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The Dorrian Girls

by Elinor


AN: Based on true events.

INT. DORRIAN’S RESTAURUANT - NIGHT

Late summer, 1986. Dorrian’s, on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, is busy.

ALEX (V.O.)

You stole from me, Rob. That’s why I wanted to meet you.

ALEX (16) plays with a cold drink glass. Anxious. Impatient. She looks at her watch.

ALEX (V.O.)

Instead, I saw her.

Then, she watches as a group of girls, older than her, all enter. JENNIFER LEVIN (18) is among them. Wearing a white skirt and top, and a denim jacket. Alex watches as Jennifer and her friends approach the bar to order drinks.

Alex watches them, and Jennifer in particular, for a while. We move to Jennifer’s perspective. She and her friend JESSICA stand at the bar as they wait for drinks.

JESSICA

Some night, huh?

JENNIFER

My mom cried this morning.

Jessica listens.

JENNIFER

When she saw all the boxes in my room. I told her she knew this day was coming.

Just then, Jennifer’s eyes drift to Alex, alone at a table.

JENNIFER

(to Jessica)

Just a sec.

Jennifer rolls her shoulders back, takes a deep breath, and walks over to Alex.

JENNIFER

Hi.

Alex looks up, slightly scared.

JENNIFER

I’m Jennifer.

Jennifer pulls something out of her jacket pocket. A friendship bracelet. She hands it to Alex.

JENNIFER

Let’s be friends.

ALEX

(quietly)

Sure.

Jennifer gives her a condescending smile and walks away. Alex shakes it off, confused at what just happened. As

INT. DORRIAN'S RESTAURANT - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Alex sits in a bathroom stall, taking a deep breath. She squeezes her eyes shut.

INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT - HER BEDROOM - NIGHT

A few days earlier. ROBERT CHAMBERS (19), brown-haired, blue eyed, handsome, rolls over to face Alex. She’s only half awake.

ROBERT

I have to go.

ALEX

What? What time is it?

ROBERT

I have to go.

Robert sits up and begins to get dressed. Alex sees it’s past three in the morning.

ROBERT

I need cab fare.

ALEX

In the hallway. My purse. There’s a fifty and a five. Take the five.

ROBERT

Okay.

He kisses her quickly and stands up.

ROBERT

I’ll see you later.

ALEX

Bye.

He leaves. Alex sighs and goes back to bed.

INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY

Morning. Alex walks into the hallway, something possessing her to check her purse. She does. And goes through her wallet. It’s empty.

She puts her purse down, and her face falls. She curses under her breath. Then, she goes over to the phone and begins to dial a number.

INT. DORRIAN'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

The same night as before. Alex goes back and sits where she was before, growing more anxious. Off to the side, Jennifer is taking pictures with her friends.

Alex takes the friendship bracelet out of her purse for a moment before putting it back. Just then, Robert appears in the restaurant. Alex stands up, her heart pounding.

ALEX

Rob!

The two catch eyes. Only for Robert to talk right by her. Immediately, Alex starts to seethe.

She notices Jennifer and her friends have stopped taking pictures. Jennifer has begun to eye Robert, now sitting at the bar. Alex sees the look on Jennifer’s face, and realizes.

Alex takes a deep breath and turns back to Robert. She confidently marches up to him, holding something in her hand. Condoms.

ALEX

Hey.

Robert looks back at her.

ALEX

I hope you find someone else to use these with because it’s not going to be with me!

She throws the condoms in his face. Everyone’s watching as they go everywhere. People laugh. Robert is clearly humiliated.

He sees that Jennifer’s laughing too.

Alex stands there for a second, in disbelief about what she’s just done.

The other patrons continue to laugh. Alex takes her purse and leaves the restaurant, her face flushed.

She looks over her shoulder to see Jennifer and Robert talking. Smiling. laughing. She takes a deep breath and continues out of the restaurant.

EXT. DORRIAN'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Alex stands outside of Dorrian’s, eying the details of a warm, breezy New York night. And Central Park across the street.

She leans against the side of the restaurant and begins to cry.

ALEX (V.O.)

They said... if I hadn’t angered you like that, you wouldn’t have snapped. But how I was supposed to know?

Alex looks back towards the restaurant one last time. She dries her tears and begins to walk away.

ALEX (V.O.)

I figured, if she wanted you, you could have you. I’m sorry, Jen.

INT. DORRIAN'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

The others have seemingly forgotten about the incident. Robert and Jennifer continue to talk.

ROBERT

Aren’t you leaving for college or something?

JENNIFER

Next week. You’re staying here?

ROBERT

Yes, m’am.

JENNIFER

I’m going to miss New York.

Just then, Jennifer’s friends, including Jessica, approach.

JESSICA

We’re going to take off.

JENNIFER

Okay. I’m going to stay.

JESSICA

Get home safe. I love you.

JENNIFER

Love you.

They hug.

JENNIFER

I’ll call you tomorrow.

Jessica smiles and waves.

JESSICA

Nice to see you, Rob.

He gives Jessica a slight wave back. He and Jennifer watch as Jessica and the others leave.

Jennifer turns back to him. Just then, Robert sees a condom on the floor. One they didn’t clean up earlier. He picks it up and puts in his pocket. He sighs deeply. Bites his lip.

Jennifer puts a hand on his shoulder.

JENNIFER

(mouths)

It’s okay.

ROBERT

Do you want to get out here?

JENNIFER

Sure.

For a moment, we linger on her smile.

FADE TO BLACK.


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Sun Jan 26, 2020 11:46 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



IT'S SO SAD. I'm so sad for Alex. She doesn't deserve the way Robert treated her. :(

It's so crazy to think about how at the start of this, we're already seeing the aftermath of this event. How Jen is offering Alex a token of friendship to smooth things over. It was curious the way Jennifer approached her without question at first, but by the end, it all made complete sense. And I just love how you're able to make that kind of tie in time jumps like that. It's so cool!!

I would have loved to see a glimpse of Alex in the present day again. Last we left her, she was in the bathroom I believe recollecting the memory, but it feels satisfying to watch her move on and maybe what she does with that friendship bracelet -- throw it away or pocket it, just for a moment of closure. It's still vague enough for speculation, but a roundabout back to the present day might be neat for Alex's charcter development from the breakup.

I don't know if I like Jennifer! I want to be mad at her for jumping in on a relationship that just ended badly, like did she not just learn from Alex that he might be bad news? But she also seems really nice and is probably eager to give him a second chance, especially with how she extended her hand toward Alex later too. It's such a mystery! Do I like her?? I don't know??? But I kind of like that being left open-ended.

The coolest part about this is how the reader/viewer can see this in several different ways, encouraging discussion. I certainly hope Alex is able to move on properly. I'm so mad for her that she lost the 50 the way she did. Like, why, dude?? What a jerk and selfish move! I also have the lingering suspicion that this kind of behavior is not new to Alex, which is why she SO AWESOMELY dumped him at the restaurant. Just makes me mad on her behalf even more. WHAT A JERK.

I was surprised she was only 16. I know it has nothing to do with the story at all, but I wonder how she ended up living along at 16. :( Just seems so awfully young. I'm proud of her for having the courage she did to dump him at the restaurant 'cause that's intimidating, especially to a young girl like her who's just looking for her place in the world!

I loved this. It was really thought-provoking, and I love that kind of short film/play. This was really well done, and I'm so happy you linked it so I could read it. <3 <3 <3

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!




Elinor says...


Thanks so much <3



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Mon Jan 20, 2020 11:32 pm
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MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...



Hi Elinor,

The formatting is great. I didn't find any typos, although (paraphrasing Paul Thomas Anderson) technical errors only make a script more real. I liked how you used the voice-over. They just clicked. The scenes are easy to visualize. For the most part, the dialogue feels authentic and when it tries, it lands the funny.

I'm concerned whether this is where the story ends as it isn't shown what happens to Jen. Or is this going to be an episodic thing?

I have some suggestions regarding one scene (INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY). The scene where Alex finds that Rob basically robbed her. Nothing much happens here — unless the number she dialed becomes significant later on. But the main thing is that the scene messes with the pacing. I'm finding it a little hard see how it fits in where it is.

My first suggestion is extending the previous scene — we continue to follow Rob as he walks through the doorway and takes all the money from Alex's purse. This could also be an opportunity to show whether Rob hesitated in the moment or not. Adds a layer to his character either way.

You could also just keep it where it is. I can imagine this scene and the next Dorrian's scene having a cool transition — playing with the ringing/ringback and sounds inside the restaurant.

There's still potential for a lot of storytelling. If the film ends on a freeze frame here —

For a moment, we linger on her smile.


with text like "Later that night she was murdered by—" on the screen as the frame fades to black or something of the sort, the audience will have to take that at face value, for the lack of enough showing. We have seen that Rob is a prick, but is that enough to make the audience believe he can commit a murder? That's something you'll have to consider.

If you make this into a film, or if someone else directs it, there will likely be changes/difference of opinion regarding pacing and what fits anyway. Overall, I like the script. As I've said before, the dialogue feels authentic. The story's at an interesting place. There's just much yet to be explored/shown.

That's the review! I hope it helps. I'd love to read more of the sort.

Excelsior!

~MAS




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Mon Jan 20, 2020 8:47 pm
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yourboysalem wrote a review...



I love scripts and how dynamic reading them is! I reckon, though, that some parts are just slightly rushed and maybe the changing of the setting is overdone here. It's only chapter one and we need to get a clearer idea of who the characters are and where the story is set and what the mood is - so I'd perhaps suggest some more refferences of the 80s and short descriptions of what the characters are wearing, what type of music is playing in the restaurant, what type of car do those teenagers own, etc. Little things like that would improve your story-telling HEAPS.

I love all the mystery and the fact that I know someone's gonna die is pushing me to continue reading. Hah! Also, hope these suggestions are of any help. Xx





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