Young Writers Society

Such a succinctly summary of the sorrows of WAKING UP AMERICAN-successful in its simplicity. It seems to me you make subtle comments in the simple showing of contrasts. For instance, you make special note of a "thin yellow sun" against the "bright flashing headlines" in the secure sanctuary of your room, which is specifically noted as being a "white painted room" White is universally symbolic of the pure and innocent. Brilliant stuff! If I could change one thing though, I would attempt to re-write the ending to maximize emotional impact, but.... I kind of feel this is all the more effective for it's understated simplicity. I love this poem!

Hi, EditorAndPerks! I'm not sure if I ever reviewed one of your works before, but I saw this lurking in the Green Room and just had to check it out. c:

The first thing that drew me in was the title. It was something that resonated with me even before I started reading the poem, and something that still sits well with me after reading through the entire poem. It's the perfect way to describe the poem, while also having a cool, creative spin on being an optimist.

I'm also a big fan of how short this poem is. Long poems are great, too! But it's always cool when a poem's message can fit within just a handful of stanzas.

Another thing I really enjoyed about this poem is how realistic it is. The imagery and words you chose painted a picture of hope, while also showing that the morning didn't magically make things better. It was something that was apparent from the very start of the poem:

to a thin, yellow sun
shining through the glass

and shrug off musings
creeping in the corners
of your white-painted room
for this is not a day for hiding

despite the forecast
predicting rain.

and shrug off musings
creeping in the corners
of your white-painted room

this is not a day for hiding.

(despite the forecast
predicting rain)

hey, stygianmoon for a review

What am I to say about this.. it's simple, it's effective- there's not much to say.
There also is this little touch of melancholy which makes the whole poem infinitely more touching.
Anyways-

❌❌❌ MINUSES ❌❌❌

The flow. I get that this is supposed to be a slow, melancholic poem. But the flow is just so irregular. In the first stanza, if you read it aloud, it makes sense. The flow is slow but beautiful, and you make tiny pauses before skipping each line. Which is what makes that first stanza so effective. Then you move on to the second. It speeds up. there is less punctuation. And if you read it aloud, you quickly run out of breath trying to respect the flow. The third stanza is exactly like the second, in terms of flow. And the last stanza, by its shortness, returns to the style of the first one.
There's nothing wrong with speeding up a poem, and the places you chose to sped them up make sense. But putting two fast stanzas one after another really breaks the flow and makes it hard to read.

✅✅✅ PLUSES ✅✅✅

I already mentioned it in my introduction, but wow- the style, the melancholy, the intricate choice of words that help visualise the scene so vividly we almost feel what the person is feeling and seeing. Absolutely beautiful. I know I wrote like an essay for the minuses of this poem, but it's one point. And it's about when you read the poem aloud. because really, it's a minor point. You writing is fantastic, and maybe except for punctuation and flow, there's absolutely nothing you should change