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180 Reviews

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Stickied -- Sat Sep 07, 2024 7:04 pm
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Elektra says...



Text Version:

My dearest Lily,

Welcome to the world, my little bloom.
You’re here, finally, and I can’t stop staring at you—so small, so perfect. It feels like I’ve been waiting forever to meet you.

Your life will be beautiful. There’ll be bumps along the way, waves that might rock your lily pad.
But trust me, you’ll figure it out.
Lily pads—they bend, they move with the water, but they don’t sink. And neither will you. You’ll learn to float, even when the pond gets a little wild.

And then there’s your big sister, another lily pad right by your side. She’s been floating a little longer, finding her way, and now you’ve got her to help guide you.
You two, together, are going to make quite the pair—drifting, growing, blooming side by side. There’s a lot of space out there in the pond, but you’ll always have each other.

So, my little Lily, take your time. Drift with the breeze.
Trust that no matter what, you’ve got the strength to float through it all. You and your sister are my little lily pads, always connected, always growing. And I’ll be watching every step of the way, full of love for both of you.

With all my love,
Mommy ❣




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Sun Sep 08, 2024 2:42 am
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chrysanthemumcentury wrote a review...



Small little review!

Hi ley! Century here to review your oh-so-wonderful poem!

Ok, first of all, congrats on giving birth to lily! i hope your recovery is quick and speedy. anyway, this loem was beautiful. it was brimming with weather/nature references and the lily pad mentions? genius.

i especially loved your stanza format, and how it was more prose/letter formed, as most your poems are.

describing lily as a bloom! ahh! i.e a lotus? incredible! and also the bit about lily pads floating and moving with the waters of the pond!

harley mention :3 and also the feeling that "the pond" is the world. drifting through the world side by side --> there for eachother!

and the 4th stanza was just so beautiful. "always connected always growing" >>>

anyway yeah i loved it !

☆☆Never stop writing!☆☆
-century




Elektra says...


Thank you for such a kind review, century! <3



chrysanthemumcentury says...


happy birth day <3



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Sun Sep 08, 2024 12:35 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



This is so incredibly sweet and sentimental and I am very sure Lily will appreciate it once she's old enough to read it! I once found a card that my grandma wrote to me when I was a baby, and I still remember it all the time because it was just such a precious well-wish. :) Ah!

So onto the poem~

Love an epistolary / letter formatted poem! It's a fun and organic format while still being poetic - only bit of feedback is if you save this somewhere in your personal files I'd definitely put the date on it or something like "At the occasion of my daughter's birth" so you can remember together when you wrote it if she reads this years from now.

First stanza - > good alliteration on "welcome / world" and "staring / so small" - adding in some of those sound devices throughout helps to elevate the poem to be even more poetic and kind of sing-songy to read.

Second stanza -> I think you could expand on what you mean by "beautiful" as it's become one of those "filler" words that can mean almost anything. What in this context do you mean? Aesthetically gorgeous, fulfilling, successful, meaningful, warm, impactful, happy, joyful, etc.

I like the way you used Lily / lily-pads as an ongoing metaphor and image throughout. Very cute and carries across the meaning well.

I would put an extra space / line break before "But trust me". I like how you wrote more how a person would speak organically than necessarily strictly grammatically. It makes the poem / letter seem even more personal I think.

Stanza Three -> Only feedback is I notice you said "side by side" or "by your side" twice. I'd change up one of them to add more variety - but the sentiment is very lovely.

Stanza Four - > Very sweet and heartwarming.

Overall, not much I can say critically here as this just warmed my heart and made me smile - it communicates love and hopefulness and is very nicely written! What a treasure to keep! :)

Congratulations again friend! And welcome to the world Lily!

alliyah




Elektra says...


Thank you! :D I really appreciate the feedback, and yes I will definitely take your advice and add a date in my files <333




Writing is like love: the real thing is a lot less romantic
— dragonfphoenix