Hello, there! Avi speaking
First, the artwork that goes with this piece is beautiful and aesthetic and fits the piece wonderfully. 😍
Second, as always, your words tug on my heartstrings and pull me in like that really pretty way pretty men in equally pretty suits are pulled into a kiss by their lapels.
Third, this poem is competing with "The Artist" for my favorite poem of yours now.
"It's extraordinary how much I love you,
but I wish I didn't," this had no right hitting so hard. By which, I mean this is incredible and relatable and gorgeous.
"because maybe then I'd be more than broken pavement," ahh, the cracks in the sidewalks, the worry of tripping over them; those irritating things that aren't supposed to be there.
"I let you step all over me until I'm dirty, and rugged." Felt that pain. I'd take out the comma from before "and" because there isn't three or more adjectives you're using to describe it. This line is super powerful and it hits like a sucker punch. Well done.
"If I keep talking to myself,
I'm scared I'll lose my mind to your justified,
actions of discipline and abandonment." The narrator tells themself to stop overthinking it and by extension stop thinking about it in general out of fear they might discover something they don't want to see, a blight of imperfection on the person they love.
"But you know I love you,
so it doesn't matter.
Right?" Ahh, the fear in these words. Beautiful.
"Why is it that whenever we say those three words,
people take it for some sort of flattery?
I'm simply stating a fact,
exercising my human right of free speech." Exactly! "I love you" "Wow, thank you". That is our reality. Always taking it as a compliment and not as a confession.
"But you don't do the same.
And that hurts, because when I said those three words,
I meant it.
Is this a game to you?" This is a confession and a confrontation all at once and I adore it.
"I look up to you more than you think,
I watch as you put your dress shirt on,
and comb back your hair with expensive gel.
If I could, I'd tie your shoes for you,
and admire you as you thank me.
I adore the way you carry yourself,
how you shrug at the slightest inconvenience,
how your voice changes when you're speaking on the phone,
the simple things." It's giving Ginny Weasley. But all jokes aside, it is the little things about the person that make someone fall in love with them, and this captures it perfectly. When you love someone, you'd kneel and put yourself in a position of immense vulnerability, and when they love you back, they handle it easily without hurting you.
"But you only adore me because I said those three words." And then, the pain. The narrator is in love with this person who is only in love with the feeling of being in love/being loved i.e. David Levithan's The Lover's Dictionary.
This poem is incredible. Your writing is incredible. I can't wait to read more!
Points: 652
Reviews: 18
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