first chapter into several parts - not everyone does this, and then one walks through the Green Room and sees works that take half an hour to read. Erm.

Speaking of the text as a whole, you also have good paragraphing - the text does not look extremely long, but at the same time it is not full of large blocks of text. It is easy to feel that you know how to handle the text not only from the literary side, but also from the formatting side.

And now to how the story continues, right?

I found her exactly where I’d expected: leaning against the old willow in the courtyard, her arms crossed and a half-smirk tugging at her full lips. She straightened when she saw me, brushing a stray lock of wavy chestnut hair out of her face.

Already in the first part of the first chapter, I noticed that your style of description is often simple and minimalistic - it can also be seen here when you focus on a simple and concise description.I also like how simply you introduce Basil to us - it's not heavy infodumping, just what we need to know briefly about her to get an idea of ​​who this character is.

Or are you finally ready to admit I was right about House Ithis all along?”

I love how even this little line of dialogue was able to help outline who Basil is as a person. She seems smart to me - she obviously figured things out before Lyssa and she wasn't wrong.

Basil raised an eyebrow, “Thinking’s dangerous, Lyssa. That’s why I avoid it whenever possible.”

Alright, I just love Basil.

“Listen, I don’t know what’s eating at you, but you need to tread carefully, Lyssa. The Rift isn’t some storybook adventure. It’s a wound on the world, and nothing good comes from poking at wounds.”

This. This an awesome one-liner, something, which estabilish reader´s look at Rift even better. Until now, we just knew it´s some place, some powerful place. But now we have it - The Rift is a wound in this world and I am really curious what interesting things we will find out about it as we go through the story.

As for the more action-packed part of the chapter...simply brilliantly written! I like the pace you set and maintained - a few details to give us an idea of ​​what we are dealing with and then simply just the characters and how they react to the situation. I like how we really get to see this part earlier...through Lyssa. What she sees and what she feels, how she reaches for the Wyrd and how she rides thoughtlessly. And the ending?

And for the first time since we’d met, I saw something in her eyes that I’d never seen before.

Fear.

Powerful ending for a chapter. You don´t need to have a cliffhanger to make reader thing about what will come next...

Until such a retrospective/review: excellent continuation of the first chapter! I like how you gradually but skillfully work on worldbuilding.
You introduced us to a new character and lightly outlined her place in the plot, but you still leave her a lot of room for character development (which I'm guessing Basil will get), but at the same time you didn't forget about the problem already outlined and the things that Lyssa is dealing with. And I also have to praise how skillfully you work with the descriptions.

Have a nice rest of day/night/whatever is in your timezone since timezones are chaotic and stay safe :D

- Kay




Elektra says...


Thank you so much for the feedback! I really appreciate it :D



AnotherCrowInRow says...


You%u2019re welcome! I really enjoy reading your novel :D



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Sun Dec 01, 2024 8:54 pm
RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello Again, My Friend!

I noticed this update in the Green Room! It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What The Black Eyes See
~ A full analysis and breakdown


Ooo, much to digest here, yet so much mystery remains. Not only do we get introduced to what feels like a key character in the greater story, but we get a taste of the mysterious powers at play, and their effect on Lyssa! Let's get into the details though.

Plot and Pacing: Awesome! Through the dialogue in the beginning, you do a good job of not only introducing a new character, but also keeping a balance between summarizing Lyssa's existing problems and putting new information/perspectives forward. And despite the good clue--the flash of silver in the bush--that spark of action at the end felt unexpected, and that ending was just chilling! Great way to fuel the reader's interest.

Descriptions and Setting: Brilliant! I love how you helped break up the dialogue with those lovely descriptions, and keep the setting moving forward throughout their conversation. You're also great at doing that in terms of character designs, describing things through movement to keep the plot moving (e.g, instead of "Basil had wavy chestnut hair" it's "brushing wavy chestnut hair out of her face," which just gives it so much more life). I know it sounds so minor but it's something a lot of writers don't think about (guilty XD), so it just makes a great example of good descriptors.

If I could recommend anything, it'd be a little more about what "Wyrd" looks like. I love that moment when Lyssa looks up and can see it in the sky, and "shimmering" is a great visualizer. I wonder if there could be a slight elaboration, like "a shimmering translucent fog" or "shimmering, like thousands of tiny prismatic stars." Or allusions to other ways Wyrd commonly manifests. I don't know, I feel like I'm being nitpicky at this point--a bit of vagueness works just as well honestly, since it's such a mysterious element of the world thus far!

Action: Awesome!! The use of magic--or whatever power Lyssa wielded against that wyrdhound--just felt so unique! It's not exactly elemental like most magics in fantasy would be, nor is it giving much telepathic or "the force" vibes, it just feels like...a sort of aura unique to this world, and I love it!! Also, its effect on the beast is intriguing and makes me more curious about Wyrd.

Characterization: Ooo, Basil didn't dissapoint! She sounds awesome, and I love her dynamic with Lyssa. She gives the vibe of a responsible sort of soldier/warrior (or that good friend who fights for you when you pick a fight in the bar XDD). By extension, it feels like she has no desire to explore outside their boundaries, yet the mention of desiring "something more" has me wondering if she'll display more adventurous qualities if forced onto a quest...Likewise, it says a lot about Lyssa's bond with her, if she can see that in Basil.

Grammar and Wording: I only caught one tiny thing, which I dropped below. Otherwise, looks great!

Where The Dagger Points
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations


Not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…

Upkeep the polished image of a princess was tiring,


I think the first word was intended to be "upkeeping" rather than just "upkeep."

That’s all! Great writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts


Still not much to say for theories, but reactions...

She spoke of duty like it was an old friend, something I rarely did. But even as she wore her practicality like armor, I knew there was a part of her that longed for something more.


I loved the way you described Basil here; it's just such great, creative wording and tells us a lot about her, like that she could be an adventurous spirit weighed down by years of training and responsibility. Easy to empathize with her, and makes me curious about what she has to offer!

The Rift isn’t some storybook adventure. It’s a wound on the world, and nothing good comes from poking at wounds.


What an eerie line!! Loved that!!

Basil stared at me. And for the first time since we’d met, I saw something in her eyes that I’d never seen before.

Fear.


Such a great way to end the chapter! Again, tells us a bit about Basil and Lyssa, and makes that whole magic/fight sequence really pop!

Our Mad Thoughts...


Overall, this was an awesome chapter to followup such a promising introduction! Nicely done! :D


Thus concludes my review. To leave off, here are some inspiring quotes, courtesy of your resident Poe freak ~
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."




Elektra says...


Thank you!!! :D




'They are afraid of nothing,' I grumbled, watching their approach through the window. 'Together, they would brave Satan and all his legions.'
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights